He smothered my heart in smoke

I was only about 10 when i had met him, and all he did was ruffle my feathers and taunt me for my looks. I've always been an easy target for bullies or antagonists of my school because I was always, short, scrawny, and timid. And every time he saw me he'd point out one of these very things. He was the first actual bully i had ever dealt with in my entire life. Most kids would just say a mean thing or two and go on about their business. But he was different, more consistent, and aggravating. It was as if he lived his entire life to patronize me because he enjoyed my many reactions. On some days i'd cry, on some days i'd sulk, and on rare occasions i'd get angry. Like the time he threw wood chips in my hair, or when he pulled at my puffballs until my scalp was sore. Luckily after the 4th grade year was over, i never saw him again. Well for about 3 years, he was gone without a trace. He'd cross my mind from time to time, but he'd leave it as soon as he entered. At the time his existence held no meaning to me. I didn't know whether he was dead or alive, but that never really mattered to me to be quite frank.

Fast forward to my 8th grade year, it was around march and spring break was approaching rapidly. During this period in my life, i didn't really have many friends, though that decision was by choice. I was just looking forward to being able to evade my assignments for about a week or two. I remember exactly where i was sitting when a message popped up and blared from my bright screen. It was a request from a familiar name on Instagram, i was hesitant but i decided i'd see what was up. It was the same boy who had taunted me since i was a mere child, he messaged me and his tone seemed quite different. "Sup, remember me?" The familiar stranger asked, i just giggled a bit and replied with, "Oh, the guy who used to torture me in elementary. Nice." This clearly took him a back and he took a moment to reply. "Oh, quite mean aren't you?" He replied back, he still seemed like he liked to tease but i was no longer scared of him, his words or his empty threats. "Look, if you messaged me to irritate me, get out of my face. I'm not as weak minded as i used to be," i replied in annoyance. I put my phone face down after i sent that message, hoping he'd just go away and stop trying to break me again. I was finally healed and i never wanted to feel that way again. Though to my shock, i got a notification from him once again. I hesitated at first, but decided to see what he had to say. "I see that now. I like that about you, though i'll definitely have less fun, now that you like to bite back lol." Is what he said to me, and it honestly took me a back. After a bit more back and forth, i had decided i wouldn't mind having a little banter buddy since he treated me as an equal and not as a pest. Eventually a day turned into two, and a week turned into three. Over such a short amount of time i had began to realize we had a lot more in common than i thought we did. And i began to realize that he was just a very misunderstood guy who lacked communication skills. Eventually we had come so far in our friendship that i'd be the one he'd run to when he was having girlfriend problems or when he just needed to vent to me about things he could never tell anyone else. We continued this friendship for about two years and even stayed up until the early morning talking and playing video games. He'd even put his relationships on hold to talk with me for just a little bit. I'd be lying if i said i wasn't flattered by his actions, words, or kindness. He was usually very rude and abrupt with everyone else, i had heard it with my own ears on many occasions. But he never raised his voice at me even once, no matter how many times i blocked him or shouted at him. He'd always accept me and my feelings because he said, "Even angels get angry." And i believed him.

After about another year of our friendship, i was laying in my bedroom staring blankly at the ceiling when he gave me a call. I jumped up as the noise had startled me, but i didn't hesitate to answer. He sounded sleepy like the idea had awoken him, "You busy tomorrow?" He asked me. "Nah, i'm free, why?" I replied. He giggled a bit and took a second longer than usual to answer me. "Well, i'm in your neck of the woods. And i just wanted you to come and see lil 'ole me for a little while," he groaned. "Come and see you? This is new, what? Did your little girlfriend break up with you again? I'm not playing rebound for you. Sorry," I said sternly. But he immediately said, "No, I don't see you like that. Rebounds are chicks you don't care about. Now shut up and come and see your boy would ya?" I chuckled and rolled my eyes at his comment, "fine," i huffed. "I'll come and hang for a bit." I could immediately hear the excitement in his reply as he said, "Nice! i'll text you my address." I laughed at his excitement and we said our goodbyes.

It was officially Friday, and I was getting ready to go see him. I was still completely oblivious to why exactly he wanted to see me, but getting to see him after so many years just added to the mystery. As I sat in my car wearing my baggy tee and shorts, I suddenly became self conscious of my appearance. “That’s unusual,” I muttered to myself, but I brushed off the unusual feelings and went on my way to his home. When I arrived, I pulled into a parking spot and sent him a text notifying him of my arrival. After about five minutes, I notice a tall boy in all black jogging quickly to my car. He gets closer and taps on the hood of the car, signaling for me to get out. I did as he asked and was immediately greeted with a tight hug. He was taller than me, so this hug almost made my feet dangle from the ground. His scent immediately filled my nostrils as he plopped me back onto the ground like a child. He smelled of cologne, and marijuana, and the aroma was almost strong enough to make me collapse. I just stood there quietly while not knowing what to say next. He noticed my unsure demeanor, and he gently jabbed me in the shoulder. “Why so shy? How things been with you short stuff?”He teased as he smirked at me softly. I took a moment to analyze him. He looked way different than usual. He had locs now, that covered his pretty melanin face, he was about 5’10, and he stood like he owned the block. You know, I never really even noticed how pretty he was in the face. He had pretty lips, and his caramel complexion was soft and delicate. “Undressing me with your eyes I see,” he snickered, interrupting my train of thought. I just pushed him and giggled, “Shut up, idiot. I was looking at how tall you’ve gotten,” I said back. He just laughed and we continued to playfully bicker the entire night. We walked the forest talking about conspiracy theories, life after death, and reminiscing on the time we once hated each other. I didn’t go home until 12 that night. And I don’t regret it. I actually had fun, and was disappointed when he said he had to go. So we waved and he gave me a warm smile before he disappeared into the halls of his apartment building. I remember going home and I sitting on the end of my bed, constantly replaying our night in my head. Even his scent was glued to my jacket, and I couldn’t seem to get rid of it. I actually had fun tonight, but I had to snap back into reality. I had a tendency to form attachments to people who even decided to give me the slightest bit of attention or genuine affection. But I would not fall victim to this curse once again. He’s my friend, and I needed to stop looking at him like he was a piece of meat. “Get a grip,” I mumbled to myself before tossing my phone off of my bed and falling asleep. But as the moring had arrived, the birds were outside humming sweet songs to the sun. I awoke very groggy and my head hurt slightly. I remember waking up and frantically searching for my phone, forgetting I had tossed it last night. Once I managed to find my phone, a message had been left on the bright, blinding screen. “I had fun…lemme know if you’re available next Friday, loser.” I read the words in shock and disbelief, as I felt my heart almost skip a beat.

-To be continued.