Word of the Day: 進捗

I came to school with a really heavy bag. I packed both of my computers in my backpack today. I guess I need to actually work too but I am just spending my time here for some reason. I am not getting financial aid, they keep sending me emails about that I made " changes " so I am like... ok I guess I have to handle it. It is very annoying. Hence why I am sitting here. My backpack is super heavy and I don't want to climb all those steps. I haven't eaten a lot lately. I mean I am happy I lost like 4lbs so that's good but, I am pretty miserable for the most part.

I find it nice to just sit for a bit and type. It is kind of my comfort zone but, I think we all need rest for things. I need a break. I really just want to go to ocean or something.

I mean I had several people asking me to go out the other day but I was too stressed and burned out to be around people. I feel that just describes my constant state. Too stressed to do anything, not enough energy to do what I want. I guess I should exercise or something but, I feel like I am completely an automaton right now and, it isn't really in my best interest to leave that Because then I won't have anything.

I guess I don't understand humans anymore, but I mean I need to be around them so I am just doing what I can.

I do think I need to bring a bottle of hydroxicine here just for like emergency purposes. I have never been opposed to that since it is such a low dose anyway. As much as I don't like abilify and the other crap.

I just got a notification about karaoke. I need to go to the advisory appointment right now. I will move either way after 54 minutes. I guess I really need to just take it easy right now. I am just freezing up in this chair from stuff.

I am most likely being monitored so, I am just maintaining my routine and submitting what I can.

I am sort of remembering Pan's Labyrinth all of a sudden. I do enjoy that movie.

My mom was the first one to mention the fact I wasn't wearing a bra. I just don't care at this point.

I am sort of diving into the depravity of actually living I guess. Even if you try to be polite or not intrusive, people are going to think things of you anyway so, it really doesn't matter.

I guess I just got to do whatever I need to do to survive, but I mean. I live in the in between moments and, when I don't have any more paper.

I need to people watch more. I think I have been putting my head down too must lately, trying to get stuff done but, I am just not confident in figure out how to do stuff either way. Efficiency feels more comfortable. Focusing on the bottom line rather than feelings is just my default. Because feeling feelings takes a lot out of me.

I feel turtle dove sort of zooming into my vision sometimes trying to get me to channel but, I really can't do it while I am at school. My house is fine, but the school needs to be a neutral ground for me to figure things out.

I need to go to the bathroom again soon.