Feelings

My friend asked me recently what I thought about him. It is a hard question to answer. I feel there were so many things that happened. Being with him is kind of respite from most of the chaos that happens around me. I don't even know if it will be ok to go to my grandma's house. I don't want to say I am using you because I care about your wellbeing.. The world calls me, death is assured. I want to be happy too, and I do like the idea of not always being terrified of things. But I know you won't take me where I need to go.

Now that I am at my grandma's house, I feel really sluggish but, it isn't as traumatizing as I thought it would be. I just feel super dormant and even getting high feels like it isn't very effective. I will ask Drew to come get me if I can't handle it but right now it is ok. I don't want to rely on him too much. Perhaps I should focus on recording some videos and creating some scheduled posts. Unfortunately my charging cube is missing so I need to go back to my mom's house to get one.

I want to go back into the ether, but I need to figure out something. You can't just jump in willy nilly, otherwise you get lost in it.

Right now I am starting a GoFundMe for a little kitty I found in town. I want to cure it's glaucoma or whatever it has going on with it's eyes. I don't know. I need to finish my dailies before I can work on my Human tasks.

I ordered a 6 shot frap so, hopefully this will give me enough energy to get me going where ever I need to go today. I guess it is sort of like very free time for me right now so, I guess I can just organize my Human tasks, and schedules so, when I finally move, I can sort of hit the grown running.

I won't go overboard, I am just going to update the astrological calendar and finish the dailies. I guess it doesn't even matter if my grandma hears what I am doing since she no longer has context for things. I think that is what Alzheimer's is, information without context.

I am just going to wait until my phone is charged then head out. I am not sure what I should do but I just know.. well I don't think this house affects me at all, it is sort of like a net neutral place but, I need somewhere that gives me a positive.

I guess the positive of where I am is that time is moving differently. I have to use it to my advantage. I have a few option, either hermit in and do work, or go out and figure out what I need to do. Since I don't have a wall charger and charging from my computer, it is going to take a while to make that decision anyway.

I also forgot that I can't work in my workbook so, there are also some other things I am needing to work on.

I am guessing I just have to keep writing for right now. I don't see me going out or doing anything right now. I am sort of disappointed in the news I just read in my email but I guess an answer is better than not hearing anything.

I feel really bad I ate meat on Sunday. I don't even know how to repent for that. I mean in the future perhaps I will not spend any money on food and just fast to compensate for that greediness.