our own weird

My dates don’t go as planned. I am an older man in the dating scene so I tend to get dates that are well interesting. One such date I am glad to reflect was very interesting. She wanted to drive herself to the restaurant so I thought "ok" she is independent so I also drove to the restaurant. I go in and find she had picked a table. I went over to see a woman that I did not recognize. She was still nice looking and sweet but heavy just to be nice. All the pictures I had seen where from 10 years ago. But I was a heavy dude myself I was not going to complain about something I have problems with myself. I give the waitress an order for 2 glasses of Merlot.

I say hello and sat down. She was red faced and embarrassed and said she knows she did not look the same as her online pictures. That does not matter you’re here and look at me I am not slim by any means. She said yes I know. I was like wow thanks! Our conversation was small talk the boring things we mumble about but we were breaking the ice and had the glass of Merlot I had ordered. Not sure if that loosened her tongue or made her brave but somehow we got onto medical procedures we had done. I talked about cuts and stitches I had and she decided she wanted to talk about a colonoscopy and before that test . It was some test or procedure that drains or removes fecal matter from the intestines.

It would have been enough to say that and go on to other topics but she dwelled in the facts. Oh man it was interesting to watch sunflower seeds come out and peanuts and to be honest I had not eaten those in over a month? See they get stuck in the lining or the doctor called it impacted fecal matter. So here I am trying to eat my salad as my date keeps sipping the merlot and talking about poop! We get to the main dishes and I had ordered stuffed cabbage or they called it pigs in a blanket it looked good and I had broken it open and was about to eat, meanwhile she has not stopped talking about fecal matter and how it can stay impacted for a long time unless you have it removed. The longer it stays the more damage it could do but when it comes out! And she stops looks at me and with out batting and eye says it looks just like that as she points at my dish. She goes back to talking about the colonoscopy and how she did not really feel it go up her butt, then she winks at me like I want to do anything with her butt now. I know way more on a first date then I ever wanted to know about fecal whatever. my thoughts are this woman is on the wild side. She like to play when she drinks. I was not into that. We end the date and She smiles and thanked me for such a free and easy night.

I kissed her on the cheek and said I had a great time as well, you have very interesting stories. Oh no she said they're not stories they all happened to me. I know I misspoke, have a safe trip home. I never did eat any of my dinner I drank the last of the merlot and took home the dinner but every time I saw it I was reminded of fecal matter so It was wasted in the end. That night I ended up eating a fast food burger and fries. She seemed like a nice person but explained private issues in detail way to detailed but we both enjoyed the merlot.