The Woman Who Couldn't Love

There once was a woman who couldn't love. She had never been loved herself. All of her boyfriends and girlfriends had used and abused her to the point where she became nothing but a shadow of herself. She hated herself down to the ground, and she learned from her abusers that,

"The only way to be loved was to hate herself and everyone around her."

She hurt herself in every way she could find, and she lost her mind and her identity.

She had been torn, burned, broken and treated like she was nothing. Nothing was all she had ever known.

She had hardened her feelings and built a wall around her so high that not even the gentlest of people could penetrate her heart.

She sat in her dorm in the hospital, only daring to go downstairs when she needed something from the staff.

She didn't dare bother with anybody in case they tried to get close to her and hurt her again.

She had struggled for years with her emotions and her feelings. She had been physically and emotionally harmed, not just by lovers but by those who said they were friends.

The one person she secretly loved and trusted walked away from her to start a new life; he didn't give her a chance to start a new life with her.

Her self-hate, fears, and coldness towards everyone else grew stronger the more she was hurt.

Her heart and soul had been broken, weakened by abuse.

Then, one day, she met someone who had also been torn apart, abused and rejected because he had been treated for brain cancer.

He smiled at her and offered her a drink, and she pushed him away. He kept coming back, though she insisted on pushing him away.

Eventually, she opened her heart to him despite the sheer terror she felt inside. She allowed a little piece of her to let him in, and he told her he was terrified, too.

He was terrified because he didn't know about the changes in his behaviour because of the cancer operation that saved his life.

She really liked this man, and it was a very long time before she could trust him openly.

They finally became so close they got married.

Their torment didn't stop there.

She broke down and relapsed, and he became ill because of the cancer disabilities.

They lost everything they had ever built up together. They kept going no matter how difficult things became.

Everyone around them tried splitting them up, and their story was one-sided on all sides. People only noticed the female's problems; they didn't notice the changes in the man's behaviour.

They thought the man should have been the strong one because he was the man. They blamed the female for everything.

They begged us to leave each other, and they didn't notice that the man was only behaving in the way he did because the cancer had changed him in many ways.

The couple lost their children. Some people could have helped, but no one believed the female's story, even though she was telling the truth.

The female was yet again being haunted as the events from her past played out in front of her. She was so terrified that she stayed in her room by herself, afraid to talk in case she was misunderstood and scared to do anything in case she got hurt.

Then, one day, she finally understood something was wrong, not with her again, but with the one she knew she loved.

That was the day she finally knew what love was.

She stood up, stood by him when he was in hospital, got all of the help he needed and supported herself.

She forgave herself first, and then she forgave him.

26 years later, she still loves her man and is supporting him.

"If I can love myself first, I can love anyone."