First Day

High school is made of embarrassing moments. Well, at least it is if you are anything like me. I thought I knew about luck but I had no idea. Now that I think about it, I'm still unlucky I just try to cope with each embarrassing moment and learn to laugh at myself. As a teenager ... This was not the case.

The first year of high school is the hardest. I thought that I would be able to get through my ninth-grade year mindlessly but my anxiety was just starting to grab me by the neck every time I tried to be my best self. This wasn’t the first time, but it began to suffocate me and decrease my interactions.

On the first day of ninth grade, my mom unlocked the car door, and my sister and I walked out of the car. We were already feeling nervous since we missed orientation, therefore this was going to be the first time we ever saw the school. We did not have our schedules and were forced to find our classes within 20 minutes. To this day those were the shortest twenty minutes of my life. It was a mess. We rushed to the board when we were stopped by an old high school board.

“ Hi Jonae & Monica,” She said.

My sister and I shifted closer together and looked at her.

“ Hi” we replied and looked at her with disinterest.

“Oh wow aren't those the same shirts from middle school?” She said looking at our lame matching shirts. (Don't judge us we were fifteen)!

“ Yes,” I replied, oblivious to the obvious jab she threw our way.

“ Okay, I'll see you all around, “ she said.

Monica let out a sign and looked at the board. We searched the board to find our classes.

“ Will you walk me to class?” Monica said.

“ Of course, I said”.

Once we got to her class she began to walk into her room.

“ Wait,” I said annoyed, “ Aren't you gonna walk to class?” I said looking furious.

“ No, I'm already here,” She said, not even looking back at me.

I let out a loud sigh as I was very confused and I had no idea where this gym class was.

I began to walk faster and ask people if they knew where the class was. I knew I looked ridiculous. I still cringe at the memory.

Once I found the class, I was late. I walked into a gym where all the students were sitting on the bleachers. It kicked in that my first class was going to be Gym. Sweaty gym...running in the morning… my hair and sweat was all that ran through my mind. I then got self-conscious of the fact that everyone was looking at me including the teacher.

I walked towards him and told him my name. He looked down at me annoyed and pointed toward his section.

I have never felt so anxious in my life. The sweat under my armpits began to increase. I pulled my jacket out of my bag and covered the building-up sweat. I looked at the class and instantly felt left out. They were already talking... How did they already have friends, it's the first day!

Once I sat down, My stomach started feeling like a thousand butterflies were floating around. Once the teacher took attendance I went to the bathroom. I was mortified to pull down my pants and see nothing but a red mess everywhere! My heart began to race and the panic feeling quickly surfaced.

I grabbed my backpack and checked behind endless books and papers for the only thing that could save me. I dumped everything onto the floor twice and found nothing. I dropped to the floor and facepalmed. By now it had already been 5 minutes. I pulled my jacket off and decided that this jacket today will save me. When I went back to class the gym teacher gave me a stern look. I was grateful that was all.

I awkwardly planted myself on the bleachers away from most of the students mentally panicking.

That's when Jenna sat down beside me and looked at me with kind eyes.

“ Hi,” I said, happy to see that someone there didn't already have a group of friends.

“Hi” she replied. She looked at me with a smile. She's so pretty, was my first thought. We began to talk and introduce ourselves.

Once the teacher began walking us towards the class, I pulled my new friend to the side.

“ Do you have a tampon”? I whispered pulling her closer to me.

“ Of course,” She said sliding it into my bookbag. I was so happy to at least not be a mess after this class. Sadly, I still had to wear my jacket and my family did not have a lot of money so It did not look appealing.

I was nervous to go to my next class but I was excited to get it over with. The rest of the day went a little bit better until I got to lunch.

I grabbed my lunch and sat at the table alone. This has to be one of the worst moments as a teenager. Looking around at everyone talking, laughing, and having fun. I Instantly felt left out. I tried to keep my gaze on my food to not seem like a lonely loser.

Then suddenly, three girls sat down next to me. I glared at them as they stared at my outfit and chuckled. The panic feeling kicked in again. I scooted over to give them room to sit but they stared at me with annoyance.

I glared at them and the tallest girl said. “ You're ugly”

The rest of the girls laughed louder than before and sat down further away from me on the table. I was no longer hungry.

I got up quickly and threw my trash away, grabbed my bags, and left the loud overbearing cafeteria. Once I closed the doors I felt the relief of silence. I walked my way towards the bathroom when I noticed that I had forgotten my jacket. When I looked in the mirror I saw a slight red spot on the backside of my jeans. I ran into the bathroom and cried. I cried hard, I tried to muffle my tears in my shirt but someone must have heard me because they knocked lightly on the door.

I was surprised to see Jenna’s kind face. She had seen me leave the cafeteria and grabbed my jacket. She sat with me in the stall and comforted me. People walking into the bathroom thought we were weird but I was glad to have someone there for me.

After the lunch bell rang, Jenna walked me to the next class. The rest of the day was normal. I floated into the background of each class until I was able to survive the rest of the day. My sister met me at the carpool lane and we talked about our day and waited for our Mom.

I was so happy to hop in the shower and rinse off the struggles of the day. I thought about how nice it was to meet someone and I hoped that the next day would be better.

High school is only fun for a lucky few. Whether you decide to focus on getting the best grades or having a lot of friends, it's not easy. Especially battling growing pains and trying to be yourself around other insecure teenagers. It was very tough, but overall I am grateful for each experience.