Mama's hands

Mama...

The first four letters we utter in our fluttery minds and in our fluttered hearts.

And now... as I hold my Mama's hands this moment in time, envisioning it in my mind, my heart and my hands.

I tell her,

Mama, please don't go. Mama, please don't leave. Mama, I promise to not disappoint you again. Mama, please don't let go... of my mind, my heart and my hands.

Mama, I have so much to narrate to you. To confess to you. To confess my shortcomings, to narrate my disobedient moments, to confess my secrets and the one thing I could never do enough... To narrate, to confess my love. For you.

Mama... Mummy... Please open your eyes. Please let your soul linger just a tiny bit more in your aged pale body. Even if its as tiny as my baby hands were when your soul didn't linger in an aged pale body.

I will buy you a house, mummy. A mansion. A car. I will buy you treasures of Gold and Silver, actually no, you don't like silver. Its okay, mummy, I'll replace the silver with a lot more gold. I will give you my salary. I will give you my time. I will give you my cooking utensils that you love so much. Mummy, I will give you my arms, legs, eyes, and all that my organs could provide.

Mummy... Mama.

Just don't go... It's too soon, Mummy. I was going to tell you about the time I was 7 and I stole that MP3 Player from the girl at school. It's just that you didn't have the money to buy it for me at the time.

*Heart monitor beeps increase slightly*

I was going to tell you about the time I was 12 and I was bullied and harassed at school but you had so much going on at the time, I didn't want to burden you with more troubles.

*Heart monitor beeps increase slightly more*

I was going to tell you about the time I was 14 and I ditched class and stayed an hour in the bathrooms to avoid a test I knew I would have otherwise failed.

*Heart monitor beeps increase rapidly*

I was going to tell you at 15 how that escalated to ditching school for an hour each and every day for the entire... school year.

*Heart monitor beeps increase rapidly more*

I was going to tell you about the time I was 17 and I lied about the school ball being a graduation ceremony for students and staff only. It was actually a school ball where all the students came with booze and... dare I say it but... drugs.

*Heart monitor flatlines*

Mummy! Mama! No! Please!

***

The harsh light revealed every crevice and wrinkle in my face, and I struggle to cough and wheeze out a sheer breath of air. I stand up and find myself in a drape of pure milky white, designed around my body. I look around in complete silence of the complete silence of my surroundings. Every nook and cranny of this place is in black and white. I gaze over to the corner where the light shone from, and I make my way, slowly but surely, to it. I reach to push to door open, except my hand goes right through.

Whats happening? I wonder to myself. I reach for it again, and my hand goes right through.

Hmm, the mahogany details sure are exquisite though. I think to myself. I do love the material world.

I grow the courage and walk through the door, and suddenly, I am overcome with a relentless vision of a fairytale. The moments of a beautiful but troublesome life flash before my eyes. Scenic in it's motion and wholesome in its glory. I see my one and only daughter.

I blink repeatedly and my vision becomes a reality. I see my one and only daughter... to be sitting besides a woman and holding her hand. My daughter head bent over on the edge of the bed and shaking with sobs.

I lean over to see who my daughter is crying over and... It is I.

Why do I look so frail? I always thought I looked timeless! I ponder on that thought for a moment.

But the sound of gushes of wind interrupt my thoughts and before I could react, a hand... Just a hand is held out, palms flat, waiting to be grasped. By mine, I suppose.

I look at my daughter one last time, and whisper into the nothingness :

"I will never let go of your mind, your heart and your hands. I love you, too."

My daughter raises her head, kisses my hand, and replies to me :

"Mama".