so i started the world's worst cult

i really did start the world's least lucrative cult. i gave the real secret techniques away on my patreon already. there are three practical exercises: the playlist augury technique, the three mantras, the twelve principles. the "that chick is crazy crazy" techno-psycho-babble bits are optional extras, and only one of them costs anything to read. the secret recipes to fine-tune your psyche with your favorite music, without having to change religions or start one if you are a non-believer? they're coming to patreon this weekend for $1/each (of three).

TALK to YOURSELF

the first targeted playlist augury technique is, like, the very definition of self-help. the purpose of this playlist augury introspection technique is to bolster confidence and improve self-image. the vibes are curated to boost self-esteem, self-love, emotional regulation, and personal growth. i use this technique to sift through psychological baggage for breakthroughs like panning for gold.

TALK BACK

next up is my interpersonal targeted playlist introspection, and it's all about relationships. the people in your life, perhaps someone in particular, are on your mind and you need some help sorting through the complex emotions you feel. enter the curated vibes and guided introspection of this highly adaptable playlist. i have used it to work through feelings about my mother, sister, friends, husband, and self.

MANIPULATE FATE

finally is the take charge of your destiny guided introspection playlist. the vibes here are high-energy, productive, and geared towards seeking out and seizing opportunities where they are rather than waiting for permission to launch. this is the technique i used to confront my fears about starting a holistic philosophy, otherwise known as a religion or a cult.

SIDEBAR

I am crazy. Like, for sure. My diagnoses include CPTSD, depression, anxiety. I'm paranoid; I fully expect to get shot. I'm possibly delusional, but I'm not wrong, and I can prove it if you give me a chance. The basic playlist augury technique takes some effort to compose, yielding a playlist of 250-300 unique songs you won't ever skip. it doesn't (appear to) matter what platform you use; i made my playlist on YouTube and my research partner used Spotify.

DOPAMINE DRIP

a practical sacred principle of meta-alchemy is neurostimulation—the production of dopamine and other neurochemicals to effectively manage and stabilize mood. music has the ability to trigger these chemical centers in our brains, with personal taste playing a significant factor in processing background emotions via topic and genre variations. no two playlists are going to look the same, but they all serve the equilibrium.

PROS vs CONS

the philosophy is eco-friendly and practices harm reduction. the elixir of life is a metaphor for the state of equilibrium and its serendipitous frequency, not a literal potion. you can pray with dance. no one is above another so every faith is right. unaffiliated with any faith in particular so compatible with any faith. can also be practiced without any belief in a god or god-like being. all exercises are grounded in practical, physical science.

HOW TO BECOME A METALCHEMIST

becoming a metAlchemist is deceptively simple. there are three core tenets: evoke, evolve, extract. these form the mantras "where there is scant energy, evoke. where there is sufficient energy, evolve. where there is surplus energy, extract."

next come the twelve principles, which manifest as four groups of three. progress, protection, and proactivity. neurostimulation (mentioned above), neurodiversity, and neuroplasticity. intention, intersection, and introspection. consent, context, and continuity. these principles act as general values and guidelines similar to religious commandments but without the strict proscription.

for example, if your preferred method of neurostimulation is to give to charity and your preferred introspection method is yoga, that's still metAlchemy. you will still reach the state of being referred to here as equilibrium, as long as you are actively doing the work and seeking the universal equilibrium through good deeds.