I Tried to Save My Marriage, But It Was Destroying Me

My name is Ayesha. I was just a high school junior — in class eleven — when I was married off in 2023 through a family arrangement. My father's financial situation was far from stable. We were four siblings, and my elder sister and brother were already married. My brother’s wife didn’t like me much, mainly because I was still studying and my education expenses were considered a burden. So, to lessen the financial load, my family married me off at a young age. My husband’s family was financially well-off, and in the beginning, things seemed okay. I was treated with love and care by my husband and in-laws. A year into the marriage, I gave birth to a baby boy. That’s when everything started to change. Suddenly, I wasn’t allowed to go out with my husband. Even something as small as asking for a chocolate would lead to rejection or humiliation. I was forbidden to visit my parents or talk freely with relatives. I wasn't even allowed to speak with my cousins, especially male cousins some of whom were younger than me. If I did, I would be scolded, abused, or even beaten. When my grandmother died, they didn’t want me to go. I had to fight to attend the funeral. The same happened when my maternal grandmother passed away. I was heartbroken, but they cared little. My husband became controlling and abusive physically and emotionally. He demanded complete obedience. If I delayed even slightly when he asked me to sit or stand, he would beat me. Even if the baby had a fever or vomited, I would be blamed, abused, and hurt.

Eventually, I returned to my parents’ home. My father-in-law came to take me back, promising that things would change. But within a week, the violence resumed. He even tried to choke me once, causing bleeding. Despite living in a joint family with in-laws and elder brothers-in-law and their wives, no one came to my defense. They witnessed everything but chose silence.

I left again, this time seeking refuge at my aunt's house. My family pressured me to return, thinking about the future of my child. I agreed, hoping for change, but my husband didn’t even come to get me. Two months passed. Then suddenly, after Eid, he showed up, not with apologies but with entitlement. When I questioned him, he shamelessly said, “What’s the big deal in hitting or abusing you a little?” Even in front of my father, he raised his hand on me. That was the final straw. My father said, “You won’t go back with them. Not anymore.”

It’s been three years since we got married, and I still don’t have access to his phone password. I'm not allowed to talk to my family unless he listens in. Calls are always on loudspeaker and recorded. If I’m ever seen talking to someone at home, I’m beaten. My isolation is complete. Now I’m standing at a crossroads. Should I go back to that life, just for the sake of my child? Or should I finally choose myself, my dignity, and my peace of mind and walk away through divorce?

I’m scared. I’m confused. I don’t know what the right answer But I know this: no woman deserves to be treated like this not in the name of marriage, not in the name of family, and definitely not in the name of love.

Forced into marriage at sixteen, I hoped for love but instead, I found pain, isolation, and a desperate fight for my dignity. Please keep me in your prayers so that I may find the strength to choose the right path and live a healthy, peaceful, and beautiful life.