Men Lose More in Divorce

He said to me, as I had left with negatives in my bank account, telling the judge to proceed once he stopped the divorce hearing, trying to advocate for me; a stranger.

“Ha. Not ours.” I said

“Yeah, I guess that’s true, but that is because you are stubborn. Bet you won’t make that mistake again.” Said the man...

Said the man, still living in the 2,000 sq ft home on 6 acres, we once owned together, that my name has now been removed from so, I no longer have any claim over.

Said the man that had to pay ZERO in alimony, although I was a military spouse/stay-at-home mom for 14.5 years with only a high school education and a part-time job at Wal-Mart. He, fully retired from the military with disability benefits plus a part-time job to fill his days since he was now a bored, semi-stay-at-home dad. Because I was the one finally saying “I’m done. I cannot live like this for another year, let alone another 20, 30, 40 years.” the burden of starting over, fell squarely on my shoulders.

Said the man who bought a motorcycle and new gym equipment while I was on government assistance to feed our children when they were with me.

Said the man who was able to quit his part-time job and still be able to cover his expenses plus extra, seemingly, with ease.

Said the man that made me pay him back every dime I borrowed to get new tires on the van he was still legally paying for and clothing for our children that he forgot to pack while I was escaping a mentally, emotionally manipulative, abusive relationship.

Said the man that hounded me for a certain dollar amount every week, while I was doing gig work to support myself and my children, 1,800 miles away with family for 6 weeks to try to fully and safely disengage from the situation back at home.

I succeeded in paying back every dime.

Said the man, who told me I was lucky, because 16 years with him meant I “never had to experience abuse.” Then, when I dared to say I wanted to build a small business for myself and the kids, he asked,

“Why? You have a husband.”

Said the man that convinced me to stay for 4 years after my breaking point with the false promise of marriage counseling.

Said the man that told me “you are abandoning your children” when I stated I needed to go to my home state for a couple of months to escape the relationship I was in safely, and to work without distractions.

So I brought them with me. For 6 weeks.

Said the man that told me I should start going to the gym… when I was too overweight for his liking, ya know “for my health”.

Said the man that told me the guys I was friends with in school were only my friends to get to my beautiful best friend.

Said the man that told me “you don’t know what you are talking about,” or “who told you that.” Literally any time I brought up an important topic we disagreed on, such as politics... or general humanity.

Said the man that voted AGAINST the rights of myself and our daughters.

TWICE.

Said the man that also said “If you spoke Spanish, you’d have been seen right away.” when discussing an insurance hiccup that caused an appointment to be canceled last minute, after I almost lost my life due to a disgruntled uterus.

Said the man who told me to “Try to stick this one out” when I got re-married to a man that I did not even know existed. One I manifested. I won’t just be sticking this one out. Together, he and I have worked tirelessly, and continue to work on communication and striving for a marriage that is thriving, not just surviving.

I am still trying to fully rebuild my life.

I am still the woman drowning in the middle of the ocean while every one else looks on and asks "why haven't you just learned to swim yet?" Like I will never get my head fully above water and I will never reach all of my dreams. However; I am still determined to never give up and to never land myself in a situation where I’m being told “men lose more in a divorce” by a man who, in reality, won in ours by a landslide.

The Messy Hippie 🌈✌🏻