My Guardian

“My mother was my role model before I even knew what that word was”

- Lisa Leslie

In Donald Miller's Book “Business Made Simple” he states that when we're born, not much is expected of us. We eat, sleep, poop, and cry, yet everyone introduced to us as a baby seems astonished. But- as we age, more is expected of us. Learning the difference between right and wrong, what is safe and dangerous, and later on, what is moral and immoral. It’s often said that what we’re told to stay away from we find ourselves the most infatuated with. At a certain age, I believe that type of rebellion is expected- Yet nobody prepares us for the extent.

It took bills of my own, hardships at your expense, and many avoidable lessons learned to acknowledge what you sacrificed in an effort for my success. I never told you- But after you put me to sleep, I would hide in the hallway of our home listening to your calls with every credit card used that day, until that three-bedroom turned into one. A one-bedroom apartment in A nice small town that you shaped for me. A poster on every wall and a Tv in the corner. Behind the couch in our living room stood a cheap INTEX blow-up you were forced to call home all the while with a smile bright enough to guide me home.

It is also said that when you become a parent, you no longer think for just yourself. You think about your child, and then what's after. To every lie you told in an effort to sort out mine- I apologize. I never thought ahead about how that deception would leave you feeling about yourself. The pain and disappointment in your eyes never hurt more.

To your fights with doctors in hopes of finding an effective answer to "What's Next" I thank you. No matter what medication or new diagnosis I was given- you never stopped fighting to find your Alexia inside of the vessel I had become.

To every meal you’d watch me eat while listening to your stomach growl, I thank you. To every restless night spent fighting over an absent father and who deserved to take the blame - I apologize. I apologize for realizing too late that the blame was never ours to take. Spending so much of my life missing the wrong person resulted in me hurting the only one who was ever really there. Through each ailment, I applaud your faith, and its inability to go astray. Your love shows through your constant effort of self-development and every tear shed at the expense of a missed Sunday Service.

Growing up meant acknowledging that I didn’t ask to be here, but there is no place I’d rather be. To my twelve-year-old self, this would be repulsed. But looking back- the things that you fought for me to master then, I am now living out every day. From communication to my ability to bounce back, you instilled those traits and many more I would not be here today without.

Above all, It may have taken 19 years to admit but you will always be my best friend. You were the person to hold me through my first heartbreak and the last person I talked to on the phone. Without the turmoil and distress we were forced to go through, We would not have as many Victories to share and inspire the rest of the world. Thank you.

The lessons I refused to learn? I hear you now, Mom.

The sacrifices you made? I see you now, Mom.

The good, The Bad, The Ugly.

I love it, I love us

I love you.