Hard Choices

“Okay guys, let's get to it! “

I rolled my eyes at my manager's comment. It’s eight in the morning. He needs to find some kind of chill. I was up listening to my friend complain about how hard it was to be single all night and I was exhausted. Like most days here in the office I was ready to go home.

I logged into my computer and started to work on my assignments.

“ Hi, do you know where the bathroom is? This place is huge.”

I looked up and my eyes lit up with excitement. She looked so beautiful. Her smile was so contagious.

“Uh, yeah just walk down the stairs and make a right.” I said batting my eyelashes and pulling on my clothes.

“ Okay thanks. My name is Dasia by the way” She said. I was glad she spoke to me because I could stare at that lovely smile all day. Her dimples poked out of her adorable cheeks. Her skin was a lovely mocha complexion. She was my height with short hair. Stumpy with a nice shape. She smelled amazing like a fresh honey shower.

“ It's nice to meet you Dasia, let me know if you need any help!” I said. I flipped my hair and shot her a smile.

“ Okay thank you I’ll see you around,” She replied. She was so cute, oh my god! I thought.

I looked down at my phone and read Hazel's text message. I rolled my eyes. She still didn't get the hint. My friend Samantha told me that Hazel was hanging around other girls and I really didn't want that kind of drama in my life. We had been together for three years and I was over the disrespect. I put my phone under my desk and thought about how attractive Dasia was.

During my lunch break I sat in the work cafeteria and talked to my favorite coworker, Samantha. I was shocked to hear she had seen Dasia earlier and thought she was very pretty and wanted to get to know her more.

“ I am happy to finally have someone that I like.” Samantha said. She was smiling hard. Ugh. I was lowkey jealous. I thought that me and Dasia would be able to make a connection but now I was unsure. Samantha already seemed to have claimed her.

“ How are you and Hazel?” She asked me.

“ I still don't want to talk to her, I can't believe she thought that would be okay” I said.

We talked about them for a few minutes when Dasia walked into the cafeteria. She did a slight hair flip and glanced our way. Her dimples instantly appeared. I was stunned.

Samantha began fangirling and ranting about her beauty when she started walking our way with Angel, another girl at the office. My face lit up with jealousy. I hoped that wasn't her girlfriend.

They sat down at our table and began to talk to us.

“ Hey guys, this is my cousin Dasia”. Angel said. I let out a sigh of relief.

“ Oh okay both of you do kind of look alike” I said.

“ Yeah, definitely '' Samantha said, she didn't take her eyes off Dasia for a second. Ugh.

We talked about work until lunch was over. Samantha pulled Dasia to the side and they went off alone. I was fuming. I went to my desk and tried my hardest to be happy for my friend and her potential boo.

Over time Samantha and Dasia began hanging and flirting a lot. I went back to my ex and tried to make things work. Hazel and I were doing okay but I still couldn't deny that I had feelings for Dasia. I wanted to be happy for my friend so I suppressed my feelings for Dasia. All four of us became good friends and hung out a lot. Until one odd night when things changed.

I went to Samantha’s house and all of us and a couple of other coworkers hung out. We smoked a little doja, drank some cheap alcohol, and chilled.

I was laying on the couch and playing on my phone when Dasia laid down very close to me. Hey body was slightly on mine. I was shocked. I could have moved... but I really didn’t want to. I felt a rush of happiness seep through. I looked around and noticed that Hazel wasn't paying attention. Everyone else was either dazed or lost in their own conversations. The loud music filled the room and hid the sound of my heart pulsating. I looked at Dasia and she was mindlessly on her phone. Acting as if half of her body wasn't leaning on me.

My face flushed with heat. Hazel was playing video games and Samantha had gone to the bathroom. After a couple of seconds Dasia pressed herself closer to me. My eyes widened with a slight smirk.

“ You comfy?’ I asked her jokingly, I was trying my hardest to hide my enjoyment.

“ Yeah, I’m okay, how about you?” She asked with a smirk as well.

Was she flirting with me? I thought to myself. I let out a flirty chuckle. Hazel looked over at us annoyed. Samantha walked out of the bathroom and had a shocked look on her face. I quickly broke the short stare we shared. I shot my eyes back to Dasia and got lost in her beauty. Samantha walked over and sat on the other side of Dasia. Awkward was an understatement. I got up and moved over to Hazel. I placed my hand on her lap and tried to ignore the interaction. I was too drunk to fully process those few moments and I had no idea what to do.

To my dismay when I looked up, Dasia walked her way from Samantha and sat next to me! She laid her head on my lap and got back on her phone. At this point I was sweating. I completely froze. It took everything in me to not let my smile take over my face. I looked at her and she was lost in her phone. Her head looked so cute laying softly on my thigh. Everything in me did not want her to move. I was beside my on and off girlfriend so it was a little bit weird. Samantha got up and went to her bedroom and slammed the door. Hazel finally looked down at Dasia and let out a scoff. She didn't say anything to her. I was shocked because most girlfriends would be mad. I'm glad she didn't say anything. It definitely would not have ended well.

Once the shock slightly wore off, I walked into Samantha’s room and attempted to comfort her.

“ Are you okay”? I asked her. I looked at her with a sad expression and took a seat on the bed.

“ Of course not, she was all up on you”. She said angrily.

“ No, she likes you! I don't know what that was about”. I said.

She was drunk so she slightly snapped at me while I continuously reassured her of Dasia's feelings for her. It was like talking to a wall. Samantha must have been loud because Dasia walked in. We both stared at her. She avoided eye contact with me and hugged Samantha. They laid down in the bed together and she held her.

I wasn't sure how I felt about that. It was odd for her to be going back and forth. Then again was that even a I like you type of sign. I was so confused.

After sitting there looking like an idiot for a minute, I hoped up and went home.

I was sure she liked me. I mean why else do you do that? Was she trying to make Samantha jealous? My mind was running and I had no answers. I wanted to explore whatever that was so when I went to work the next day I got Dasia’s number and asked her out to lunch as friends...

I got dressed up, put on some makeup, did my hair and I picked her up. We went to a local restaurant and talked about ourselves. She was definitely flirting with me. She would brush up against me and find any reason to touch me. I was all smiles. I didn't ask her anything about Samantha. I was so lost in how funny and beautiful she was. Her personality was just amazing. I could listen to her talk all day. I was upset when she told me she had to go to work soon. I enjoyed every second with her. I even enjoyed the butterflies I got before I pulled up to her house.

Me and Hazel hung out every now and then but we only argued. I no longer wanted her around especially when all I could think about was Dasia. Hazel still wanted to make things work but I wanted Dasia. I tried to let her know I wanted to move on but with mutual friends it was like she was always there. I think a part of me still wasn't ready to let Hazel go. Especially since I wasn't sure about Dasia’s feelings for me.

Me and Dasia still hung out. We spent a lot of time talking and laughing. We didn’t tell anybody about our alone time together. It was a nice secret for only me and her. We would grab food and chill at each other's homes. It was only friendly behavior until one day I couldn’t help myself.

We were laying on my couch Netflix and chilling. It was relaxing and I felt happy with her. We were vibing and talking. When she let out a wide laugh her dimples made her round face sparkle up. I looked into her eyes and asked her.

“ Can I kiss you?”

She looked at me with shock. I was so nervous that she would say no. Every second those almond eyes stared at me felt like heaven.

“ Yeah, kiss me” She said. She smiled at me as I leaned in and pressed my lips gently against hers. Once we began kissing neither one of us could pull away. Her lips were smooth and her hair smelled like coconut shampoo. I did not want to break away from our embrace. We continued to get to know new areas of each other. When she left we acted as if nothing had happened. I couldn't even hide my smile.

I didn’t feel bad I thought to myself when Samantha crossed my mind. Maybe they weren't serious. Maybe they broke up or something. I mean were they even dating? After a few hours I went to go hang out with Samantha and Hazel. We went out to eat and my guilt was trying to pour out onto the table. She talked about Dasia the whole night. I had to completely shut off all feelings. Not one ounce of me wanted to tell her. I knew that she would hate me. I barely made friends and even though we weren’t close or at least that’s what I told myself, I still felt like I was wrong.

Over the summer, Dasia and I continued to hang out. We would Netflix and chill, go to concerts, and sit on the phone for hours. We would laugh and I enjoyed every second I got to spend with her. I looked forward to the weekend just because I got to see her without Samantha. I would occasionally ask about their relationship and she would say they are friends. When I spoke to Samantha she would gush about how good she and Dasia was. I would listen and try not to let it bother me because I felt that Dasia wanted to be with me.

Me and Dasia kept our relationship lowkey for a while. Dasia and I would text a lot and sometimes Dasia would flirt right in front of our friends. Samantha and Hazel sometimes got suspicious but we would deny it. As far as I knew things were amazing between us. Until Dasia began to act differently. I enjoyed the thrill she gave me but after a while I felt she was not interested in me. We were chilling at my house when I walked over to her and she locked her phone and shoved it in her pocket. I gave her a strange look and asked her about Samantha. She kissed me and brushed off the subject. I got even more worried when she would rush me off the phone and rarely text me back.

One day, I noticed that Samantha and Dasia were both off of work. My mind raced with thoughts of how they could be hanging out and cuddling. I had not really talked to Samantha a lot over the summer and I knew Dasia would either not reply or lie to me. I decided the best decision was to pull up. Hazel and I drove to Samantha's house and walked in. I was shocked to see Dasia and Samantha laying down on the couch. Samantha’s head nestled into Dasia’s chest.

I tried my hardest not to snap. Samantha jumped up and was happy to see me, meanwhile Dasia was looking at her phone to avoid eye contact. The first opportunity me and Dasia were alone I snapped at her.

“ What are you doing here”

“ I'm chilling with Samantha “ She said with a blank expression.

“ So you are dating Samantha?” I asked her with an attitude.

“ No, we are just chilling” She said. She let a smirk and her dimples popped out. I couldn't help but melt. I tried to shake my feelings.

“Yeah right, you and Samantha must be sleeping together” I said.

“ Well, its not like I'm with either one of you” She said.

I looked at her dumbfounded. She really had the audacity. I was in disbelief. I got up and left.

I went home and cried until I couldn’t. I really liked Dasia, she seemed so perfect to me. I was shocked that she treated me that way. Yes, we didn’t say we were exclusive but to still continue to mess with both of us is just wrong I thought to myself. I went to bed feeling angry and upset.

Dasia told them. She had the audacity to drop the bomb.

I thought my life couldn't get worse when I woke up to 20 angry messages from Hazel and Samantha. When I opened Samantha’s text message I felt a wave of sadness flood through my body. Our messages were filled with her telling me how much I hurt her. How messed up that was and how I could do her like that. I felt like a terrible person. I can't lie, I did her wrong. I decided that what I wanted was more important than our friendship and she let me know that. Hazel on the other hand was pissed. She felt like I betrayed her. Which I did. It took months to gain redemption and I don't think I ever did.

After a couple of months, Dasia left. She came, conquered, and left. She moved across the country. I told myself this was for the best. Seeing Dasia and Samantha together at work was hard. I cut Dasia off and stopped speaking to her. Samantha and her on the other hand would mess around and would talk all day at work. Samantha disregarded me for the most part. I was not too upset because I knew that trust was broken. I still miss her and the friendship we had. Hazel forgave me and we tried to make our relationship work but we broke up. I focused on loving myself and pursing my writing passion.

Even though what I did was awful, I learned a lot from that situation. I learned how to let people go, how to move on, and how to be a better friend.

I am going to continue to go after what I want, but I will try not to hurt other people in the process.