May this love ever find me.

They say a woman’s first love is their father. Luckily for me, it’s my grandfather.

This generation has been more dependent on what is depicted in the media. They showcase the POV of lucky girlies who are treated well by their partners. And this actually prompts others to be “loved like this” or “may this love ever find me”. But little do they know what lies behind the screen. What is beyond the seemingly perfect relationship that one hopes to have.

Well, I’m one of those. Those who have high expectations towards their partners due to the great influence of what the media displays. Given that I am fatherless, I might as well rely on what we see on the screen.

But wait, I’m not entirely fatherless…

I have my grandpa/tatay

One of the realizations started to hit me as I saw my grandfather tying shoelaces for my white rubber shoes.

I was running late at that time and since I had a lots of things needed to prepare I forgot my shoes had no laces.

My tatay had the laces and began tying each onto my shoe. My white rubber shoes, which were bought by him. I vividly remember how I told him back then that I didn’t have rubber shoes. I was jealous of my friends who had them.

He instantly took me to the store to look for shoes that would fit my liking.

Although while tying the laces, he was nagging me about preparing in advance next time, my heart was full.

I am loved by a father who stepped up

He has always driven me to my school since elementary school. Despite pain in his bones and muscle spasms, he’d always insisted on driving me to school. Whether it may be his old motorcycle that is now displayed in our garage, or the car that he always drove, which was actually my aunt’s.

I cannot forget my biggest regret when he drove me to a contest at another school. It was a research contest, and by 7 am, he drove me from our home to this other school where they held the contest. I was expecting the venue would remain as is, and informed him about it before he left. As busy as I am preparing for the presentation, which occurred in the afternoon, there was a sudden change in venue. And due to many students representing each school of the province, the presentation went from 1 pm to 8 pm.

In the new venue, I wasn’t able to communicate with him due to poor reception. He wanted to pick me up, and we were staying at the new venue till 8!

Here comes the regret

My supportive mother who was with my tatay was the one updating me about my whereabouts. She told me, If she hadn’t went with tatay to pick me up, he wouldn’t know my whereabouts and he would’ve waited for me at the old venue (which was at the school) the whole entire time.

Emotions filled up the entirety of my body. It was both pain and relief.

And it began to hit me how he would go through lengths just to ensure my well-being.

And he’s like that to everyone of us in the family. Especially to his wife, my nanay.

Despite my nanay being a wife who overreacts and nags, my tatay would always be calm and doesn’t even raise his voice.

A love like that was all I needed

Among all realizations, one thing I learned is that sometimes we set high expectations because we thought we need it. I’ve never realized how much my tatay valued me as his own not until I saw those “standards” of love being portrayed online.

The love I wanted was different from the love I needed.

The love I needed was in front of me all this time

I’m not saying to lower your standards and expectations for a relationship. But sometimes we have to be wary of what the media can depict. It may seem all perfect for others, but behind all of that are imperfections as well, and so we should not expect too much of a perfect relationship.

In reality, love is all the perfect and imperfect combined. And we may not seem to notice, but it is all around us.

Maybe the love we needed has already found us, we just have to take a closer look.