I Feel Like Seeking More

As I write this story I’m thinking of the tasks I set out to accomplish in the near future. Sometimes it can overwhelm you, and sometimes it can make you fight even harder. I’m in the fight even harder stage. I desperately need changes in multiple areas of my life.

I’m tired but I’m not weary , I’m more tired mentally, emotionally and physically. In that exact order. Do you ever think to yourself, ( I know there must be more and better for me than this)? I feel so grateful to still be here on one hand and I question my progress on the other.

Yes, I believe and I feel like I should be farther along than I currently am. Have you ever paced back and forth because there was so much on your mind?

I’m currently doing a mental pace, I’m pacing in my brain. I feel like things are winding down. I feel like I’m spinning my wheels. I feel like I need more time to right some wrongs. I feel like I have paid the ultimate sacrafice. I feel like I have settled for less. I feel like I have so much on my chest. I feel like I should settle down. I feel like I’ve lost my crown.

I feel like I was born to win, I feel like I’m on the outside looking in. I feel like I’ve given too much. I feel like I’m more than enough. I feel like the time is sprinting and not ticking. I feel like I deserve a new beginning. I feel like I’m pressed for time. I feel like hitting rewind. I feel like I’m lost in the shuffle.

I feel like, my voice is muffled. I feel like I wasnt designed to win. I feel like fighting until the very end. I feel like I try so hard to make things work. I sometimes wonder if it’s a mistake. I feel like I need to catch my breath. I feel like He is all I have left. I feel like pressing on inspite of unrest. I feel like I’m one of the best. I feel like He created me to win. I feel like everywhere I look there is sin.

I feel like I can’t give up now. I feel like I’ve had enough. I feel like what‘s the point. I feel like a fresh anoint. I feel like the seasons are confused. I feel like I’ve been misused. I feel like there is no trust. I feel like sometimes I’m stuck. I feel like never giving up. I feel like my daughters hope. I feel like some things are a joke.

I feel like people are waiting for me to fold. I feel like I’ll reach my goals. I feel like He created me to be free. I feel like keeping it real with me. I feel like being all alone. I feel like I’m searching for a home. I feel like the best is yet to come. I feel like my mind continues to run. I feel like I will win in the end. I feel like what’s the use of friends.

I feel like I have struggled far too long. I feel like I’m my happy home. I feel like racing for the win. I feel like I just can’t pretend. I feel like love doesn’t live here. I feel like facing my greatest fear. I feel like I have come so far. I feel like loving me one on one.

I feel like what the hell is this. I feel like I’m my own big sis. I feel like I’m tired of making this work. I feel like the world is going insane. I feel like we need to call His Name.

Trina