Stolen Opportunities

Like me, there is an unknown number of people out there who had opportunities stolen from us. If you were coming to read this to hear about something funny or happy, then you have come to the wrong article. 

    Today, I will open up the floor for something we have all been wanting to talk about but haven’t been given the floor to talk about. It’s something that has plagued the last four generations since the “baby boomers” started having kids. Opportunities that were stolen from kids that would have given them more success in life sooner instead of later. When it was & wasn’t our parents’ fault. When it actually wasn’t our fault, we didn’t get the investment or attention WE needed to make that success happen.    

Most of the time when we try to talk about opportunities, we talked about the ones “WE missed”. The ones that were OUR fault alone. Not the ones that WEREN'T our fault alone. When we try to bring up the ones that are not OUR fault alone we always get told “Nothing you can do”, “Why dwell on something out of your control?”, “Stop focusing on the past.”, and overall misdirection along with the deflection of responsibility of the other parties' (mainly THEIRS) involvement. Then it’s always followed up with something abusive that makes you feel awful in order for us not to bring it up again. 

Well, that all ends today. Right now. I will be going over opportunities that were stolen from me as a kid that would have given me a massive leap forward in any of the careers I wanted to do when I was growing up. Then I will be going over how I was made to feel about each one of those careers I wanted to do. Finally, I will go over how I never gave up on trying to go after those careers & each time an opportunity got torn away from me until I did finally give up on it for the time being.

  Some of my stories may cause you to relive something from your past, so this is your trigger warning. 

    I haven’t been able to talk to very many people about a lot of these events cause I was made to feel insignificant about them or to feel like I could never actually achieve them. These moments were extremely important. They were impactful to my life, how I view myself, & how early I could have had success if taken seriously about what I wanted to do.

     As a kid I wanted to do a lot of things growing up, a lot of kids do. But none of them was ever taken seriously, no matter how many times I came back to it as I got older. The first thing I can remember I wanted to be was a Power Ranger! My mom thought I didn’t actually want to be a Power Ranger when I grew up as it was the biggest crazy happening for kids since the year after I was born. She didn’t realize that it wasn’t just a Power Ranger I wanted to be, but the actual actors on screen. That I wanted to be an action star. This never went away. I still would love to be an action star. Years later I am still watching Power Rangers, I am watching Pro-Wrestling, & I am always playing video games as well to escape from the real world I didn’t fit into.

     I have Autism, I have never fit in anywhere in my life. I say things people don’t want to hear, I don’t get social cues or when I am breaking social norms, and for some reason, people just hate me on sight most of the time. Eventually, I leaned into this. If people were going to hate me for merely just existing, then I was going to live life to the fullest. Dress how I wanted, watched what I wanted, & openly love whatever I was into. I embraced a lot of who I was in High School.

     Anyway, I digress, so eventually, I started trying to teach myself martial arts by watching Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, and Jet Lee movies. My mom eventually taught me how to Freestyle Box. One day I asked my mom if I could get martial arts classes. At first, she said no, then she gave me a list of things I had to do regarding my grades in school, I got that done but at this time she was trying to get me to do dishes instead of anyone else in the house doing the dishes, as a punishment and a way for her not to have to pay for those classes, she said “if you can’t do dishes you can’t do martial arts” this is where I drew the line, I knew it was never going to end, and that she was looking for reasons to not put me into those classes. That reason was completely illogical and is still illogical to this day. I was trying to get the skills necessary to be an action star and was getting stone-walled by my own mother.

     I kept self-training, and I took it extremely seriously, probably too seriously as I wanted to learn everything I could about fighting. Sooner or later I got into the classes through help from one of my best friend’s mom convincing my mom to let me take classes. I had natural talents. I put in so much work and effort. I was training in my spare time, training at school, training at the classes, and training mentally as well. I could do a split, I could do a backflip, I was working on a single foot spin kick, I was really in shape, and was working on getting a 6 pack and started to develop some real muscle tone to my body. I even started wrestling in high school.    None of that was enough to get my mom to take any of these things seriously. If I would have gotten the proper investment in this career interest, I would have been able to go into entertainment fields like stunts, choreography, action star, MMA, obstacle courses, and more. I would have gone out for Ninja Warrior as I knew about it before it came to The United States of America. I was ahead of the game in deciding what I wanted to do. Be an entertainer. 

    Before entering high school, I was given an I.Q. test. After the test results were in, they sat my mom and me down to talk to us. They thought I wasn’t listening or paying attention; I was. I remember us sitting in the geography classroom with the geography teacher it was also a football coach, the principal, along with one other older man I have never seen before. The man looked at my mom and said “I wanted you to know that before we had to deduct points, your son had a 189 I.Q.” they then go on to explain that because “I can’t read very well & can’t spell very well that they had to deduct 100 points off of my I.Q.”. In high school, we found out I was extremely dyslexic and that’s why I had such a hard time reading and spelling. Unfortunately, by then everyone had already given up on me being able to read and spell.

One day I am playing RAW 2 for the Xbox (still one of my favorite Pro-Wrestling games cause I loved the character creation, character relationship system, & campaign system so much) making a Pro-Wrestler designed after what I wanted to look like in the ring when I looked at my mom and said I wanted to be a Pro-Wrestler. She laughed, said, “watch are you going to do? Fall asleep in the ring? The Narcoleptic Wrestler”.     This hurt me a lot to hear my mom making fun of me for wanting to be a Pro-Wrestler. Especially since our family has such a history with Pro-Wrestling. My Grandfather Larry Eller was a Jobber and training partner for Georgia Championship Wrestling, he actually knew Virgil Riley Runnels Jr., better known as “The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes when he was working as a booker and wrestler with Jim Crockett Promotions (JCP) in the Mid-Atlantic. My grandfather was dropped when JCP was eventually purchased by World Championship Wrestling (WCW), formerly Georgia Championship Wrestling. Hell, my mom even babysat Cody Rhodes sometimes when their dad was working, training, and practicing. She even went to ride horses with both Cody and Justin. My Dad even tried to be a Pro-Wrestler for WCW and has a picture of me as a baby in a WCW wrestling ring. At the time he was crew help. On top of all that, my mom had a job for Steve Borden, (better known as Sting) removing Green M&M’s for him so he can have a green tongue before he went out to the ring. I found out all of this information later, after she did that.    I was so mad and to this moment it still brings me to tears. Knowing that if she would have taken me seriously sooner about it, told me what I would have to do, and reach out to granddad Larry sooner that I could be in a WWE ring right now as one of the best talents to love or to hate.     In high school, I joined the wrestling team the first year I struggled in the 152lbs weight class. It is considered one of the hardest high school weight classes. That year I had a half-day schedule to try something new with my narcolepsy cause it was causing me problems at school. They told me I had to have 4 classes in the first half of the day. I had to pass all of these classes to pass for the year. One of these classes was a study class where you can get a grade for being in this class and it was run by the special needs education teacher.

     Okay to digress just a bit here, remember me talking about my I.Q. test. Well turns out the reason my I.Q. score was so high cause I am really good at listening and problem-solving. They told me to just do as many of the questions correctly as fast as possible, but I didn’t need to rush. I understood this and when they gave me the book and started the test, the first thing I did was go through and looked for the math section. I solved just about all the math questions and put down the answers without showing my work cause I was doing it in my head. The graph and long division problems I skipped cause I would need to write them out. Then I did that with each selection, going to whichever one I knew I would be the next easiest. Read and spelling ending being the last ones I worked on. I didn’t get anything wrong that I didn’t have to work out on paper. My scores were dropped because instead of putting a wrong answer I decided to leave it blank cause “no answer is better than the wrong answer”.

     Just as an example, I saw the pattern my math teacher was using for her math class. I did six weeks of math work ahead of time in one night cause at that point I could actually do advanced calculus in my head. Just so I could use her class for my own personal time. Instead of being rewarded for taking initiative and doing something awesome she punished the whole class by giving everyone worksheets (on top of their normal homework) just to give me those worksheets and tell the class why they are getting them too. It was another petty move by an adult teacher to knock an intelligent student down.

    Back to that study class. The core purpose of that study class is two things: to allow students who are having trouble in another class to work on their school work for those classes & to allow for situations like mine to not have me fail a grade due to my disabilities. On the first day of class, we go over the rules for the class don’t bother other students, stay quiet, and stay working. I followed these rules. She just didn’t like that I wasn’t working on schoolwork in her classes. That dislike turned into hate & spite. The reason I know it was spite is that she gave me an “F”, the only grade that would make sure I didn’t pass the grade and get me kicked off the wrestling team for the next year. An “F” for a study class cause I wasn’t doing schoolwork because I was already passing my other classes. She could have given me a “D” or “C” and just messed with my G.P.A. a bit but instead, she made sure I failed.. She made sure I was held back along with kicked off the wrestling team...

     Before I turned 18 I moved to Tennessee. I eventually found an amateur Pro-Wrestling event that was going on near me and went after talking to my dad about it. I showed up early, talked to a couple of people, and then stayed till the end to talk to more people. Then I showed up again. This time I tried to get numbers, and see what I could do to start being a professional wrestler for them. They even let me into the ring (cause I decided to wear some ring save wrestling shoes hoping I could). When I got into that ring for the first time as an adult, it felt like home. Then I started running the roles, and they were all impressed by how well I could run them for the first time running them. I ended up getting a few numbers, learned a quick-release knot I still use to this day, learned how to take down a ring, and was told how much I was going to have to contribute if I wanted a ride to the training center in North Carolina they were already going to.

     Success! I finally made it into Pro-Wrestling. I was even pulled to the side by the owner and our trainer of this Pro-Wrestling school tell me that I was a “complete natural & in a few months I will be better than everyone else there (which included the current NWA Champion at that time Chase Owens, who had a match coming up in Vegas that he was excited about)”. While I was in Tennessee my disability review was going through while I was dealing with an abusive relationship that was coming to an end, Social Security ended up using my disability Narcolepsy against me to take away my disability check I was getting at the time, cause “Sleeping too much isn’t a disability” even if you literally can’t control it.

     I was diagnosed with Narcolepsy with cataplexy around the age of 13. After losing my check, I lost my way to pay for anything, then eventually had to move back in with my mom. My granddad found out about my Pro-Wrestling pursuits and found a job for us along with a few of his friends to help me get some money to pay for gas and classes here in Georgia. Well, I never gave up on being a professional wrestler all the way until I was 20 and I had to watch my grandfather die from multiple strokes while on that work trip. 

    After that, I tried getting into game design again, as it was what I had an interest in for a very long time. Going all the way back to middle school where I wanted to build my first video. I still plan on making that game too so I won’t go into details but I will say this, I was thinking about 6v6 game designs in middle school. I knew I was on to something. Overwatch proved it. I started writing the story for a “create a children’s book” assignment, then decided I liked the story so much that I wanted to flesh it out. As I was developing it, I realized how awesome of a game it would be, and started writing out my first game doc in 6th or 7th grade. I definitely bit off more than I could chew at the time, as I had no idea what I was doing. One day I was working on my story in the Library when a fire drill happened and I have pulled away from my story and wasn’t allowed to go back a d get it cause it was time for another class. By the time I was finally allowed to go back and get it, I couldn’t find it.. The librarian told me that more than likely the janitor throw it away cause he thought it was trash.. So I gave up on that game after that.

    This wouldn’t stop me from designing games, learning about games, learning how to build games, learning what made a game good, bad, and great. I learned how to play music, I learned how to draw, I learned how to create stories, and I learned it all but programming and 3D animation.

     In high school, I was able to enroll in the Vocational Trade School for upperclassmen at 14 years old cause my math scores were so high. The first person accepted at the age of 14 and the youngest at that time. Didn’t make the local news. Wasn’t impressive enough for a mixed kid with both narcolepsy and autism. I got my Associate for culinary arts through that trade school and my Associate for Computer-Aided Design when I started learning how to 3D model for video games.

When I moved to Tennessee I no longer had a way to keep working on 3D modeling as I didn’t have a capable computer. Then after lost my social security check, I moved in with my mom in Georiga. She helped me get a basic computer so I could get into game testing as she knew someone who could help at the time. She met Charles Green throw playing Diablo 3. He told my mom to tell me to make an account and gave her the private registration account for his game testing company online. While he was on a business trip where he was supposed to be getting contracts for the company, he sold it. Turns out he wasn’t actually given a lot of people's jobs but dropping them after they play tested a couple of games and the game company’s that used his testing company wasn’t happy about this and dropped him. He was constantly stealing opportunities from people for free labor, while he got most of the reward.

     About, a year later I am moving in with my girlfriend. I go out of my way to try to keep my computer tower dry. I put it in 3 trash bags, each time tying the bag and facing the top of the bag away from the top of the next bag I tied up. It wasn’t supposed to rain that day but I didn’t care cause it always rains the day I move. No matter what, it’s a constant in my life. Sure enough, it rained and rained hard. Hard enough to get through her trunk and the 3 trash bags during the 2-hour drive. It ruined that computer tower...

     Flash forward a few years later that same girlfriend ended up spending $750.00 on a good gaming PC that ended up being the same PC I designed for my Computer-Aided Design class for one of their assignments. “Build a dream computer”. In a twist of some kind of irony, I just got done watching a bunch of “Extra Credits” videos on game design. They pulled me out of a dark place and gave me the motivation I needed to work on my video game. I get up and walk into the room we had the computer where my girlfriend was working on something. I told her, “hey after you’re done with the computer, can you let me know? I am finally out of my depression and really want to get started on my game again”. About 2 hours before that it started raining hard. Then suddenly we hear some thunder and our power goes out. Turns out our power line got hit, and that fried my hard drives and nothing else..

     After that, I kept working on my game design document and applied for a local technical college. I enrolled in the Emerging Technologies program where I eventually got my Game Design Specialist Certificate, but not before I had a couple more opportunities taken away from me first.     This first one I just can’t let go of no matter how much I try but the game I was working on and developing before I walked into that class was okayed to be continued working on for the rest of the semester.    

At the end of the semester of Game Design 1, we found out that one of our game documents was going to be the game we worked on for Game Design 2 for the class project and it came down to my game and someone else’s. My game wasn’t chosen only because my PowerPoint wasn’t pretty enough. The other one was chosen because it was prettier. It not like I am actually going to beat a good digital artist in a Use Interaction department.    Yes, I feel petty over this as my Game Document was a more completed document. That I was designed to be the mastering of the core elements of what is a modern video game. It was made to be a game you used to teach basic level design and game mechanics.

Well, they liked my game so much that I was put in charge of the smaller Game Design 2 class for building my game. I was fine with this, as I would be doing that for my internship.       Then some stuff happened with the facility that the week I was supposed to start the first meeting for my game with the Summer Semester Game Design 2 Class. This stuff ended up getting the whole Emerging Technologies program shut down. The Game design class was the first to go on the day of my meeting and my game never got started. 

    This messed me up pretty badly. I ended up taking the next semester off for my mental health. While I had this semester off, I got a job and started working on a new mobile game. 6 months after working on that game my game documents, my laptop, and my school laptop bag were stolen from my car while I was working..

      These are all the opportunities that were stolen from me that weren’t my fault. That people stole from me. That people crushed. That life stole from me. We all have stories that crushed us. People we looked up to saying things bringing us down. It could be unintentional, it could be fully intentional, they could use religion as an excuse for their selfish choices, they could use disabilities or race for their choices, it could be ego or jealousy, or it could just be because the box was prettier. I know I am not the only one. I know I am not alone. You should know too.

     What are YOUR stories of opportunities that were stolen from you? What are those moments where it truly wasn’t your fault or someone else’s? Who was actually at fault? How much further in life do you think you would be if you didn’t have those opportunities stolen from you? Have you honestly given up or have you kept fighting for the things you have always wanted to do, even if it’s not in exactly the way you wanted to do it? 

So, I will end it with this question, when that time comes for you to make a choice that will determine the potential future of someone, what will you do?