July 26th, 2010

At 6:30 p.m. on this day 13 years ago I was sitting in my bedroom getting ready to watch WWE Monday Night Raw. My dad suddenly woke up from a nap and came to get me out of my room and told me that we had to go somewhere. When I saw his face I was troubled by his expression. It seemed like he was disturbed or distraught about something and I didn’t know what. As we put our shoes on at the front door my dad received a phone call. I didn’t know who he was talking to, I just remember that he told them that he was on his way to “be with his daughter”. This immediately raised my suspicions and I began to get worried. I really wanted to know what was going on. As we got in the car with my anticipation to know what was going on building, my dad shut the car door and sharply said “Joe YOUR MAMA DIED!!!”. A painful shock heated me internally.

We went over to my aunt’s house where my big sister was after that and she was an emotional wreck. Everyone went to my grandmother’s house to comfort my sister, but I didn’t go because I just wanted be alone. I was angry and didn't want anyone’s pity. I wasn’t angry because she died, I was angry because I felt like I didn’t get justice from how she did me wrong in the years before she died. She did try to apologize to me for all the wrong doing she had brought on my life, but I was too bitter and didn’t want to forgive her and even after she died I struggled a whole week before her funeral to forgive her.

The next week was a journey to forgiving my mother and once I did I finally came to terms with the fact that she was now gone. Being that I was dealing with bitterness I didn’t grieve when she first passed. It wasn’t until three days after she died that I finally cried the biggest pile of tears that I ever cried and when I did it was then that I realized how severely traumatic my experience was and then it hit me. Oh my God! I thought. My mom just died, my mama is dead. This is the greatest friend I ever had, my hero, the woman who gave me life and taught me what it means to love. She’s gone and she’s not coming back, oh God! My heart has been ripped out and I’m never gonna be the same person I was before this traumatic experience. What’s gonna happen to me now?

My life really did change forever on July 26th, 2010. I went through the most traumatic event that we will all have to go through at some point in life, but at the same time, I am actually thankful that I went through this experience. Because of what happened on this day 13 years ago I am a better person. On this day 13 years ago I grew up and gained wisdom, knowledge and a better understanding of life, as my mother had always wanted for me. Because of this day I learned what it really means to forgive and how no matter how bad your experiences were with someone you love, if you still have love for them, then there will always be love where love once was and that is all that matters.

My mother died on this day, but I never lost her. She watches over me everyday and I am thankful for the time we shared together. I’ll never forget the lessons I learned on July 26th, 2010 and I’ll always be thankful for my mother who gave them to me, Ruby Lee Spencer.