Struggles of an Indian Girl

I can’t even count the times I’ve typed that out- or something along those lines. I just wanted to know that someone else was facing the same struggles as I was- Indian girl raised by strict Indian parents living in the UK, very confused. Sound familiar to anyone? Thought so. It seems to be a universally accepted truth about Indians, and especially Indian girls. We are told from a young age that our family members pray that our husbands have a long and happy life, that we will grow up and be married off and that is when our life begins, that we don’t know love or what life means until we have children.

I mean… I don’t even think I’m scratching the surface and I already feel outraged typing these things out! I feel like others will relate, we are made to feel like we are living our lives out for others. We have to be good, to be innocent, to be obedient. Step a toe out of line and feel the wrath and shame and world crumble down around us.

Growing up, I only really had white friends. I had other Indian friends, but they were family friends and I lot younger than me. I was the guinea pig for our family friends, whatever I did or went through was used for years as examples for the younger ones. Coupled with this and the fact that I’m an only child, it felt like fair bit of pressure.

I won’t lie when I say to you I love most aspects of our culture. It’s so vibrant and colourful and I love the family values ingrained in our lives. I love the festivals and the gatherings and the closeness with others. But I don’t think I’m alone when I say that the culture for girls especially feels quite suffocating. I feel like, when I hear older family members talking to me or discussing me, that my life has a blueprint written out for me. I will go to school, then I will go to university and study something acceptable, then I will get a respectable job, then I will get married to a suitable boy of my parents liking (or choosing!), and finally I will have kids and dedicate my life to them. And just like that whoosh I’ve seen about 35–40 years of my life pass me by in the space of a couple of sentences. And you can see the theme too, right? The same word sprinkled into each phrase in different ways? Acceptable, respectable, suitable… the list could go on.

Rebelling seems like such a distant dream to most, and I guess even to me. I did my fair share of rebelling, just in small ways. The occasional drink, staying out much later that was ‘right’, talking to boys and living with them at university. Rebelling was always bittersweet though, while it felt exhilarating in a way to break the rules so vehemently placed, it did always carry with it a huge sense of guilt and anxiety. Even now, when I feel like a fully fledged adult.

I guess I wanted to make this post to rant about just a few of the struggles Indian girls face, especially with such a large culture gap present. But I also want to make this post for anyone like me! Anyone who feels a bit out of place, or a lot out of place. It’s a difficult thing to handle when you’re on your own, but reading other people’s stories and just knowing there are other people out there who feel a little bit like I do, it feels a little less daunting.