The Balance of Life

Life is filled with so much mystery; You never know what will happen in the next chapters.

I close my eyes, clear my mind and feel like a baby craving all the love I ever wanted from my mother. I wanted to cry so bad that I wished it could be real. I sometimes wish I could see what she could see in me. Everyday it feels like betrayal, a punch in the face because their were flaws that has not been forgiven. It is very hard to determine what emotion I am supposed to have because she is my mother. In my mom's mind, I think I am a mistake, stranger, a disguise of what exactly? But in God's eyes, I feel a purpose. A purpose to live everyday. Why do we question the unspoken? Because we are afraid, afraid to figure out what is happening in our current generation. Why am I unable to figure out who I am meant to be? All my life, preferably teenager, my mom never gave me interests that I could not connect myself to. My grandmother gave me something that I have not seen in this world in a long time, that is giving back to the community.

Ghosted:

Everyday, I feel like I want to cry because you have gone away in thin air, just disappeared. Why did you leave me? Your energy is out distance to where I cannot feel your presence anymore. I use to sit back and think deep, What did I do wrong? Did I say or do anything wrong? But then I realized, I was never the problem. I realized that I was too much for you, that you could not handle a independent woman like me. I am a woman who began to self discover for who I am truly meant to be. I am more than my hair and thighs. I am fearless, confident, and bad even when you were gone. Why do I consistently waste my time and energy to someone who does not want to match my own.

The Reveal:

Lately, my vision and thought process been into specific time frames. I thought of myself as a computer that was dysfunction that needed rewiring. Along the days, I started to realize that the type of world I live in is just a camouflage. I felt that my mind was somewhat sabotaged. As I get older, my mindset is becoming wiser. I felt like all these years, I have been searching to find a crowd that I can belong to and never feel like the black sheep. The world is a camouflage, it is exactly how I see other people's personality and flesh.

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I know I am free, free to do the impossible. Why are you so worried about who to love? justified, ignorance, remembrance, loyalty, conquer you are special. You are and will always be loved. My special gal, no one can take the power you hold in your hands. God will hold my hand in the dark and light. God would not let anyone hurt you, he remains tall and strong, and he never pushes me away because I am his love. Speak truth and not arrogance.

Please don't Go:

Be soft but not to gentle, please find the courage to love. I know a lot has happened in previous relationships. You are my love, you are my light. It is hard for me to be the man, you are my heart, my soul. I cannot go another day living in disappointment. You grow beautifully everyday, I cannot fathom how much you have grown. I miss you so much baby, I cannot let you go. I put up a front and make it seem like everything is okay. I want your heart to the moon and back. Please baby do not go away.