The Weight of Expectations: Why Chasing Others’ Approval Keeps Us from Living Our Truth

Introduction

From the moment we’re born, expectations surround us like invisible threads, weaving into the fabric of our identity. Parents expect us to behave a certain way, schools expect us to achieve, peers expect us to fit in, and society expects us to follow its script for success. These expectations can be motivating, shaping us into disciplined, capable individuals. But they can also weigh us down like chains, keeping us from pursuing the life we truly want.

Chasing approval is a deeply human instinct—rooted in our evolutionary need to belong to a group. Yet in the modern world, this pursuit often goes too far, leaving us exhausted, anxious, and disconnected from our authentic selves. We measure our worth by likes on social media, performance reviews at work, or whether our choices meet the standards of others. But in doing so, we risk losing sight of who we are and what truly matters to us.

This article explores why the weight of expectations is so heavy, how it keeps us from living our truth, and most importantly, how we can begin to release it to find authentic freedom and inner peace.

The Subtle Trap of Approval

At first glance, chasing approval doesn’t seem harmful. After all, wanting recognition can inspire us to work harder, behave kindly, and strive for excellence. But the danger lies in letting external validation dictate our sense of self-worth.

Approval becomes a trap when:

We silence ourselves: Instead of expressing our real opinions, we say what others want to hear.

We compromise our values: To gain acceptance, we make choices that conflict with our deepest beliefs.

We lose clarity: When every decision revolves around pleasing others, we stop asking what we actually want.

We live in fear: Criticism feels unbearable, so we shrink back, hiding our authentic selves.

The trap is subtle because society rewards approval-seeking. Students get praised for conforming. Employees earn promotions for fitting into corporate culture. Influencers grow audiences by giving people what they expect. But beneath the applause, there can be an emptiness: the haunting sense that we’re living someone else’s life.

The Psychological Cost of Expectations

Carrying the weight of others’ expectations is not just emotionally draining—it can take a serious toll on our mental health.

Anxiety and Perfectionism

Constantly striving to meet impossible standards can trigger chronic stress and anxiety. Perfectionism becomes a coping mechanism: if we can just be flawless, maybe we’ll finally be accepted. But perfection is an illusion, leaving us perpetually unsatisfied.

Imposter Syndrome

When our achievements are driven by external validation rather than inner passion, they can feel hollow. Even when we succeed, we may feel like frauds, fearing others will discover the “real us.”

Identity Crisis

If we’ve spent years chasing approval, we may wake up one day and realize we don’t know who we are. The career, relationships, or lifestyle we built might look “successful” on paper but feel disconnected from our true desires.

Resentment and Burnout

Meeting everyone’s expectations eventually drains us. We may start resenting the people we sought approval from—or ourselves—for allowing their approval to dictate our choices.

Why We Struggle to Let Go

If chasing approval is so damaging, why is it so hard to stop?

Evolutionary Roots

Our ancestors survived by staying in groups. Being accepted by the tribe meant safety; rejection could mean death. Today, rejection still triggers primal fear in our brains, even if the stakes are no longer life or death.

Cultural Conditioning

Many cultures reward conformity. From a young age, we’re told what “good” looks like—good grades, good jobs, good behavior. Straying from the script can bring judgment or shame.

The Illusion of Control

Approval makes us feel temporarily secure, as though we’ve found the secret formula for being loved. But this security is fragile, dependent on the shifting opinions of others.

Fear of Loneliness

At the heart of approval-seeking lies the fear of rejection and abandonment. We fear that if we live authentically, people may leave us. But in truth, living authentically helps attract people who truly belong in our lives.

Breaking Free: Steps Toward Living Your Truth

Escaping the weight of expectations doesn’t happen overnight—it’s a gradual process of unlearning and relearning. Here are some practical steps:

1. Identify Whose Expectations You’re Carrying

Not all expectations are harmful. Some are necessary (laws, basic social norms) or helpful (mentorship, constructive feedback). But many are arbitrary, rooted in other people’s insecurities or outdated traditions. Ask yourself:

Who am I really trying to please?

Do I even agree with this standard?

What would I choose if no one else’s opinion mattered?

2. Redefine Success for Yourself

Society often defines success in narrow terms: wealth, status, beauty, or productivity. Instead, craft your own definition. Maybe success means having time for creativity, cultivating deep relationships, or living simply. Write down your values and let them guide your choices.

3. Practice Disappointing People

This may sound radical, but learning to tolerate other people’s disappointment is liberating. You cannot make everyone happy, and trying to do so will only break you. Start small—say no to a request that drains you, or share an opinion that differs from the group. Each act builds resilience.

4. Seek Internal Validation

Instead of asking, “Do they approve of me?”, ask, “Am I proud of myself?” Keep a journal where you record daily wins, not for external recognition but for your own acknowledgment. Over time, this strengthens self-trust.

5. Surround Yourself With Authentic People

Authenticity is contagious. When you spend time with people who live boldly and honestly, you feel safe to do the same. Seek relationships where acceptance is unconditional, not based on performance.

6. Embrace Vulnerability

Living your truth requires courage. Vulnerability means showing up as you are, even at the risk of rejection. But paradoxically, vulnerability often deepens connection, because it invites others to be real too.

The Freedom of Living Authentically

Letting go of approval doesn’t mean becoming selfish or dismissive of others. It means balancing kindness with authenticity. When we stop living for external validation, we open the door to:

Inner Peace: No more constant second-guessing or fear of judgment.

Deeper Relationships: People connect with who we really are, not the mask we wear.

Greater Fulfillment: We pursue paths aligned with our passions and values, not just what looks good from the outside.

Resilience: Criticism stings less because our worth no longer depends on it.

Living authentically is not a one-time decision but an ongoing practice. Each day presents a choice: will I act from fear of rejection, or from alignment with my truth?

Conclusion

The weight of expectations is heavy, but it is not unshakable. Chasing others’ approval may feel safe, but it keeps us trapped in lives that don’t belong to us. The moment we start questioning whose approval we’re chasing—and why—we open the possibility of a freer, truer existence.

Yes, living authentically comes with risks. Some people may judge, misunderstand, or even walk away. But those who remain will love us for who we truly are, not who we pretend to be. And that love—rooted in truth rather than performance—is worth more than all the approval in the world.

In the end, the greatest approval we can seek is our own. To stand at the mirror, look into our own eyes, and know we are living a life that belongs to us—that is freedom.