My Significant other slept with my parent

I love storytelling. I love listening to stories. Tiktok provides a lot of Reddit stories I like to listen to whether scary or drama, real or not. I like stories. With this said there is a story about a man who discovered his wife cheated on him while his mother in law was in the house staying with them. He slept with the mother in law for 8 days and wanted to talk about how amazing she was in bed; but the wife doesn’t know since they are separate. The mother in law left and moved to another state and he plans on divorcing his wife but hinted to the story that he may be trying to visit or hit up the mother in law whenever; this insinuates he wants the ex-wife to know he slept with her mother. Obviously this is revenge cheating but I see a lot of problems with that, not because of the female and I am a female; but rather looking at the situation as a whole.

This story highlighted to me the wife’s horrible errors and I have very little to say about the husband’s reaction but the mother’s behavior is the one that I notice the most. In all technicality, everyone fucked up; especially the mother. I commented “Everyone is in the wrong & this will not go well. Divorce, heal & move on. The mom is the worse than them”. This means the wife is wrong for cheating to begin with. The husband did a common revenge cheating theme but he should divorce, heal and move on (not try to linger around the mother in law); but the mother’s consistent choice to sleep with her daughter’s soon to be ex-husband is the most problematic behavior. However, my comment of “everyone is in the wrong and this will not go well.” upset a common PornHub fantasy fan base. I found it to be interesting because the immediate redundant angle is approaching me in the comments that I am protecting the female and the husband sleeping with the mother is well “earned”. I also find it interesting that these enraged by the toxic masculine biblers instead of leaving their own comment separate from mine; they feel like they are “sticking it to a woman” by responding. Rage Against The Machine made impact because their words matter and came from a place of thought and originality; not arguing blindly for something that doesn’t validate all forms of behavior.

One of the commenters wanted to point out how “I missed” the fact that they were separate. I reminded them it’s not about that; I am looking at the mother’s actions. They wanted to validate the husband so badly and hinted that they are married of 18 years; and if she cheated they would be done. Based on their defensive behavior this sounds like they have considered sleeping with their mother-in-law already and equally important, if their kid cheated on their spouse that means it is ok for them to sleep with their child’s ex-spouse. I asked them this directly and they disagreed that they wouldn’t sleep with their child’s ex-spouse but wanted to again; validate the husband.

Another commenter wrote “that is what females do cover for bad female behavior, she cheated everything else matters less 😂 I’m glad he blew the dust of her mom’s biscuit”. The repetitive angle of “she’s protecting the girl for her bad behavior”, as if toxic masculinity does not fight to validate their toxic traits based on knowledge they’ve obtained through the Dunning Kruger effect. I replied “The mother is a female engaging in bad behavior. I stated everyone is wrong but especially the mother.” I was not confident they knew the mother was a female; the question of what is a woman came up with a Dr. Robinson and I wanted to be sure the commenter was not confused. The husband did not deserve to be hurt but the betrayal of the mother’s choices is deeper.

The situation is honestly a quick news clipping disaster away. The males upset with me seem to be protecting the common Porn Hub genre of Mother and Daughter. Granted, we know men will stick themselves literally into anything; but the situation is highly problematic. We have a soon to be divorced couple who obviously had issues that the wife should have worked out with the husband or divorce him. The husband hurting saw an opportunity for revenge sex and sleeps with the mom. The mother leaving sounds like she probably does not want her daughter knowing; while he does. A mother making a consecutive choice to sleep with her daughter’s ex husband sounds like the mother has thought about it before or has issues with her daughter; either way the relationship can not be healthy.

You read these stories whether the child cheated (like this story) or was behind their back or they were hospitalized; and a parent chooses to sleep with the child’s significant other. The husband is not causing the trauma to the ex wife; the mother is and that is what I am looking at. Often these stories come from the mother being jealous of the daughter’s youth or looks and wants to find a way to hurt the daughter; deeply rooted unhappiness and internalized misogyny. Let’s go on a bigger scale, Christine Hubbs was convicted for sleeping with 2 teenage boys; including her daughter’s 14 year old boyfriend. There is a specific bond that is supposed to exist between parent and child and the parent is crossing the line. These situations will completely tear apart families, not just hurt the ex-wife but also the mother in law lover and whomever else in the family learns about it. These situations do not end well. He got his “revenge sex” but needs to leave it alone and properly heal; because cheating is a deep wound. Another news outlet reports a woman who was in a 20 year marriage and felt lonely and the boyfriend moved into the home of the parents with his significant other; and approached the mom with “I can’t help but to think there’s something between us”, this plunged the family being destroyed and the boyfriend into a relationship and being a temporary dad for the other 4 kids. In the end, the relationship didn’t work and the mother’s husband took her back eventually but the daughter never forgave her. Although, he took her back I doubt it was for healthy circumstances; probably just to take care of the kids. (https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/real-life-stories/i-slept-with-my-daughters-boyfriend-498546)

Another story talks about a daughter who confided in her mother about a boyfriend being abusive and pursuing the boyfriend after telling her daughter to leave the relationship. The mother’s excuse was “I was sex starved” because her and her husband weren’t having sex; but there’s a deeper issue. She could have looked for anyone else but instead she chose her daughter’s abusive boyfriend; without regard to her 27 year old marriage. Hmmmm, marriage needed counseling so I’m going to go do this instead. It’s toxic behavior. It is unhealthy. These relationships do not have healthy grounds for a relationship whether a romantic relationship or only sexual relationship; because the involved parties will have their own agenda. (https://newsbreak.ng/slept-daughters-boyfriend-three-times-not-always-mother/)

“My daughter was living with me at the time. She’s 22 and had come back home after finishing university. Her boyfriend was 23 and he looked really fit and I felt really happy for her. Then I came home early one day and found him up in my bedroom, pleasuring himself with my used undies from the laundry bin. I should have thrown him out but instead I seduced him and showed him just what a mature older woman can do. He became so besotted with me that he wouldn’t back off. We kept on having sex on the quiet just as much as we could. I knew we were playing with fire but we still carried on, until one day my daughter walked in and caught us at it. She stormed out crying and moved out the next day and went to live with a friend. Her ex-boyfriend still lives with me and he’s madly in love. The sex is still great but I know he’s too young and he’s so immature.” She was divorced and stated she can get men but wasn’t attracted to men her age. The young guys she would get didn’t stick around. She has one that’s trying to stick around and she doesn’t want him; now she’s lost a family member.

Let’s look at the TikTok “The woman took to TikTok to explain her unique situation and said: ‘My mum slept with my boyfriend behind my back for 8 months up until the day before my 18th birthday, then left with him and has since had a baby and got engaged. 4 years with no contact.‘“, this means the mom pursued someone who was underaged. Do we really think an 18 year old wants to be shacked up with her and have a kid? After they were caught making out, they gaslighted the daughter to what she witnessed and even told it would be her fault if her brother was raised without a mom. Not much of a mom. (https://www.the-sun.com/lifestyle/4255904/mum-boyfriend-ran-off-together-engaged-baby/)

Sadly there are articles discussing how to know if your mom is after your guy like here https://www.bolde.com/9-warning-signs-mom-wants-sleep-with-boyfriend/ There are endless stories like https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jul/09/relationships-family#comment-4827437 this woman is trying to get advice when her daughter and boyfriend break up, the daughter is devastated and the guy immediately hits up the mom. The mom says she’s lonely. She met up with him for a few times for drinks and then it’s not something more. These sad threaded stories on here https://infidelityrecoveryinstitute.com/my-mum-slept-with-my-boyfriend-what-should-i-do/

This boundary should not be crossed the other way. Revenge sex or sex with friends ruins relationships as well; but it is very different when it is family. This isn’t just societal morality at play; it goes deeper. It’s fascinating to see toxic males work hard to defend the husband; makes me wonder that if they have sons and their sons cheat do they think it is ok to sleep with the son’s girlfriend or their daughter-in-law? These are permanent problematic situations. The parent should always respect the boundary. The mother could have been sex starved but chose the person in the house.

There are mothers who simply do it for attention. There are stories of mom doing it because they were jealous of their daughters and wanted them to feel “ugly” or unworthy in comparison with their specific lover. With that much toxicity, this is how people end up in the news. The mother’s actions will have a deeper impact on the daughter than the husband could ever. Everyone is flubbed up and everyone needs therapy.

The males are so quick to say “oh she deserves it!”, but I doubt they would be so keen on the guy cheating on the girl and she slept with his dad. This is a boundary for either gender that should not be crossed.

Here we have a guy whose girlfriend slept with his dad, https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hywao1/my_25m_girlfriend_22f_has_slept_with_my_dad_52m/ His father is 52 years old and his girlfriend is 22. Girlfriend moves in and the dad cheats on his wife with his son’s girlfriend; whole family is destroyed. Girlfriend is wrong but the betrayal of the boundary breakage from the father is unacceptable.

If these guys read the same article about a girl whose no longer with her boyfriend is now sleeping with his father; they would be livid about the guy knowing. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5483109/Girl-sleeps-ex-boyfriends-DAD-details-everything.html It’s the double standards that highlight to me because the immediate argument is “I’m defending the woman”, when in reality I am not. It’s fascinating. This article some women applauded her for being sexually liberated but if the son ever finds out; his relationship with his dad will have damage.

Sex seems to be revered as an action more than the comprehension of it. Those who comprehend sex, have the best sex. I am not talking about strictly romantic relationships but all types of platforms of sexual relationships may integrate. Those upset with me for looking at the bigger picture will cheer the guy on for achieving a PornHub fantasy because sex is an action; without true comprehension of enjoying it. The most condescending part is that if it the genders were swapped they would still validate the male for cheating and say the female was wrong for having an affair with the dad; because those boundaries could never be crossed in their eyes.

References

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/behavior-problems-behavior-solutions/202102/5-things-daughter-needs-her-mother

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201502/8-toxic-patterns-in-mother-daughter-relationships

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/teenagers/what-is-a-toxic-mother-and-how-does-she-affect-relationships/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201905/8-things-toxic-mothers-have-in-common

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/silencing-your-inner-bully/202002/the-source-toxic-family-relations

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/silencing-your-inner-bully/202002/the-source-toxic-family-relations

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/handle-toxic-family