One

Ah, I had a really hard time last night. It was really cold and a police officer came and asked me to leave where I was at because it was private property.

It was a real odd conversation... He recognized me as who I am, but I denied it because I didn't want him to take me back to my mom's house in case that was the one who called them. He accepted. I don't know if he was just a patrol officer or if there is a location I was going to head up north but the side of the roads that way are too dangerous and there is no reasonable way to walk it without being ran over by the cars.

I was too tired, my feet are sore. I didn't mind the cold actually but, the not sleeping well is hard to reconcile. I ended up peeing my pants but luckily I had some body wipes in my pink bag and I had some extra clothes in my suitcase. I also had a bug bite or scratch that decided to flare up.

The next day I decided to go to the community college. I tried to use one of the studying nooks to set up my computer and stuff in my backpack. I thought maybe I could utilize their whiteboard there to make some videos for my Upwork account to make it seem more legit.

I was sooo tired and it took a while to for all the electronics to charge in the outlets. I sort of took a cat nap on some chairs in there but I was really happy and hopeful that it might work out. I was just too tired to do anything.

Unfortunately I didn't get to dye my hair, no make up, and fat now but.. I tried my best to put on the best clothes I had in my suitcase and tried to record the video. I did finally get video but it ended up being too long. I was too exhausted to edit or redo it, I also was debating on using my time to looking through the couch surfing app or something else. I had a limited time and a small amount of energy but I did manage to get some stuff done.

I ended up going back to my mom's house. Very Very very very very relunctantly. But the more I thought about it, though it wasn't as bad as I thought, the cold months are coming in and I was not confident that I could actually figure myself out before then.

Also what is crazy is that I got to talk to Gabor Mate on a chat app. He was using a fake alias on there but I knew his voice. I felt it was the most bizarre string of events. Part of me wanted to capitalize talking to him but there were too many people in the room and it was actually too chaotic to really make any sense or reason in. Above that though, I didn't have the energy to do anything, even if it was us just 1-1.

What the fuck is this life? Ah... I am so tired. I just need to sleep. I am sleeping on this floor.

I am done with writing I am just trying to reach the word count at this point. I don't even have any final thoughts or words for anyone or my self. I am defeated and sad and I don't have strength to work on this anymore today. I am hoping that some of my projects might work but I know they won't do anything to prevent my subscriptions from lapsing.