Midlife Musings: Wisdom, Like Whiskey, Refines with Age

Aligning your vision and your purpose is the single greatest source of inner peace after finding your person and your passion. I have more energy at 35 than 25, even though I am objectively older and slower. Older, slower and wise enough to enjoy a more gentle rythm of life.

As a young man, I had a sense of what I wanted to do, but nothing that was either precise or meaningful. I only wanted “success,” which meant chasing the fallacy of whatever society told me success meant at the moment. As I’ve gotten older, if anything I’ve begun to downplay my achievements. But I also have entirely different goals, because my definition of success is no longer based on the consensus of people whose opinions hold no value.

As I close in on middle age, I’m becoming less biased. “People believe the weirdest shit.” I don’t think all Biden voters are evil or all Trump voters were deceived. I think a lot of theories I read online from both mindsets are clinically ignorant and nefariously naive.

Whereas I used to want to dig in my heels and argue with people whose ignorance only competes with their waistline in magnitude, now I just say my piece and don’t really care if others agree with me. Living in an echo chamber is making the conscious decision to live out a self-fulfilling prophesy of doom and gloom.

“People believe the weirdest shit,” also 100% applies to me. We are all delusional in our own way, and we even hold delusions about our delusions. That sounds like a cliché, but if you learn to accept it, your patience level, your blood pressure and your overall happiness will increase, trust me.

We all have sacred cows that we’ll die on our hill for, just make sure they’re worth dying for. I never compromise my position when it comes to my family, my friends or my character, but aside from those three things, I will gladly chuck deuces and walk away from an argument that won’t teach me anything. Nothing else is deserving of my angst, my time or my energy.

Your mind is the greatest uncharted territory. The internet is cool, books are great and travel is good for the soul, but a guided, introspective experience via meditation is something to look into. I don’t dare say do it, because a visit to your mind may be traumatic in many ways.

That being said, confronting your personal demons can be a very healing experience. I’ve learned more about myself and the world since beginning anew with meditation. I’ve revealed guilt and trauma that I didn’t know existed, felt the wrath of my own choices in a terrifying way, and lived to tell about it.

Karma is legit. I have lived a far from perfect life, I’ve seen my own hate and bullshit redirected back at me tenfold. Start stacking good deeds like you stack cash. On a long enough timeline, your deeds will catch up with you.

Either because it’s an unwritten law of the Universe, or because your own subconscious mind gets the better of you. Maybe that’s why I’ve always thought pot paranoia & PTSD “Get along like tweakers & toothpaste.” My guilt and regrets seep to the surface with an ease and frequency I find less than relaxing.

As I hit the age of mid-life crisis, divorce and sports cars painted speeding ticket red, one of my many regrets is not having children sooner. Several of the men that make up the circles I walk in say the same. “Wish I had one more, and started sooner.” I have two, but I want 5.

Happier with children, but delusionaly OK without them. I can’t imagine life without children, but I was also OK without them. Notice I said “OK,” not outstanding. I wasn’t aware of the many things I was missing out on, because it’s one of those things you can’t know until you’ve experienced it. Children are a vibe you don’t really appreciate until you have them. My ideal outcome is to spend my twilight years surrounded by the sounds of my grandchildren’s laughter filling the halls of my home and my heart.

Shallowness and lack of substance in personal relationships is a destructive post-modern plague. You got the “love Jen for her body and that thing she does with her mouth.” How charming. You’re marrying the mother or father of your children. You’re marrying into a family. Compatibility is what carries a relationship to weather the storms to come, not bone structure or oral skills (those are just icing on the cake).

Receive without conceit, release without struggle.

Ask for help. Not everyone will be able to offer what you need, often because they need help themselves but are too afraid to ask. Men in modern society think asking for help is weak. Not asking for help and finding yourself stuck in a shitty situation you could have avoided is weak. Ask for help. And give help freely. Receive without conceit, release without struggle.

Be a river, not a reservoir.

Be a river, not a reservoir. Takers are like reservoirs, they fill themselves without ever giving back, and thus become stagnant. Go-givers are actively trying to lift up those around them, just as a river is an active body of water that flows and promotes life along its banks.

So remember, as you’re out there hustling to achieve your goals, to allow success to flow into and around you, you must flow into something else. Someone else. By giving your time, your talents, or your insight to others you will create a vacuum for these very things to flow back into your life. And that is a great experience.

As whiskey ages, it becomes more rich and refined. The aging process takes place in oak barrels, which impart distinct flavors and colors to the whiskey. As time passes, it slowly takes on more complex, subtle flavors and aromas, the harsh taste becomes more smooth and mellow, sublimely subdued.

However, not all whiskey benefits from aging, some can become too smoky or bitter if left in the barrel for too long. This results in something not unlike used yard sale furniture, steeped in nail polish remover. It ultimately depends on the quality of the whiskey, the type of barrel used, and the length of aging. You have to start with quality and strike a fine balance or you’ll simply be making a really shitty spirit into an even more profoundly disgusting substance.

So too is wisdom refined and enriched by the passing of time. But if the quality of our character is lacking, it won’t get any better with age. A 100 proof douche doesn’t transcend the planes of dipshittery by being a dick for decades more. Make your spirit one of substance, subtlety and soul. Time will do the rest.