My shoplifting addiction Part 2-the shit hits the fan!

Let's face it, shoplifting is not the worst of crimes.

My main fear was not so much the threat of conviction but the consequences of a conviction. I could deal with being convicted if nobody knew about it.

The first hurdle was the press. Having your name in the paper for a petty crime is embarrassing because, in this era of the Internet, it's de facto there forever. Getting it removed from internet search engines is not guaranteed.

The court reporter will ensure that your address is published, so you can't claim that it is a different 'Joe Murphy'. As I mentioned, my second set of crimes was committed in a small town, making local press reporting even more likely.

It's part of the justice system to publicly humiliate people so that you might serve as a warning. It doesn't matter about your mental health or addiction issues. It doesn't matter if the services you needed were not provided.

It also doesn't matter that tax evaders who might owe tens of thousands of dollars /evasion rarely enter a courtroom, because deals are often made. Yes-tax evasion is a crime.

But look, I knew the law and the way it worked, but I still flew too close to the shoplifting sun.

I must add that there were gaps between the calls I got from the cops and my actual arrest. Neither cop was in a rush to book me. I wasn’t denying my guilt so that an appointment could be made.

The arrest in Dublin was straightforward. Half an hour in and out. Lots of crime there. If you are going to get caught shoplifting, get caught in Dublin.

Even though Ireland is a heavily centralised state, with no federalism, the way cops deal with arrests varies from region to region in Ireland.

The arrest in the small country town took about three hours because the local Superintendent decided his cops had nothing better to do than spend three hours processing a shoplifter

I was fingerprinted (with old-fashioned ink). I was given a DNA swab because of the apparent connection between shoplifters and sexual offences. Im joking.

I had to sit through all the footage and plead guilty to each offence (8 in total). I had pleaded guilty already, but no streamlining in the sticks.

Three hours later, it was done and all over €200.

Taking care of two court cases (Dublin and the sticks) took over ten months. Part of this was because I delayed the cases over treatment, but the significant delay was getting into the probation service and getting an appointment. Again, hours and hours were spent over a grand total of € 250.

What might I suggest as an alternative? Well, firstly, if someone is pleading guilty to shoplifting, it should be dealt with in their hometown. This would avoid somebody like me driving hundreds of miles, or the cops driving hundreds of miles to have me arrested and put before a local court. I emphasis that I pleaded guilty straight away. No need for witnesses.

Asking me to meet a probation officer should only take one hour, and the probation not the four I had to spend.

In the end, I didn't get a conviction after a lot of finger-wagging from both judges. They didn’t want to destroy my career. There was also no newspaper reporting. The idea of reporting is obviously a deterrent, but it often results in suicide.

The whole ten months were a nightmare. I stopped shoplifting, but I drank more and often got suicidal. Any treatment I got was largely private, as public mental health services are a joke in Ireland.

My wife and son found out, and I had to try and explain it to my 11-year-old son. Still trying to explain it. Thankfully, my wife didn't divorce me. She knew my history.

I had visits from the cops, as occasionally, especially after drinking, I had suicidal feelings. Picture your kitchen table with two cops sitting around it at 2 or 3 am. I felt so very alone, and for half the ten months, I carried the burden without the support of my wife, not that she was very supportive when she found out, but any support was appreciated.

The visits from the cops made no difference in the case. In fairness to them, they probably get a lot of criminals trying the suicide card and telling the difference between the chancers and the truth speakers is a minefield.

I was lucky to have many friends I could confide in, but day to day the burden was mine. I felt I didn’t belong in polite society. I was a teacher for fxxx sake. What a fraud

My wife decided to tell her family, as some of them lived in that small country town. It was a decision I disagreed with, but I had little choice, given that she could have asked me to leave at any time.

I often cried myself to sleep. What a pathetic fool I had been

Although there are thousands like me in Ireland, Shoplifters Anonymous has not been established in the country. Perhaps someday I will found a branch.

If you read this and are shoplifting, please see a therapist. I’m assuming addiction. If it's through real need- poverty, you are shoplifting, then there has to be a better way. Even a food bank is better than stealing.

All addictions feed a need. But the addiction itself then becomes a worse issue. Im still trying to figure out what need I was filling.

Im lucky I didn't commit suicide. Shoplifting is not worth it.