Flower Child

Dear Mom,

Happy Mother’s Day! Though I am all grown up, I will always be your sweet little girl. With a touch of sugar, sass, spice, and a dash of my favorite Schitt’s Creek character, Alexis Rose. I am the luckiest to have you as my mother, and forever grateful to you for being so understanding of my rebellious ways. I didn’t leave you with much choice to be anything but, as I decided a long time ago that you would be my very best friend, as well as my mother. Meaning, eventually, I must share everything with you that happens in my life. [Whether you like it or not, or want to hear it or not. And that you must love me for me, as that’s what mothers do best! Muahaha! (Evil laugh)]!

Including sharing with you who my lovers have been over the years, and how much I enjoy sex as a young, indepedent woman. I know we were never one to talk about sex until I left for college to study theatre and performance, and decided I was liberated, and tired of living life with any further Irish, Italian Catholic guilt! I’ve always been one to tear down the walls of shame and taboo in our household and family, and took it upon myself as a Generation “Y” Millennial, woman, and daughter to question society's expectations, and limitations, and to break down the barrier between what the world expects of me, and how I choose to live in it.

Since I’m turning thirty this year, I thought I’d reveal a secret that I’ve been hesitant to share, as I know your feelings about exploring with drugs of any kind: you’re not for it. Except weed, as that ship sailed for me a long time ago, and you’ve come to accept my hippie ways– and I know I’ve gotten about this close to convincing you to jump on that particular pirate ship. Arrrrr! Will you ever try it matey?! I suspect not, until you’re a very little old lady who just doesn’t give a rats ass anymore, and then I can roll you a joint, or give you an edible, and film what happens, because that’s going to be fucking hilarious one day. Hey, a daughter can dream!

Now, before you get your panties in a twist, I shall preface this story with the knowledge that I, Kate, was one-hundred percent safe, with friends of mine whom you know– and that it was on that trip I went to for my dear friend, Sean’s, fortieth birthday in Joshua Tree last year, where I took hallucinogenic mushrooms for the first time, ever! THERE! I said it! The cat is out of the bag. I took shrooms Mom– truth will out!!! We quite literally tripped the entire time we were celebrating together, and to be quite honest, not much happened. It was very tame for me. In fact, it mostly just made me giggle for the entirety of the trip until my stomach hurt, as if I turned into a little kid again laughing at any ridiculously random thing! There was truly an abundance of joy to be had though.

Now, I know everyone has unique and individual experiences, but for me, being the cautious cat– whom you raised– turned feral over the years, I decided to take it easy, and started out small. Here’s how it went for me… Everything was funny, everything was beautiful, and the colors of this earth popped like no other. My brain slowed way down, and forgot about anything and everything that could be or feel like a negative thought. I smiled the entire time until my cheeks actually felt sore, and literally nothing could get me down. At one point, Sean and I decided to go outside and lay in a hammock for three hours casually chatting about the sky, until we just started kissing for pure enjoyment. Don’t ask me if I’m into him, because I’m not– at least, not in that way– it just felt right! We had a moment, a birthday make-out, and that was my gift, I guess! The day felt like the epitome of taking in a moment, and appreciating it. Except that moment lasted for over five hours. Time also slips completely away to the degree where you can’t believe it’s still not morning at nine o’clock at night!

I’m not trying to torture you with this experience from my life, on the contrary, I thought it might be educational to share that even though recreational drugs are socially frowned upon, it mostly reminded me of a more mellow and giggly form of weed! Go ahead, you can shake your head and say, “you’re such a hippie, Kate” as often as you like. I know, I agree– I should’ve grown up in the sixties like you– I would’ve fit right in! Though, unlike you, I would’ve gone to Woodstock, and become a groupie for some famous rock band. If that had been the case, I wonder if we would’ve been friends. I hope so, because knowing you as my mother, and imagining you growing up in the sixties, I would’ve needed such a caring, loving, thoughtful friend like you. As it turned out, I’m the lucky one who got to have you as a mother. Sure, you may be a little less naughty compared to me, but not so much, or– where do you think I got it from?! I’ve heard some of your own stories, Mother, and let me tell you, I love it when you share them, because it gives me a glimpse into your past, who you were while growing up, and how you became the incredible woman and mother you are today.

The one thing I wish I could do is watch the movie of your life up until this very moment. To watch your life like a film from when you were a little girl laughing your head off in roller skates around Grandma’s neighborhood, to going to high school and discovering boys, and then off to college at USC in the eighties– where you met Dad, fell in love, and eventually had me. You’ve lived many lives and versions of yourself transforming and blossoming into the gorgeous butterfly I know you to be. I can only hope to bloom into half the woman you are, and one day become such an incredible, loving, and accepting mother such as yourself. Thank you for all you do for our family, and for loving me as your little flower child.

Love always, Kate