Love Is Blind

Turns out that it doesn't matter how much he means to you, he'll never feel the same way about you. You can love him to the ends of the Earth and he still won't follow you. It doesn't matter how many times you say 'I love you', he'll still never believe that you are telling the truth. You can go out on dates, hold hands, and kiss, it won't mean a thing to him. He can live in your head rent-free but he will still think about someone else as you watch him with endearing eyes. You could spend hours on the phone, staying up all night because you don't want to ever be away from him and it still won't matter because he doesn't care! All you could ever want is for him to care as much as you do, but all you can do is hope.

Write him letters and he tries to give them back. Side against him once and he threatens to block you. Disagree with him and he tells you to pick between him or your friends. Beg him to take you to a dance and he agrees, against his will, and he's on his phone the whole time. Won't even spin you around once. I don't dare believe that all guys are the same because if they are all as kind and gentle yet evil and manipulating I will NEVER fall in love again. I can't go through this over and over until I find the one, I refuse. He's put me through enough. And yet he doesn't even know that he's done anything wrong. How naive can someone be?! He thinks that I would hurt him on purpose just because I got mad. He thinks that I would hurt him!! When will he understand that hurting him means hurting me too?! Sure, I'm frustrated. The person who is my everything shatters my heart every time they say that I lied about liking them.

You want to heal all of his pain, fix all of his problems, hold him until everything is better. But all he wants to do is leave you with emotional scars that will affect you from this point on. So yes, I may be mad and hurt because he'll never love me no matter how many years he says he'll wait for me. Cause he only likes the idea of being with me when we both know we'll never be truly happy. I let him call me names and degrade me and make me feel like I'm not worth a single thing in this world. When I should know my own worth! I should know that I am better than this, that I shouldn't let him treat me like this. But I can't say anything because he is my everything. No matter how many times he hurts my feelings I justify it. I right all of his wrongs. Every. Single. Time.

If loving him means that I have to go through this struggle every day, then so be it! He's worth every tear, every sob, every sleepless night if that means that he'll be mine at some point in my life. I'll go through every obstacle for him to be mine. I would do anything just to spend a lifetime with him. Even though he would never do the same thing for me. Maybe I just like the idea of being with him but hate that I'd have to suffer so much for one person.

If I'm being honest, I do want him to want me as much or more than I want him. I want him to think I'm pretty. I want him to compliment me. I want him to comfort me when I don't feel good. I want him to think that I'm worth it. But that'll never happen and I know I shouldn't have fallen for him, but I guess the saying is true. Love is blind.