Ripped Raw!

I am not going to lie, I have a confession. I really struggled in my teen years. Having an undiagnosed medical condition for most of my elementary and all of my high school years gave me way too many hours in bed, contemplating life, thinking much too hard about things that I could not control. I was hurting. I had many friends that had gone thru self-harming, I watched on the side lines, thinking that perhaps this was the release I was looking for. I was preparing myself educationally and mentally to become a school psychologist. I was very aware of the idea of the temporary relief some found from cutting themselves and knew that this would not be a positive choice. But, when life deals you some unfair cards sometimes you start thinking outside the box. So, my journey continued and I eventually made the decision to start cutting. Now I know what you’re thinking, cutting herself? The answer is No! I actually had stumbled upon and found great pleasure in the cutting and ripping of material! The way the scissors sculpted the cloth, slicing and shaping my masterpieces, even the sound of the blades striking together, it became so rewarding! I began searching the topic of clothing ripping and cutting and I was fascinated to learn about a couple of interesting topics.

The first being Kriah, the ripping of a loved one’s clothing, one that has passed away. To honour this person a cut is made on the left side of the clothing over the heart for the parents and on the right side for all other relatives. Sometimes people choose to express deep feelings of grief by cutting on the left side for relatives other than their parents. As the tear or cut is made the loved ones recite a blessing. What a special way to remember and respect a human life! The other interesting fact I found when googling cutting and ripping was about space. The discussions of black holes are quite fascinating with the concept of ripping a hole in the fabric of space and time. Evidently when a star collapses it creates a black hole. Some have a very powerful gravitational pull making it a really big deal! So, this cutting expedition was captivating as well as educating, to say the least. My first trip to the thrift store found me excited with the creativity possibilities. I like my jeans high in the waist, so I went straight to the men’s section and scoped out my perfect pair. I excitedly paid and made my way home, humming and smiling all the way. I carefully laid out the jeans, assessing my best plan of attack. It had begun, my cutting obsession.

I meticulously started slicing and fraying, it looked so cool (pardon the pun)! I continued until I felt that I had my first finished product. Unique, self-made, awesomeness. What a rewarding feeling creating this one of a kind, wearable pair of jeans. I was so satisfied with my pants that I then moved on to shirts, fringing, blading, making the precise cuts for my fashion design. I actually impressed my friends and relatives with my product, prompting requests to design for them. This self-growth period of my life took me down a road I did not expect to travel, with many curves and hazards along the way. I have inspired many others to deal with their feelings in various ways, branching out and finding a safer and perhaps a more creative way to deal with “life”. I am proud to say that this story has a happy and successful ending. Yes, I have become a therapeutic cutter and I am so proud to have discovered this new passion for life!