Still Writing

My mom came back home and she was just like " What? do you just watch Tarot cards all day long? "

I didn't really answer because I knew it didn't matter what I say. If I defended my position of writing emails, making videos and helping people with English, practicing Japanese, etc. I don't need to explain myself today.

My energy is very low today, I didn't drink my coffee so, I know it is my fault for that but I don't mind. I needed some of the naps I took. I also played with Yumiko, she was sooo cute today. She as such a cute little spirit to her. She is just a baby girl, I love it.

I mean, going back to the tarot discussion, it was sort of a dour read. But I rather listen to this random ass reading than talk to my mom at the point. Periodt.

I am hoping that after a few naps, I will have energy to organize stuff. My mom said she would help me on Tuesday and I am trying not to get too hopeful for that. It is going to take a butt load of grace and patience to work with her at this time, and realistically it is actually not possible so, I am not sure how it's going to go down. I just have to stick with the stonewalling and, just figure it out as I go.

I got to remember what I learned in Cedar Hills, the two things that allowed me to survive that place, I guess survive life: keep my journal, do i gong.

If I am honest, I haven't done qi gong too much lately or anything physical, that is probably what is affecting my mood as well, but I feel like I don't have time on there. That also makes me kind of sad because I was going to get 2000 dollars if I lost 50 lbs but I am just bombarded by people who are like wanting to sabotage me, but even without that there are so many things I need to do so, it is almost no time to actually dedicate time to losing weight. I do know that I could've been a bit more bold like asking that fitness trainer at the gym for help, or anyone at any gym for help.

That is very much my fault I know, for not being bold enough to ask for what I need. I can't lament for that 2k anymore though. I mean the only two options are either put another 500 dollars down to maybe get half of that, or just leave it alone.

Fast forward to the evening and one energy drink later, I have an abundance of energy. I am really happy about that but I sort of went berserk on Hello talk because I was so tired of the trolly conversations and people asking for help and became a raging bitch, but I don't care. People are really unreasonable and will ring you dry if you don't create boundaries.

I also wrote some reviews of tarot card readers which were funny so that's nice. I also applied to some jobs again, went through some net interviews. Some people are still considering but I can't wait for them so I keep applying.

I also had a... well I guess it was resolved anyway, but my case worker for assistants and I had a bit of a 'discussion'. I ended up leaving that company because they really weren't ever going to help me. I was trying to create a cohesive "battle plan" as it were, and they found that too "aggressive" since it wasn't what they written. Despite me being the client and it is my life that is to be planned. As if my wishes are lesser to their company's policies.

Now, I know I am pretty blunt and not necessarily flowery when I am more serious but, that is especially the case when the person in front of me doubling down on mellifluous verbiage sort of makes me gag. It is like a creepy Uriah Heap to me.