One hell of a ride!

...and keep your hands & feet inside the ride at all times!

Hi! My name is Candie and this is essentially going to be a continuous brain dump of memories and emotions, journaling, poetry/prose, etc. as I work through my childhood trauma, heal old wounds and embark on the epic adventure of figuring out who the f*** I really am underneath all the pain, anger, sadness, etc. *insert any other drowning, smothering, suffocating negative emotion here* FINALLYYY at *almost* 35 years old.

This ever-evolving memoir of my own personal "series of unfortunate events" that I have been not-so-epicly surviving for the past three-plus decades will include triggering themes such as child abuse (physical/sexual), self-harm/suicide, mental health struggles, drug use/abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault, miscarriage/infant loss, etc.

But please, don't get scared away just yet! This space is also about my spiritual journey, mindset work, and glorifying God for all he has done in my life thus far and being a witness to His unfailing love, forgiveness, and mercy; I want to share my story with all its deep valleys that could have - maybe should have - swallowed me up whole, but He always saves me just in the knick of time.

Over and over again He has shined His light in the darkness and guided me out of the valley... or at least tried until about halfway up the mountain I fall backward and tumble all the way down the hill. Smh. I trip over my own two feet like the clumsy human I am but if I'm not too stubborn to ask for help, he is always there to catch me and walk with me back up the mountain until we reach the peak (more like, if we reach the peak, am I right? lol). No matter how badly I think I've screwed it up this time, He forgives and never gives up on me. He can and will do the same for you if you let Him.

It is my goal to be authentic, transparent, and completely vulnerable with my audience as I share this process with you. I want every single one of you that may have similar feelings and experiences to know that you are not alone. I have felt so disconnected, isolated, and utterly alone my entire life. I know how it feels to think there is no end to the pain, no end to the anger and bitterness - to literally long to be soft, feminine, and full of light but unable to shake the veil of darkness over your life.

I know what it's like to question God, my purpose, my entire existence... and what it's like to try to sabotage it, end it on my own terms, and completely shun my Faith. I know what it's like to feel unworthy, unclean, unloveable, unforgivable, etc. My brain and my heart are a literal disaster but this is where I start putting all of the pieces back together because it's not my fault that I am broken right now but it is my fault if I stay broken forever.

Anyways, this is bound to be a hot mess express from one day to the next (as is life, in general) but I hope you'll join me & maybe we'll find that we're not so different after all. I believe we all have a story worth telling and it's our divine assignment to give it a purpose, and share it for the better good of ourselves and others - you never know who needs to hear what you've got to say so SPEAK UP. I hope I can inspire you to sit down and process your own shit and stop letting it control you.