Confused

How do you put being lost for words in a form of a thought? When does the questions become answers and your emotions become quite? Tell me the answer please cause I am tried of all the un answered questions that are in my head. I'm tried of the statements tried of the people tried of the system tired of other race downing us black people putting us in a box like we don't suppose to have a thought a mind of our own. I'm tried of the saying blacks are only good for being behind bars.

Do you know the question that is brewing in my head now? Well the question is this What is a true mother? can anyone tell me the answer to that question because you see I am a mother and the way I think down to the way I feel about my children other people don't see it that way and honestly I could care less about what they may think or say even though it hurts. Tell me how do you continue to motivate yourself when you have people that are related to you keep telling you that your not listening to your child that your only thinking of yourself and no one else. When you know deep down your doing all you can do cause you feel your not doing anything at all or doing enough. When your not sure on the answer to the question anyway. Oh yeah and answer this for me how do you motivate your child to be a better him or her when you feel you did not have that growing up yourself and so you have no idea how to answer some of the questions your child may have for you so that they could understand why you made the decisions you made in the beginning. Someone anyone what is the right way of being a parent a caregiver a kind caring person; someone anyone answer that for me.

I'm frustrated, confused and lost for words. All I want is my emotions and feelings to shut up and be quite. I'm tried of hearing my feelings because they are so loud I can't here myself think causing me to lash out on others that has not done nothing to me, causing me to want to throw something against the wall put my fist through anything you can think of. I find myself so annoyed that I have no choice but to go somewhere and scream shout yale. As you get older you look at yourself in the mirror and you say to yourself I ain't got time for that I'm getting up in age I'm maturing so I don't have time for all of the undecisive the not knowing what my position is in life in the situation in the present in that moment damn you look at yourself and you ponder you wonder am I doing everything right or everything wrong what can I do different. I'm a black woman just like the others what makes me so different what makes them different everyone's not perfect we have our flaws we make our mistakes and we try our damnness not to make the same mistake over again like a rerun movie that we've seen time and time again. These are the questions I asked myself day in Day out everyday that God gives me a breath to breathe and I lead to open motion in my body these are the questions I asked myself what are the questions you ask yourselves. It's okay to ask yourself questions that are unanswered that are hard to answer we are only black we are only the color of our skin so don't be ashamed to ask questions until you get the answer you're seeking