The Day I Fell In Love

Here is the story all about how my life completely changed after I fell in love with Marley Jay.

I lived my entire life not knowing he existed, and this whole time I thought I was living life blissfully happy. I had briefly heard before of others speaking of the love they had found and the joy it had bought them and how it changed their life but I just assumed eh, that lifestyle was never meant for me to experience. So, living life I continued the way I had always done completely unaware of what was in store for me.

I remember my first encounter with you like it was yesterday. As I usually did, I made excuses and reasons as to not be graced with your presence because let’s be honest, I tend to not follow through with things that I know could be good for me and put off others even if I know there may be an awesome outcome. But it was like fate wanted us to meet; having had a brief encounter with you earlier in life, having you right there on my lips but never inhaling your sweet breath. Then here we were, face to face again, unexpected and unplanned I had no choice but to see it through this time. It was a brief meeting just to get the feel of you. I went into this thinking that I would not, could not like you because someone like you just couldn't be good for me. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous even if I tried to act like I was cool, I was terrified. But I was determined to follow through since I was trying to live a fair life of giving chances. With that first breath of your presence, I tried to remain calm but deep down inside I was as giddy as a little girl to be surrounded with your energy. I'm not sure how to explain it, but you gave me a sense of calmness and familiarity which is strange because I had never felt such an instant connection with anyone else so quickly until you. And you weren't even trying to get me to like you, hell you didn't have too; although scientifically it is considered impossible to be addicted to your kind, you possess very addictive traits and with my first taste of you I knew I would want you to be a part of my life for a long time.

Some time went by and I spent time with you here and there; just enough time to keep me interested but not enough to have me completely attached to you. Until that one night when I had the opportunity to really experience all of you in different forms. Once again, I was nervous as all get out because here we were getting ready to take this connection we made to another level. In the beginning of this meeting, you were so gentle with me, just providing me with a little taste of you not to overwhelm me too quick and assuring that I was ready for what was to come. Then the real you came out within a blink of an eye and gave me an experience I have never experienced before. How was it that you were able to tap into all of my senses at once giving me the most insane feeling of euphoria? Not only did everything seem to taste better when I was with you, but your taste on my tongue was so pleasant and soft yet strong and arousing. Looking at you in the dimly lit room gave me the visual happiness of floating in the clouds, almost like heaven was ascending to me. My ears could not comprehend all the beautiful sounds that you exposed me to, like I was hearing for the first time ever. The touch of you on my fingertips was so soft and velvety but your touch to me went deeper than the physical; you left my soul tingling, burning, exciting and screaming for more. And finally, your smell, ah your smell, the most natural smell ever to waft in my nose. Your natural scent was like an oxymoron being incredibly strong and dominant but yet so calming and gentle. It was a smell I could hold on to forever and never tire of smelling.

You allowed me to partake in all that is you for a while religiously making me think that this connection was meant to be, different from any other connection, deeper than any other, one made to last. So, I enjoyed every moment of it because like most things in my life that bring me such happiness, it never lasts. And true indeed you did not. You never really left me, I was just blessed with your company less and less often or with random spurts of constant attention then back to me feeling like just another random person waiting my chance with you again. But I couldn't be mad at anyone but myself every time I hurt when I felt like I was losing you because going into this I knew that our encounters would be sporadic because you are not meant to have just one lover and I am not built to be loved. However, this realization did not eliminate the jealousy I felt knowing someone else was partaking in the thrilling ride you provided knowing that I wasn't the only one you shared this experience with. However, I continue to crave you every day, every waking moment I am spent counting down the days until I have my chance with you again if only for a brief period of time.

You are my end all be all, my retirement plan, my peace at the end of the day, my silver lining in any bad day. But with these feelings I regret allowing myself to become so consumed with you because I know I will never be those things for you as you are meant to be a wanderer providing this feeling to all those who are broken. You give a false sense of comfort, longevity, and the feeling of being desired to those that you allow to touch you knowing that at the end of each session you will leave that broken soul alone to process what just happened but more confused than ever.

So here I remain, just another broken soul captivated by all that is you, waiting for another chance to be near you again. I feel so helpless wanting to break free from the hold you have on me. I try every day to not think about you and move on to someone else, but like all that is good and toxic, you pop back up every time I need you most and remind me why I like to have you around, why I need you around. It’s because of you is when I not only found myself and inner greatness but it is also when I truly fell in love with myself. And with this sick twisted thought, I feel losing you would be like losing me. So, I will continue to just take you in the small doses that you provide no matter how few and far in between if that is all that I can have. Here I am left longing for you trying to forget you but your smell won't seem to go away; your aroma is in everything near me: my clothes, my skin, my blankets, my pillows. So I will hold onto that smell until I can touch you again.

Until next time Marley Jay

~♡