The Relationship That Taught Me Why Love Before Marriage Isn’t Always What It Seems

I used to believe that love was enough.

That if two people cared for each other deeply, everything else would fall into place — families, future, even fate.

I was wrong.

I met him during my final year of university. He was the kind of person who made silence feel comfortable. We studied together, shared coffee breaks, exchanged playlists, and slowly, something unspoken grew between us.

We didn’t label it at first. We didn’t have to. The way his eyes searched for me in a crowded hallway said more than words ever could.

It felt pure, safe, and honest — the kind of love that makes you believe you’ve finally found your person.

But love before marriage, at least in our culture, isn’t simple.

It’s a constant balance between what you feel and what you’re “supposed” to feel. Between what your heart wants and what society expects.

At first, I thought we could handle it.

We kept things quiet, careful, respectful. We told ourselves we were just waiting for the “right time.”

But life doesn’t wait for anyone.

A year later, he got a job offer abroad. It was everything he had worked for — and everything that pulled him away from me.

We promised to make it work.

We texted, video-called, and wrote long emails about our future. We talked about marriage, about telling our families, about turning our secret into something real.

But slowly, reality replaced romance.

Different time zones, busy schedules, and the weight of uncertainty began to crush the dream we had built.

One night, after another dropped call, I stared at my phone and realized — we hadn’t talked about us in weeks. We had only talked about when and if.

That’s when I understood something painful:

Sometimes, love before marriage isn’t wrong — it’s just unfinished.

A few months later, he called.

His voice was calm but distant. He said he couldn’t promise anything anymore. His parents had someone else in mind.

I remember going completely still. Not angry. Not crying. Just… empty.

He said he still cared about me. He said he’d never forget me. But those words, once warm, now felt like goodbye letters written in real time.

We ended the call, and just like that, three years of love became a memory.

For weeks, I felt lost.

Was I wrong to love him?

Had I crossed a line by believing we could have a future without a promise?

I kept replaying everything — the moments, the messages, the plans — trying to find the exact point where things changed.

But there wasn’t one.

Love doesn’t end with a single event. It fades quietly, in between missed calls and unsaid words.

Months later, I saw him on social media — engaged, smiling, happy.

And for the first time, I didn’t feel jealous. I just felt grateful.

Because even though our love didn’t last, it taught me something precious:

That not every relationship is meant to end in marriage, but every relationship teaches you something about who you are and what you need.

I learned that true love isn’t about breaking rules — it’s about building respect.

That if your love can’t survive in the light, it will eventually fade in the dark.

And that sometimes, letting go isn’t giving up — it’s growing up.

What I Believe Now

I still believe in love before marriage — but not the kind that hides, rushes, or dreams without a direction.

If it’s based on honesty, respect, and real intentions, then it can be a beautiful foundation. But if it exists in fear or secrecy, it will only teach you pain.

Love should never make you lose yourself.

It should prepare you for the person you’re meant to become — whether that’s with them or without them.

If You’re in a Relationship Before Marriage, Remember This:

Set boundaries early. Respect and clarity matter more than emotions.

Don’t lose yourself in the idea of “forever.” Focus on today — on kindness and growth.

Involve honesty, not just emotion. If you can’t be open about your relationship, ask yourself why.

And finally — let it make you wiser, not bitter.

Because love isn’t about finding someone perfect. It’s about discovering yourself through someone imperfect.

And sometimes, the most meaningful love stories are the ones that don’t end with “happily ever after,”

but with “I finally understood what love really means.”