Confused life in Adult age

Everything in our life is confusing right!! from when we have just graduated, what to do where to go where to start our journey which path we have to take.

Its been a year i graduated, i felt like i had a strong understanding of what life is, suddenly im soo confused im preparing for govt exams everyone says its tough and my parents dont even want to support me in that if i have to explain me in a single word that would be "Kind" i dont know how i get this mentality i just wanna help people out there and want to run a charity but i think im too young for that and dont even know how to gather money so i just want to start my life in that path.

I was the one who choose it but in this path i feel like im throwing all my friends out and it feels okay too but the thing is am i doing this in a right way!! maybe yes when i told my friends im chosing this path someone supported me and cheered for me and someone just started doing backtalking i didnt like that, why should i be the one who always have to play a victim card so i cut them from my life and it feels good without them too after that in this path i found many friends who is cheering for me eventhough i didnt even see them in real life they r the one who stayed with me in my bad days "online friends".

It must be funny right we share the most of our feelings with ones who dont even know us in real life why!!? maybe its the feeling when we meet someone in real life they starts judging us by our looks by comparing what our views on one perticular thing so it will be nice if we have online friends they know our personality well then we meet, isn't that a best way to get new friends!! but lately i feel like im keeping away my goal by just spending time in social media i just cant stop it and i cant push my friends away again i cant run like that again i've to face it i've to explain myself to them that im lagging here but still i just left a tweet that im leaving and will be back after few days and everyone started worrying and i just turnned myself away and started my preparation again in fresh i know one day i've to explain to them why i had to leave i think they will forgive me since they know me well!!

Beside friends i always wanted someone to understand my desires who fights with me who care for me who can scold me when i do mistakes i always wanted a life partner maybe because i didnt get much love in my childhood i deserve i feels like everything around me is as lie my life, my relations everything even our happy family is a lie now i understand how much my mother have gone through i just wanted someone who can understand me whom i can share my feelings, my secrets eventhough ive best friends sometimes i feel regret after sharing something i always wanted someone to be with me sits with me and listen to all the silly things im gonna tell him but life isnt that easy right!!

Everyone i met till now is a lie no one cared about my feelings why i have to hurt myself for being in that type of relations still i hope one day ill find someone who listen to all my worries who fights with who plays with me who can control my moodswings now i just wanna focus on my career and build myself give myself identity who i am, i want him to feel proud of me.

Everyone says when they left their past behind they say that the old me is dead and this is the me who reborn. I dont think thats right i think if we reborn we tend to do those mistakes again i want to remember my past i want to remember my mistakes i want to learn from them so that i cant repeat those mistakes again if anything falls apart i want myself to stand right there and fight for the thing i want.

I used to be very depressed and confused about life untill one day i heard a wise man speech saying "Maybe yesterday i made a mistake but yesterday's me is still me" none other than Kim Namjoon from BTS his words woke me up realised i cant get hold of my past like that ive to move on he helped me to choose my path. Now i got clarity on myself how to move ahead with the will to get succeeded all i can say is Thank You.