Is living as your true self just an excuse to be lazy and lenient with yourself?

Ordinary appearance, ordinary abilities, ordinary personality. We deeply despise that ordinariness in ourselves.

And on the journey to prove our exceptional selves, to become 'extraordinary,' we end up abandoning ourselves in exchange for acceptance from others. We trade what is most genuinely ourselves for external validation. Loneliness on this journey grows, and the feeling of emptiness within us increases. One day, we realize we've lost ourselves.

We no longer remember the last time we wore simple clothes because we liked them, rather than wanting to be liked by others. When was the last time we lived for ourselves rather than seeking validation from those around us?

We are exhausted from chasing the crowd’s standards of success. We experience extreme stress, even depression, and it’s time to 'heal.'

Society encourages us to live as our true selves - 'ordinary but not trivial,' or 'it doesn’t matter how others see you, what matters is how you see yourself.'

But have you ever wondered: Does accepting oneself mean justifying our shortcomings? If we accept ourselves with flaws, how can we strive for self-improvement and excellence? Is accepting oneself a form of leniency towards ourselves? If trying to return to our true selves means missing out on many opportunities out there, is it worth it?

Many times, I question what 'living as oneself' truly means. How can we live authentically while still striving for personal growth?

In the book 'Live Like a Firework' by Ruby Nguyễn, the tea master says:

'Returning to oneself means understanding oneself, appreciating and finding peace with what one has, with both beauty and imperfections. It’s about understanding completely, seeing fully so that we no longer hide, deny, or deceive ourselves. Being authentic doesn’t mean being careless, indulgent, or disrespectful. Authenticity is about deep self-understanding and finding peace with everything that belongs to you; understanding that you are on a journey of development, recognizing your experiences, acknowledging your unique values, and knowing you still have limitations to overcome. It’s about understanding your beauty while also exploring your hidden aspects. Embrace everything fully. Being true to oneself means not deceiving, not denying, and not trying to cover up flaws with glamorous façades. Strive daily for what is good and kind. That is authenticity.’

Living as oneself means discovering who you are and accepting yourself.

Ruby Nguyễn also mentions a crucial ability in today’s world: the ability to be authentic. This involves observing your mind and thoughts to differentiate between what is truly yours and what is merely illusion; what comes from your deep existence versus what is just repetition of your surroundings. By understanding your inner self, you can know your true self authentically.

Living as yourself is about discovering what defines you and what situations, experiences, and feelings make you comfortable; ignoring external expectations and listening to your inner voice, accepting every nuance and aspect of yourself because that’s where the truth lies. That is your true self.

According to Benjamin Franklin, someone who loves themselves has no rival. Each of us is born as a unique individual with distinct personality and qualities. No one is the same, and no one is meant to be a replica of someone else. Living as your true self means living with the natural aspects of who you are, without forcing or conforming yourself to anyone else.

If everyone in society strives for a common image or personality instead of being true to themselves, society will become uniform and hinder both personal and communal growth. Society thrives on the differences of each individual, and each unique personality contributes to the richness of life. However, not everyone understands or creates conditions for those around them to live as themselves.

'When you live as yourself, you don’t need anyone to tell you who you are or what you should be. You are simply yourself!' - John Lennon

The Dual Aspects of 'Living as Yourself'

Jack Ma once said: When I am myself, I am happy and achieve good results.

Living as yourself may be the greatest happiness in life. It means freedom. You are more comfortable, relaxed, and happier than ever. You are motivated to maximize your potential, thereby building genuine and meaningful relationships. It’s when you no longer need to wear different masks to fit various groups you interact with daily.

Living as yourself helps you:

• Not be affected by others' thoughts or judgments
• Freely do what you love and desire
• Understand yourself better and achieve your goals faster
• Live responsibly with and love yourself more
• Be filled with joyful energy
• Enhance your independence and control over your life

However, it can also be used as an excuse for laziness, unwillingness to strive, and unwillingness to improve. Misusing 'living as yourself' can lead to negative consequences. When we use it as a cover for laziness and leniency, we limit our growth and miss out on opportunities for improvement. Ignoring genuine feedback, whether praise or criticism, can make us stubborn, rigid, and stagnant in our thinking.

More importantly, overindulging ourselves can lead to a careless lifestyle, lack of goals, and a lack of motivation to advance. This not only hinders career success but also affects our relationships. When we refuse to change and improve ourselves, those around us may feel disappointed and drift away, leaving us feeling isolated and lost.

This is the downside of the current 'living as yourself' mentality.

How to 'Live as Yourself' Correctly?

First, take time to understand yourself. This includes recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, the values you cherish, and the goals you want to achieve in life. Understanding yourself helps you make suitable decisions, avoid external pressures, and confidently walk your chosen path. Additionally, accept and love yourself fully. This doesn’t mean ignoring your flaws, but appreciating what you have and continuously striving to improve. When you love yourself, you have the confidence to face life’s challenges.

Second, respect others. Everyone has their own perspectives, values, and ways of living. Imposing your views on others causes conflict and hinders mutual growth. Instead, listen and respect differing opinions, learn from those around you to broaden your perspective and understanding.

Third, live responsibly for yourself and those around you. Every action and decision we make can impact our lives and others. Therefore, think carefully before acting, take responsibility for what you do, and always strive to be a valuable member of society.

Finally, 'living as yourself' doesn’t mean stopping. Always seek, explore, and continue learning to develop yourself. The world is constantly changing, and we need to adapt and grow. Learning helps enhance knowledge and skills and opens new opportunities for a richer, more meaningful life.

However, we cannot live without the relationships around us. Will people understand and accept our true selves?

Humans cannot live in isolation from the relationships around them. Family, friends, colleagues, and even strangers play a role in our lives. However, when choosing to live as yourself, it’s natural to wonder if others will understand and accept your true self.

Remember: A genuine heart can move the heavens, let alone people's hearts. When you live authentically and show sincerity and respect towards others, some people will surely appreciate and cherish your true self. Although not everyone will understand and accept these differences, those who genuinely care will always be by your side and support you. So, don’t hesitate to reveal your true self; trust that your sincerity will find like-minded souls, and you will create meaningful relationships and connections in your life.

Also, note that 'living as yourself' isn’t a switch you flip on. Just because you live authentically today doesn’t mean you will always do so, as the world keeps turning and life continuously changes. You will encounter challenges that make you reflect and ask, 'What is it that I truly want?' (_The Present Writer). As long as you remain aware of stopping and observing, activating your authentic ability, and remembering: Your thoughts and yourself are often not the same.

Living as yourself is not an excuse for laziness or leniency. Live authentically, but don’t forget to strive and develop to become the best version of yourself. Root yourself in authenticity in a constantly changing world, for only authenticity is unchanging. Loneliness doesn’t come from lacking companions, but from being unable to be at peace with oneself.