My husband and I never shut each other out of the bedroom

"When I came home last night, you wouldn't make love to me." This is the opening line of the 1981 Rick James hit Give It to Me Baby. The sentiment of a woman withholding sex is a part of the fabric of many relationships.

From Harriet Winslow on Family Matters to the days of Lucy and Ricky Ricardo on I Love Lucy, women have punished husbands by withholding lovemaking.

During the past sixty years, I have seen wives in television and film kick their spouses out of the bedroom. On TV, there is always audience laughter when a wife hands her husband a pillow and slams the bedroom door shut.

This implies that if your significant other pisses you off, you get revenge by not giving them what they desire, but what about a wife desiring their spouse?

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I have heard women over the decades say, "If he stays out late, he ain't getting none tonight." My husband and I were different. In 45 years of being together, we never used the marital bed for reward or punishment.

When I shared this with my daughter, she asked if I ever turned her dad away when I was sick or tired. I replied, "No." As a matter of fact, when we made love we found that we felt better.

Even if we had argued, our tradition/ritual was to come together in bed. I am not talking about what some people call wild makeup sex. I am referring to two mature adults who loved and understood each other.

Even though my spouse sometimes went out without me and came home late, when he reached for me, I responded. He never had to say "Give it to me" because I was always willing. I understood the Bible's teaching on the sanctity of the marriage bed being undefiled.

We never had to do anything to spice up our relationship because we always wanted to be together. People I talk with find this unusual adn share that there were times they could not stand being touched by their spouse.

I have listened to women say they hated sex when they were pregnant. I have heard men say they did not desire their wives while they were expecting. My husband and I both enjoyed making love until I went into labor.

After a church marriage seminar where Victoria's Secret was recommended my spouse said it was a waste of money because the clothes were going to come off anyway. I agreed with him.

Still, other couples say the sexy lingerie keeps things interesting, and I have been asked how we kept things fresh. No one believes that we did not do anything unusual except reach out and touch one another. People find it unbelievable that we could love each other and not get bored for 45 years without doing something to spice things up.

I was never bored, and when co-workers once told me I needed to experience other men before I died, I just looked at them and laughed. My husband was my person and I never entertained the idea of other men. People think this is strange too.

If we argued and I went into a different room, I could always expect that at some point he would reach out his hand to me and I would accept. I allowed him to be the man and lead the way, which also raises eyebrows from younger women who desire to be in charge.

My attitude was that I was not going to give my husband to any other woman by not meeting his needs. If he were going to cheat, it would not be because I was withholding his marital rights.

I did not have to entice him with sexy clothes because he just wanted me, no matter what I was wearing. Neither did he have to do anything extraordinary to get my attention.

Some people laugh at the idea of older adults making love, but my spouse and I were together the day before he had a stroke that took his life 5months later. We were 62 and 63.

When I tell women this, they find it odd and share stories about saying no and keeping their husbands out of their beds until they do something special for them. In my opinion, that's like rewarding a pet for good behavior.

I never had a headache or said "Not tonight." I feel this should be the norm, but I have found that most women disagree. When he reached for me after a spat, and I took his hand, this was our way of saying all was well. No grudges were held, and this worked for 4 decades of marriage.

I don't like that my behavior was the exception. If two people love each other and marry, then making love should be a blessing. Instead, some women withhold thinking it will make the man desire them more. I never played games, and neither did he.

We enjoyed our lovemaking, and I miss him dearly now that he has passed away. Neither of us ever shut the other out of the bedroom. The only time our door closed was when we shut it to spend quality time together.