Silent Inside, Screaming Outside

I sit in the corner of the room. Still. Calm. Silent.

To the outside world, I look fine. Maybe a little reserved, maybe too quiet at times, but always composed. No dramatic outbursts. No oversharing. Just a calm shell of a person, seemingly unbothered by life’s chaos. But what people don’t realize is that behind the silence, there’s a storm. My thoughts are never quiet. They scream, constantly.

Every day I carry the weight of a thousand questions. Will I ever be enough? Am I doing enough? Am I on the right path? The future feels like a black hole vast, uncertain, and terrifying. I overthink every little thing: a word I said in passing, a look someone gave me, the delay in a reply. I replay conversations like broken records. I question decisions I’ve already made and fear the ones I haven’t.

But what hurts most isn’t the uncertainty — it’s the comparison.

Somewhere out there, someone my age is already "making it." They have careers, awards, relationships, clarity — things I feel miles away from. I scroll past their updates and smile politely, but my chest tightens. How did they get there so fast? Why do I feel like I’m still at the starting line while they’re running full speed ahead?

And I know deep down that we all walk different paths, that timing isn’t a race. But that doesn’t stop the voice in my head from whispering, “You’re behind.” That whisper grows louder in the silence. It becomes a scream when I try to rest. I lie in bed, eyes open, drowning in thoughts that have no end.

Some days, those thoughts motivate me. They push me to do better, to keep trying, to prove that I can make it too. They spark ambition. But on other days, they crush me. I spiral. I withdraw. I stare at the ceiling and feel nothing but exhaustion from carrying so much in my head and all without ever saying it out loud.

That’s the tricky part of being someone who “looks fine.” People don’t ask questions. They don’t check in. You become good at hiding. Smiling when you need to. Performing the role of “okay.” But you know deep inside that you’re not. You’re just trying to survive the day without falling apart.

And this isn’t a pity party. This isn’t about wanting attention or applause. This is just real. Raw. The truth so many of us carry in silence. We don’t always talk about it, but we feel it that pressure to be more, to catch up, to not disappoint the people who believe in us, and especially the fear of disappointing ourselves.

But maybe, just maybe, it’s okay to not have it all figured out.

Maybe it’s okay to overthink sometimes, to care deeply, to worry about where life is going. It means we want more. It means we haven’t given up. And that matters. Because even if the thoughts are loud and the silence is deafening, we’re still here still trying.

Trying is enough for now.

So to anyone else whose thoughts are screaming in the quiet, who smiles in public but falls apart in private I see you. You are not alone. You are not failing. Growth is messy. Healing is loud inside. And progress doesn’t always look like movement. Sometimes, it's just surviving another day with a heart that keeps beating despite everything.

Hold on.

Let’s keep going even with the noise in our heads. Because maybe one day, the thoughts will soften. The silence will feel lighter. And the room will still be quiet but so will our minds.