My Last Love Letter to You

My Love,

I am writing this pre-emptively, as I already know the end has come. I was hoping you’d be my forever. At the seasoned age of 28, I am well aware we don’t always get what we want. The biggest, brightest, hottest stars always burn out the quickest. Cliché as it might be, I suppose the same could be said of our relationship.

My love for you is so intense and all-consuming. It hit me like a tsunami. Quickly, you became the most important aspect of my life. Being with you was magical.

Your ambition, your drive, your humor, your personality, your work ethic, and your patience are all so amazing. I had never met anybody like you before. It was refreshing. Our shared childhood trauma and similar family dynamic also brought us together. We both have scars that other people might find hard to understand. I thought we were the perfect match.

Over time, you overtook my heart completely. Every day, I loved you more and more. I never thought a love like this was possible. It’s what people spend their whole lives looking for. I knew very early on that I wanted to spend forever with you. I had never been so sure in my life. I would have done anything and everything for you.

The last couple of months I could feel you slipping away. We were not our happy goofy selves together anymore. I could see the disinterest on your face when you looked at me and could feel it when you would push me away from you after reaching for a hug.

I pushed and pleaded for your attention. I just wanted to get an ounce of the affection you showed me in the beginning. You used to put so much effort in at first just to be around me. I became addicted to that feeling. I became addicted to you.

Maybe I should have listened when I tried to end it before it had even begun. It would have saved me a lot of heartbreak. Then again, I wouldn’t have been able to experience this type of love if that had happened.

The feeling of losing you has been so hard. It has felt like a withdrawal from the most intense of drugs. It has made me push harder and harder for even a sliver of your affection. What I received in return was not nearly as satisfying as the first couple months. It caused you to pull away even more, until what was left is almost nothing. I feel like if you had just expressed what you needed from me, I would have worked on it and we could have avoided this situation. But, that is purely speculation.

I know I am far from perfect. I know when something upsets me it is very hard for me to let it go. I know something small turns into something big right before my period. I am always sorry for the extent something bothers me, but it doesn’t change the fact that it does bother me. I was willing to work on my communication with this and we had started taking steps forward to alleviate this.

But, I now know that it is too late. I know the damage has been done and that there is something that exists in me or in our relationship that you cannot look past anymore. I hope when you finally end it, I will see what that was.

Just know, I was in love with your flaws as much as I was in love with your qualities. I can’t expect you to feel the same about me, as everybody has their limit.

My goodness how I wish things were different. I wish you could look at me with the same love as before. I sat in the honeymoon period for months as your feelings faded. Nine months is a beautiful amount of time and I’m so grateful I got to spend them with you.

I will always love you. I truly believe you are my greatest love. I don’t know if it will ever be possible for me to love this much again. I wish you the absolute best. I hope you find what you are looking for. I believe 100% that all of this could have been avoided with better communication. But, communication is neither of our strong suits.

I am praying that my dreams of you will fade as your feelings did for me, because I cannot take this heartbreak the rest of my life.

With that, I will leave you with some advice. In your next relationship, please be more open with your partner. Please make her feel like she is important and that she matters. Listen to the things she’s upset about, with open arms and understanding. You can be incredibly daft, clueless, and frustrating at times. Don’t pull-away when she wants to express love towards you. You are deserving of love. Please don’t see wanting attention as clingy or needy. Nobody needs attention all the time, but sometimes you do need to go out of your way to make her feel loved. At a minimum, she deserves affection and communication from you. A simple, “Thinking of you” can go a long way. Please talk to her about what is going on in your life. Good and bad. She wants to feel like she is a part of you and a part of your life. You can have your own hobbies and your own activities separate from her, but remember you come home to her. Lastly, always remember nobody is perfect. There will always be flaws. As relationships go on longer, they do require just as much work as when you first start dating and you will need to choose that person every day.a

Thank you for this experience. Thank you for everything you have done for me. Thank you for being kind with my family, I wish I could have met yours. Thank you for guiding me down the right path for finances. I will carry that that with me the rest of my life.

I wanted to be your wife. Now, we will just be strangers with shared memories. I cannot be your friend. It will be too heartbreaking. I will always think of what could have been.

I love you dearly. I hope we both find a love like this again.

Forever Yours,

Wendy Jayne