I'm in Love with My Best Friend

My best friend and I have known each other since I was born. Our parents were friends. We are both military brats, so having a friend since birth is nigh impossible.

Soon after I was born, the Coast Guard whisked both of us away. Then, six years later, it brought me to Oregon, and only a year later, he followed.

When I met him for the second time, my mom told me that we were friends as babies. I was curious, since I didn't remember him (of course). He and his mom came over to meet my mom and I. As our mothers chatted, he and I sat awkwardly for a while, just looking at each other.

But it didn't take long before we were thick as thieves. I had girl friends at school, of course, but he and I were a different kind of friends. Somehow better. We played with my dog, ate my mom's pizza like there was no tomorrow, and somewhere along the road, he got a crush on me.

When we were about seven or eight, he told me that he liked me. He asked if, when we were sixteen, we could go on a date. He asked if he could kiss me- maybe in front of the whole restaurant. I told him, "Yeah!" and giggled a little. But we never went on that date. We never kissed. I moved away when I was nine, and then he ended up moving not too long after.

Within the past few months, we reconnected. We live miles away from each other. We're both young adults. He's become undeniably funny, charming, and attractive.

I think when we first started talking, we both had a bit of a crush on each other. He said that he would have taken me on a date. Then we both put our heads back on straight and realized we should just be friends. This was a bit disappointing, but I accepted it and knew this was really for the best. We are, after all, in completely different states that don't even touch. We are, after all, in different religions. We could never work out.

Lately, though, it's been hard. I've had dreams. Nothing dirty, of course. But dreams that always feature him. And how he's always there for me. Just like he is in real life. And it's not helping my already undeniable feelings for him.

He is always available to talk, no matter what I need. I try to be there for him too, whether he needs to gossip about the girl that's totally into him or if he just needs moral support. I haven't told him some things yet. I will eventually though. That's what a best friend is for.

I'm working on getting over him. I'm talking to a guy in a town not too far from mine. I'm starting to crush on him, but that doesn't change my feelings toward my friend. Regardless of anything else, I'm in love with my best friend.

I wonder all the time about what would have happened if I had kissed him when he asked, or if he had kissed me. I wonder what would happen if he lived closer. If he and I were in the same church. And it'll take a long, long time to stop wondering and get over him.