Selfish Encounters

Serenas long red fingernails tapped on the wooden table as she waited for Travis. On the table sat two wine glasses and a half empty bottle of merlot. Travis’ wine glass sat crystal clear, whilst smudges of bright pink lipstick coated the rim of Serenas. Travis was now twenty-eight minutes late. Serena exhaled loudly, not out of frustration, but in attempts to pull herself away from thinking obsessively about Travis. Vivid flashes of the countless flirtatious interactions they had shared in the office made her feel giddy. She scanned her eyes around the carefully decorated beer garden she was seated in. Her gaze was met with many gruff, disgruntled patrons who projected energy of resentment and exhaustion. Serena knew immediately that the bleak energy coming from these men were closely related to the activities they performed between the hours of 9:00am – 5:00pm. Activities which this population of people deemed unavoidable.

Empathy was a strong trait of Serenas. She held a unique ability to accurately visualize and an individuals life views and emotions from interactions as brief as far-away observations. Serena exhaled loudly again, this time from frustration. Upon scanning the pub she found majority of the pubs dreary inhabitants eyes either fixated on specific parts of her body, or were running repetitive scans over her. A disgusting, invasive feeling arose within Serena that she had been forced to become accustomed to. Serena was gorgeous. Her face beamed with both beauty and kindness. She also took immense pride in her appearance and enhanced every aspect of herself by following a rigorous skin-care routines and developing meticulous makeup skills. Her hair was long, and a shade of honey blonde which complemented her bronzed skin. Her lips were large, pink and plump. Above her small button nose sat two bright green eyes that were framed by a wild forest of long ebony eyelashes. Serena loved being beautiful, to her, she was walking artwork. Men constantly gawked at her, with debaucherous intentions which were made obvious by the expressions on their face. Serena understood from age twelve, the nature underlying this look and that baring it would be the cost of her choice to embody overt femininity which she linked closely with her personality. It was at this age she decided to disregard the feelings of egotistical men and become unapologetically beautiful. For herself and for other women who held the same ideals.

Serena sipped her merlot and reminisced on the time she first realised her feelings for Travis. Travis was the senior manager in the at the office she had just started at. One evening, he sat himself next to her to assist with setting up her company log-on details. Serenas entire body tingled the first time she saw him smile at her, “what a beautiful man” she thought. As small-talk progressed, she realised his level of intelligence and kindness were both visibly high. Serena started to feel fearful in response to her observations. Fear of appearing unintelligent to her new superior and this incredible person whom she now regarded so highly. Her anxiety resulted in a nervous giggle at the end of every sentence Travis spoke. Travis observed Serenas behaviour and after six nervous laughs, realised the origin of the giggle. He found her anxiety endearing and chuckled. His laugh made her look up and for the first time, he was able to look deeply into her electric green eyes. For a moment, it felt as though his body was glowing. Along with great beauty Travis somehow saw the immense compassion and purity which pulsated through Serena. Overwhelmed, he looked away quickly, and made it his mission to alleviate her anxiety in hopes of engaging in a non-work related conversation. Serenas nervous laughs continued. Each time it did, Travis also giggled, squeezed her shoulder and made a reassuring comment. Serena calmed down noticeably and Travis started to witness unique traits of her personality. For the majority of the interaction, Travis was grinning. “You’re adorable” he chuckled in response to her dramatically howling over a minor inconvenience related to the computer. Serena felt her blood freeze and looked up at Travis to meet his eyes, immediately she understood the kindness underlying his actions. Tears started forming in the corner of her eyes and she felt her heart warm. She loved him. She barely knew him but she knew, immediately that she loved him. Travis knew saw the tears and he instantly knew their source. The core of his heart too, felt warm. If he stayed any longer he knew he would tear up as well. Travis slammed his hands down on Serenas desk, let out a loud and exaggerated laugh and waltzed back into his office. "Goodluck Sez!", Travis had realised that what he felt with Serena was love. Love for his married work colleague.

Travis’ spikey hair appeared in the corner of serenas eye, “it is time” she thought. Serenas gaze didn’t budge. She didn’t want to experience the moment of awkwardness that would occur if she watched him walk over to the table. “Everything must be perfect” she thought.

Sezza!, he beamed, he didn’t show a shred of guilt over being late. Serena had never had a nickname before, and her elegant nature disdained the name “Sezza”. Her adoration for the creator however, outweighed any negative feelings and she was pleased to hear the unique nickname he had given her. She stood up, hugged him tightly, and smiled. “Already got us a bottle of red, Nice one Sez!” he squeezed her arms. “You’re welcome”, she grinned nervously. They both sat down.

Discussions and laughter flowed non-stop. Despite being a timid woman, Serena felt more comfortable with Travis compared to some of her dearest friends. There were three empty bottles of merlot sitting on the table by the time Travis finally asked if Serena would like to go for more drinks as his house which was just around the corner. She very happily agreed.

Serena had been married for three years to a lawyer named Ryan. His parents had migrated to Australia from the Philippines giving him luscious dark hair, enlarged lips and mannerisms unique to his cultural background. All of which Serena had found irresistible. They had met at work. Ryan was working on a difficult case and required extra assistance. Serena was assigned to assist him through a temp agency. Ryan, like most men, became infatuated with Serenas beauty. However, he hid it well. Ryan saw the potential of Serenas intelligence and pushed her in ways like no one else did. She soon upgraded her role as receptionist to be a paralegal and was all of a sudden successfully juggling it with full-time University.

Ryan was a beautifully minded man with a career which never ceased to grow due to his was overwhelming feelings discontentment towards his achievements. He knew these negative feelings were key to his motivation and chose the path to success, fully aware that the journey would be a hollow one. He was also aware he would be abandoning the path to true happiness.

When Serena met Ryan she took great note of every last shred of good in his personality. She mistook his insatiable greed for ambition. Ryan worked hard at keeping Serena infatuated with him and was extremely successful at doing so. After only nine months of dating Serena agreed to marry him. Fourteen months into the marriage Ryan ceased attempts to woo Serena and again poured his entire attention on his career. Her love for him faded as Serena started to see she would only ever have half of a relationship with Ryan. Despite his personality flaws, Serena also saw how deeply he loved her and knew if she continued the relationship she would be rewarded a stable loving family. She also knew Ryans heart was pure. Sacrificing long-lasting passionate, hedonistic love was a small cost to pay for loving family with this golden hearted man. Serena agreed to pay that cost on her wedding day.

Travis opened the door to his house and they immediately walked into his bedroom. Serena stood on her tippy toes and passionately kissed him. He kissed her back for before pulling away and laughing. “Why are you laughing?” Serena objected. “Because of the abruptness of how you kissed me, considering it’s our first” Ryan replied. Serena giggled and pushed him onto the bed and ripped off his clothes. Finally, the moment they had both day dreamed of, hour after hour, in their bleak desk jobs was happening. Serena, in complete ecstasy had the thought “this is the most spectacular moment of my life”.

Serena stayed the night, she had texted Ryan that she would be working overnight. He suspected nothing.

The next day she woke up hours before Travis and spent all of the time staring deeply at his face and listening to his light snoring. Serena remained as present as she could before Travis’ alarm went off. She knew that these would be their last moments together. After the alarm went off, Ryan made Serena breakfast and she drove him to work. “Why aren’t you coming in? It won’t be weird, the people we work with definitely do not have intuition strong enough to detect anything” Travis replied to Serena after she announced she would be taking the day off. “It’s more than that, I just need to sort a few things out”. Travis sighed, Serena lifted his head and gave kissed him as passionately as she could. “Goodbye Travis”, she said softly as a tear rolled down her cheek. Travis looked slightly confused, “You’re one of a kind Serena, I hope our paths cross again”.

Serena drove home, wrote and sent her letter of resignation. Three days later, she texted Travis informing him that she told Ryan everything, could never see him again and that she had chosen to work on her marriage. All lies. Travis expressed deep hurt and outrage. Serena however knew that over a six months period his passion and love for her would slowly disintegrate into nothingness. Similarly to the many of the other men Serena has engaged in tumultuous affairs with. After the texting was over, she began to cry. Loudly. Despite being well aware that her relationship would be short lived, she had still loved him. Travis was still, and would remain embedded in her heart forever.

While Serena stood next to Ryan at the alter, she was well aware of the commonality of hedonistic love encounters and how profound they can feel. She also stood fully aware of her inescapable hedonistic nature and married the most beautiful man she could find, knowing that she could never be faithful to him. Serena was a woman of ethics, and she had decided to stand by Ryan forever as she knew how rare a man as kind as he is to find. She also vowed to herself never turn down love. Which is why she had so many hidden affairs. Along with her deep love for Ryan, Serena was cursed to carry the guilt of what she was doing to her husband along with the holes the affairs left in her heart. Still, in emotional agony, Serena closed her eyes and saw Travis' beautiful face. She saw his smile, heard his laugh and was brought back to the time when he made her feel overcome with ecstasy and euphoria. While Travis may be out of her life forever, her memory would stay with her forever. Serena felt physical pain in her heart and moaned in agony. "I would still do it all over again" she thought.