Facts Or Fantasy

As I into enter this new phase of life,my so called golden years; I feel a sense of loss. Gone are the days of my youth and the adventure filled evenings I spent in search of myself. I know who I am now and what I want. The trouble with knowing is that I am now less tolerant of certain things, so as a result there are not many surprises left and it reduces the overall number of potential mates. At least, that's how I see things from my perspective. I'm willing to admit that I may just be wrong and welcome any useful input on the subject, but first allow me to clarify something. I have known the burning touch of true passion and the soul wrenching loss of true love, and that's part of the problem. I believe that having experienced these things has caused me to disregard anything or anyone that does not and cannot ever measure up to these heights of expectations. I fully realize and admit that this is far from fair to any other man on the planet, but it also leaves me disadvantaged and very likely to spend the rest of my life alone and/or entertaining one lost cause after another. Having clarified this point now it seems a good time to add a little twist to things now, you see the universe has decided to grant me some semblance of happiness despite my dilemma and impossible standards, but it does not come without cost and the price is not mine alone to pay. I thought it impossible to ever meet another human that I would connect with so totally and so easily. It was instant and so unexpected that it felt like waking from a 20 year slumber, sort of felt like coming home after a long exhausting journey and it felt good to have that connection again. As time went on the friendship feelings grew into other desires and yet neither of us really pushed the issue, both for our own reasons and we both knew of the others hesitation to cross that line. Just as things usually go in these matters, the line was crossed and crossed again, it was like the heavens opened and swept me up in rolling waves of ecstasy as golden rays of warm sunlight bathed my body in an endless downpour of heat and ending in an explosion of a zillion little starbursts.

We spend everyday and night together and it just feels so natural that I sometimes forget the 7 year issue between us, until I am forced to face it on occasion. I'm very aware of right and wrong and trust me when I say, I've considered things from all sides, but is it really so awful to want to hold onto a little happiness after the past 20 years I've spent mostly alone and in mourning. A lot of things can happen in 7 years, up to and including my passing, I am 57 and a lifetime smoker so just being realistic here, but I think the universe is giving me a chance at happiness while serving a purpose for his life as well, and I believe we both are to learn something from this. The flip side of course is that I'm a complete moron if not a wack job living in a fantasy land and have no morality left in me as I selfishly take what I want from any unsuspecting man I choose to tempt. I will let you decide on the ending of this short little tale of love, loss, and loneliness.

While there are some choices in my past I would like to have the chance to remake, there's truly not any regrets in my life, because regretting any one thing would surely change the outcome and just for the record, I truly love and respect the woman I have grown into as each year taught me something more about life, love, humanity and myself so I wouldn't change a single second of it.