Lost: His book

Do we have much left, Mommy?

My mother sighs, turning her head back to look at me.

-This is the third time you've asked that. We don't have that much anymore. You just have to be patient.

The long and boring road makes me upset. To cheer me up a little, my father plays music on the radio. I hug my plush green dinosaur to my chest and close my eyes. At least maybe I'll fall asleep until we get there.

-Be careful!

My mother's screaming makes me startle and open my eyes. Two dazzling headlights are approaching us at high speed. That's the last thing I saw before the car overturned on the roadside field.

"Mommy," I say scared.

My mother doesn't answer me.

-Did you?

I'm starting to cry. I shout at them again and again, but they don't answer. After a few minutes I hear a police siren, and the two-tone lights appear immediately.

-Come quickly! There's a child here! I hear the thick voice of a policeman.

He tries to open the back door, but fails. I'm starting to cry even louder. Eventually I manage to get the door out completely, and I'm pulled out of the car. I am carried in the arms of a policeman to his car.

-But mom and dad are there too!

The policeman turns his head to the car, where three more men were, and then to me again.

"What's your name?" He asks, sitting down in front of me.

-A-asher.

-And how old are you?

-Four.

-Look, Asher. You have to come to the hospital with us.

-But I don't leave moms and dads here!

He sighs, and his eyes look sad.

-Mom and Daddy will come too ... later.

-Good...

I get in the police car and look out the window at our car, upside down. I wipe the tears from my cheek and pull my nose.

Something doesn't smell good ... This is the last memory I have with my parents before they ... disappeared. After that, my life was an ordeal.

"-Asher, I don't know if you understand, but you're going to have to go to an orphanage since ... your parents can't take care of you anymore, and you have no other relatives ..."

I can't forget the words that marked my life and left a deep wound in my soul, which will never heal. The St. Anne's Orphanage has been my home since I was four. At first I hated everything about this place. Children, employees, rooms. All.

"I'm not staying here! Let me go! I want to go home!"

But over time, I came to terms with the idea and got used to it. It's not like I have another choice.

-Hey, Asher. Are you sleeping?

I turn my head to Gabe. His chocolate skin glows in the sunlight that penetrates the window.

-No ... I was thinking.

-La?

-Nothing matters.

Gabe has been my best friend since I got here. He was the same age as me. It was and still is my anchor of support. I can't even explain in words how much it helped me.

He gets out of bed and goes to the bathroom. Suddenly, Rachel's red hair appears from behind the door. This girl really doesn't know how to knock on the door.

"Night," she says.

He sits on my bed and hugs me. I bow my head to kiss her. Her lips are as soft and tasty as ever. He slips his hand under my shirt, drawing lines with his fingernails on my chest.

“What do you want us to do today?” She asks, looking up at me.

-I do not know. Tell me.

She lowers her hand to my pants, then smiles.

-I think I have an idea.

Gabe enters the room, and when he sees Rachel, he rolls his eyes. I can't stand it and I don't understand why. He takes his training flannel off the bed and then goes outside, slamming the door.

-So, what do you say?

I don't think I've ever refused it, and I won't do it now. From my smile he understands everything. He takes off his clothes and then climbs on top of me, licking my neck with kisses. This girl drives me crazy, but I like her.

*****

After Rachel leaves my room, I get up and go to the bathroom to take a cold shower so I can recover. After I go out, I wipe my wet hair with a towel. I go into the room and look through the closet for something to wear. I find a red T-shirt, and some torn black jeans. Perfect. I take my jacket that completes the outfit and I'm gone. I meet the gang near the building. Gabe and his boyfriend, Dean, are leaning against the back of the building. Rachel is sitting on the grass, and a smile appears on her face when she sees me. I decide not to sit on the grass, so I lean against the brick back of the building.

-Do you want one?

Dean hands me the pack of cigarettes he keeps hidden under the pillow so that no one can steal his fortune. I take a cigarette from the pack and place it between my lips, then light it. The smoke emanating caresses my lungs. That's what I call moments of joy.

"Did you hear about Rachel's new colleague?"

Rachel rolls her eyes and starts laughing.

-Looks like hell. She's too skinny to say she's skeletal. Plus she has some advantages over her face that you say she came from the war, Rachel tells us.

I laughed short. Today is a beautiful day. The sun is shining brightly in the sky and the wind is not as strong as yesterday. I look around the yard to see what's going on. Little kids playing ball, nothing new. Next to the old tree, as we call it, are two girls. I recognize one. And Stacy Groom. Rachel's roommate. The other girl, whom I have not seen before, looks at me, and seems to be looking at me carefully. When she notices that I look at her, she quickly turns her head. Then she reveals a purple stain all over her cheek. Well, that's the girl Rachel was talking about. Our new "colleague". I sit at the table in the canteen, in my usual place. Stacy and the new girl are sitting at the table next to us. I don't know why, but this girl caught my eye. Her light satin hair sits in waves. Her brown eyes look so deep that you can see her soul through them. It's true, she's very thin, and her skin is as white as sea foam. He tries to cover his bruise with his hair, but it doesn't work out.

-Asher, are you careful ?!

-Hm?

I turned my head to Gabe who was trying to tell me something but I didn't hear.

-Sorry, I wasn't paying attention, he repeated.

Rachel next to me frowns at me.

-I wanted to ask you if you're with us on the roof tomorrow.

-Sorry, I'm guarding that baby nonsense tomorrow.

I hear them laughing.

-I don't think you have any idea how hard it is to take care of 20 little kids alone.

This time I laughed even harder, infecting myself.

"Who's the lucky boy?" Says Stacy, and I hear her unintentionally.

-What matters? I'll never see him again anyway.

The new girl seems to be sad, and almost crying. Then they both leave the canteen. Rachel and Amy get up from the table. Rachel secretly kisses my cheek and then leaves. Dean is leaving too. Gabe and I are staying and we decide to go to the room. There's not much left to do, plus it's very hot outside. I sit on the bed in the room and Gabe sits down next to me.

"What's the matter?" He asks.

-You mean?

-Well, tell me. You've had this girl all day. Did something happen?

-Not realy. Everything is OK.

He looks at me intently and then raises an eyebrow.

-Not realy?

I sigh. I don't know what's wrong with me either.

-I don't know, Gabe.

-Didn't Rachel satisfy you this morning?

We both laugh.

-Yes, that was great.

-What about the Soul?

I look at him.

-Alma? Who is Alma?

-The new girl you've been staring at all day.

So Alma calls her. Nice name.

-Did your heels light up, boy?

I laugh at how absurd it can be. I don't even know her. Plus he's not my type.

-She would like to. She looks scared of bombs anyway. It is not my type.

-Mmhm.

I punch Gabe in the shoulder and then he gets up from my bed. Helmet unintentionally.

-That's all there is to it. What's wrong with you and Dean?

He rolls his eyes.

-He said he thought my eyes were running after Troy. And now he's mad at me. I tried to explain it to him, but he seemed deaf.

-That's impossible. Plus Troy isn't that handsome.

-I know, right ?!

-Let's reconcile you. You always do.

-I hope so.

I put my head on the soft pillow and close my eyes. I'm there again. In the car. In front of me, mom and dad are hanging upside down. I start crying desperately and I shout at them, but without any answer. I feel the streams of blood running down my face and hands, and my right leg is completely numb. I find my father's glasses at my feet. They have broken glass, and some shards have blood on them. I'm starting to cry even louder. Then I am blinded by a white light.

-Asher!

The policeman opens the door and pulls me out.

-Asher! Asher, wake up.

It scared me, sitting up and taking a deep breath. My heart is pounding. My chest rises quickly up and down and I feel hot. I look to my right and see Gabe standing by my bed. Out of frustration I hit the wall with my fist. I can not take it anymore. The same dream every night. The same nightmare.

-Ia!

Gabe hands me a bottle of water, and I take a big mouthful and leave it on the nightstand. I'm lying back in bed.

-Sorry...

"It's okay," says Gabe.

I know it's not okay. I wake him up every night too, and I'm already starting to feel bad. The clock shows it's 5 o'clock in the morning. There's no point in going to bed. I turn my face to the wall, sticking my forehead to the cold plaster. I don't know how long I can last like this. I can't wait to get out of this place. The thought of being alone for a few months alleviates my suffering. I still haven't thought about what I want to do when I get out of here, but all I know is that I'm going to be free, and that's all I care about.