Six Minutes That ended my 5-year old relationship

He moved out in a flurry of angry words and slammed doors that would reach a crescendo in the six fateful minutes that ended my relationship. We had been together for five years and I'd always thought that we'd be together forever. But, in this moment I knew that we had reached an irreconcilable impasse. He was so angry, but I was the one that felt the grief that weighed heavily on my soul. That moment felt like it could last forever - the silence that hung in the air like a thick fog.

In my heart, I knew it was time to let go and set a new course for myself. I knew that he wasn’t in the plans anymore. We both just stood there in disbelief, not knowing how to undo the pain that had built up in the preceding five years. Finally, we both managed to express that the time was up. We loved each other and tried to hold on, but it just wasn’t meant to be.

As I started to process the emotions, I was able to see why the relationship had come to an end. We had grown apart and we simply weren’t a good fit for each other anymore. There was this anger in him that I couldn’t understand. He was never violent but threw many things at me, slammed many doors, and punched walls. Then there were the times I felt neglected. He was working hard to try and survive, but in a way that was causing us to be apart more than together. With all this in mind, I eventually realized that it was time to have a conversation and make the decision to end the relationship. I knew that I had to leave months ago and I didn't. I hoped and prayed that he would get better and that he would change and he didn't.

So I confronted him and told him that I didn’t think we could make it work anymore. He got mad as he usually does but it was different this time. He was trying to make excuses and saying things like, "It wasn't all like this and we just need to try harder". His anger was something that he didn’t want to work on. At this point, I knew there was no point arguing. After all those years of being in a dysfunctional relationship, I finally reached the breaking point. I knew what I had to do. He was so angry that I don’t think it was just anger it felt like a lot more than that. He looked hurt and I didn’t want to hurt him anymore so I just asked him to go. After a few moments, he refused to move and stood there with a look of disbelief

I knew that he would say something, anything to make me stay. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction, so I stood firm and started to walk away. He kept repeating that did he say something wrong. I kept thinking maybe it was all my fault. I managed to muster up what I hope was the strength I needed to end this conversation with a “This is it. We’re done. Goodbye” and I walked away.

He didn’t try to stop me, but I could feel his eyes on me as I walked away from the man that I loved. I could hear him crying in the stillness of that mix of pain and pain of letting go. I wonder if he knew he was losing me. I gave him all the best of me and all of my empathy.