The Internet Saved My Life.

I know what you must be thinking, another Gen something or another telling stories to justify being on their phone all day…But what if I told you, that’s exactly what saved my life? Would you think differently about it? Or would you roll your eyes like everyone else did at first?

I won’t lie, I probably wouldn’t of took it seriously if I heard that opening either. But that’s exactly what happened. Here’s my story…..

I grew up in the 90’s where there was a home phone and cartoons on the weekends. Other than that, our entertainment was whatever we could find to do outside. The internet and smartphones wasn’t really a thing until late 90s early 2000’s. If you were lucky enough to have that luxury.

I grew up not knowing about mental health, suicid, depression, PTSD, and so on. In my teens, I was labeled as that weird outcast who was going through a faze. In reality, I was crying/screaming for help….But in my family, you didn’t dare ask for help, or cry. Let alone anything more serious. I was placed in the psychiatric hospital for the first time when I was 15.

Half of my family treated it as a huge secret that they would take to the grave, and others used it for sympathy to get attention. From then until I was 17, I attempted suicide 5 times. Nothing worked. I couldn’t help but feel like a failure for not being able to even do that right. I struggled for many years after that with constant drinking and drug use to self medicate and feel “normal” but it only made things worse.

I have been placed in psychiatric wards 7 times in my life. I used sex like it would fix me from the pain of getting molested from my step dad at 12. I partied like it was my only way to survive…..I should have died many times on accident. But I didn’t. And now I know it’s because I’m here to help others in similar situations.

The internet saved my life because I got to fully see, read, research and understand that I’m not alone in this. There was millions of people struggling the way I was. I finally got the help that I needed. I got to see and understand that I didn’t need to hide and be ashamed anymore. So I got the help that I so desperately needed my whole life.

I finally got sober. But that’s when the demons really come out. I learned that I have multiple mental illnesses from all the abuse, trama and neglect that was done to me from a child up into my early adulthood. And I learned that it’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to cry!!!! Something so small yet something I couldn’t do, in fear of getting my butt whooped.

The internet may be a bunch of brain rot, and nonsense to the older generations. And yes I agree that a lot of kids need to touch grass and get dirty. But it’s so much more important than many may think. It’s not only a way to pass time, but a life saver in many cases. And I wish we could normalize speaking about it as such. Without it, I wouldn’t be here today, and neither would thousands of others. So please be kind to others. You never know what is happening behind closed doors.