How One Word Helped Me Become a Calmer Parent

I used to think I needed control to feel sane.

Control over my time. Control over my space. Control over my plans.

Then I became a dad.

And everything I thought I could manage — suddenly laughed in my face.

The Breakdown That Brought the Word to Life

It didn’t happen in some big, dramatic meltdown. It was quieter than that.

It was in the middle of one of those regular nights — the kind where the baby’s crying, dinner’s cold, and my wife and I are both exhausted but pretending we’re fine. We weren’t.

We both reached that point where everything felt like too much. We were snapping at each other over tiny things, frustrated not just at the moment — but at how little control we had over anything anymore.

That's when it hit me.

That’s the word.

Control.

Or more specifically — the lack of it.

The Moment I Let It Go

In that moment, I didn’t “solve” anything. I just paused.

And I told myself:

“You can’t control this. But you can control how you respond.”

It sounds simple. But it was the most grounding thing I’d said to myself in months.

It became a self-reminder.

Something I silently repeated whenever frustration started boiling.

I started catching myself.

Before I snapped. Before I spiraled. Before I tried to force my will on things I couldn’t manage.

What Parenting Looked Like Before

Before that word entered my vocabulary, parenting felt like playing whack-a-mole with my emotions.

I was quick to react.

Quick to feel like a failure when Elio cried and I didn’t know why.

Quick to feel helpless when April and I couldn’t agree on what to do next.

We thought we could plan everything.

Schedule nap times. Strategize feeds. Optimize sleep.

As if parenting was a puzzle we could solve with Google and effort.

But nothing — nothing — went the way we expected.

And the harder we tried to control it, the more frustrated we became.

What Changed After

Once I embraced the reality that control was the wrong goal — everything got lighter.

We laughed more.

We joked about our sleep deprivation.

We found humour in the chaos.

Instead of fighting it, we started to flow with it.

Don’t get me wrong — we still plan. We still try.

But we know now: plans are just suggestions to the universe.

And the universe rarely takes them.

We began focusing on what we can control:

• Our tone.
• Our mindset.
• Our reactions.

Even that small shift made us feel powerful again.

What I Want New Parents to Know

If I could sit down with every new parent on the edge of burnout, I’d say this:

Let go of control. Seriously. Just let it go.

Plan if it helps. But don’t expect it to play out like a checklist.

Babies aren’t projects.

Marriage under stress isn’t a machine.

And your mental health isn’t a product of perfect execution.

It’s about flexibility.

And humour.

And choosing to pause — again and again — before the frustration wins.

You don’t need to be perfect.

You don’t need to fix everything.

You just need to be present — even in the mess.

Because in that mess, you’ll find your strength.

Not in control — but in how you let it go.