5.11

I am craving you – not in a lustful way – I just want to get to know you more and more … at the same time I am scared to get hurt and that only me is feeling this way … you calm me down and in the first time in forever I can really be myself again …. Not a random version .

I adore your eyes , your breath when you sleep and let me rest my head on your chest .I adore cuddling with you … and only with you , because I never been a cuddly person . The way you say my name , you are way to adorable , your smile,your hands. Your calmness and how strong you appear …. But I would be grateful if you could let me more in your mind – talk about your goals in life , your dreams , things that you are scared of , things that make you happy,things that made you sad. Your favourite smells, games,films. Just everything.

And I promise I won’t leave when things get ruff or complicated …

I will stay and try to figure things out .

I want to go on a coffee/ tea dates with you , walking dates , concerts,parties,cinema dates , travel with you …. Go on Christmas market dates with you .Enjoy sunsets , sunrises and watch the stars and the moon.

And I know all this stuff is not imported to you , or you just don’t want to do them with me. But in mine stupid little brain i hope you would love to do them with me ..

I see all the storms behind your eyes, close enough to see them but to far to calm them down. And there is the part of me that is insecure to ask anything more serious becaue I am afraid to lose you , which is sill because if you would want me like I want you it would be already clear - right ? Or are all the actions that you started to do latly all in my head and I overthink things again ? Remembering my struggles and hoping I am careful - could you fake it ? Because I can‘t - for me I am scared because I didn’t want to fall for you but at the end i guess I did ? Or do I also just like how you make me feel from time to time ? Why would I be okay with all this hot and cold and mixed signals situation ? Is it because I only had this also in connection to my family ? I know my worth but if I start to like someone I would drop everything ,and I know this is also more a red flag of me . I can communicate with friends but with people I am interested in it doesn’t work .

I know you are still scared to get hurt but I promise I am not gonna leave you .. And I know we should communicate about things .. but I am also just scared..maybe I will still take a bit my time and ask in small steps on how you think about our situation .. but I want it to do it in person and not via text … or maybe we could have more phone calls but well lets see.. or maybe I am just a bit hormonal.. And the last two months can still bring a lot of plot twists ..

But I kinda start to hope that maybe …

You want me to be yours – and maybe you want me to call you mine .