Kundalini Psychosis: When Spiritual Awakening Feels Like Madness. My Descent Into the Abyss

I never expected enlightenment to feel like insanity.

When I first heard about Kundalini, I was intrigued. It's a spiritual energy at the base of the spine. Ancient texts said it's a divine experience, a merge with the cosmos.

But they didn't warn me about the terror. The hallucinations. The fear of losing my mind.

This is my story of Kundalini psychosis—when spiritual awakening crossed the line into madness.

The Beginning: A Search for Meaning

I was drawn to spirituality because I was unhappy with modern life. I tried meditation, yoga, and energy work. I read a lot about Eastern mysticism, wanting to reach higher states of consciousness.

Then, during a meditation retreat, it happened. A surge of energy shot up my spine. It was electric, terrifying, and exhilarating. My body convulsed, and colors exploded behind my eyes. I felt both ecstatic and terrified.

The facilitator said it was Kundalini awakening, a sacred process. But when I got home, the chaos started.

The Dark Night of the Soul

At first, the symptoms were subtle. I had vivid dreams and felt energy more intensely. I felt like I was being watched by unseen forces.

Then, I couldn't sleep. For weeks, I barely slept, my mind racing with visions. I heard whispers and saw shadows.

I thought I was channeling divine messages. But my thoughts were disjointed and paranoid. I wrote feverishly, convinced I was decoding the universe's secrets. My friends were worried, and my family thought I was having a breakdown.

The Thin Line Between Mysticism and Madness

Kundalini awakening shares eerie similarities with psychotic episodes:

Hallucinations – Visions, voices, and sensations that feel undeniably real.

Delusions – Grandiose beliefs of being chosen, enlightened, or under supernatural surveillance.

Emotional Turmoil – Extreme highs and lows, from euphoria to crushing despair.

Physical Symptoms – Uncontrollable tremors, heat surges, and electric-like currents in the body.

I couldn't tell if I was transforming spiritually or losing my mind. Western psychiatry would say I was psychotic. But in Eastern traditions, these experiences are part of awakening.

The Crisis Point: Hospital or Ashram?

The breaking point was when I believed I could control reality with my thoughts. I stopped eating, thinking my body didn't need food. I wandered the streets at night, following "signs" from the universe.

My loved ones urged me to see a psychiatrist. But I resisted. What if this wasn't mental illness? What if it was a brutal but necessary rebirth? I found teachers who understood Kundalini, and their guidance was my lifeline. They said the chaos was temporary—a purification, not a pathology.

Integration: Finding Balance

Slowly, the storm subsided. I learned to ground myself—through nature, breathwork, and surrendering to the process. I stopped fighting the energy and let it move through me. The hallucinations faded. The paranoia dissolved. What remained was a deeper connection to myself and the world.

But the scars remained. I now understand why some spiritual seekers end up in psych wards. Without proper guidance, Kundalini awakening can mimic severe mental illness. And for some, the line between the two may not exist.

Lessons From the Edge

Respect the Process – Kundalini is not a game. It’s a deep change for mind, body, and spirit.

Seek Guidance – Without experienced teachers, the path can be dangerous.

Grounding is Essential – Physical practices (yoga, walking, eating well) stabilize the energy.

Mental Health Matters – Spiritual emergence doesn’t negate the need for psychological support.

You Are Not Alone – Many have walked this path before. Their stories can be your compass.

Conclusion: A Fractured Awakening

My Kundalini awakening shattered me—and in the broken pieces, I found something truer. It wasn’t the blissful enlightenment I had imagined. It was raw, terrifying, and transformative.

If you’re going through this, know this: You are not crazy. But you are in a fragile, sacred space. Seek help—both spiritual and psychological. The journey is not about escaping madness but integrating it.

And maybe, just maybe, on the other side of the chaos, you’ll find a deeper kind of sanity.