Confession time

Here is a list of things I don’t think I should say out loud to people. They would think I'm nuts!

Sometimes I think I should have been born in a different century, but then I remember the joys of indoor plumbing.

I sometimes hate myself.

I sometimes wish I was born into a different family

I like you. A lot. I don't just want you as a friend.

I wish I hadn’t told you that.

I wish my dad loved me.

I hope I am not destined to be forever single and be a cat lady. Although cats are great.

I have a weird obsession with grass. The smell, the look, the feel. What’s not to love?

Can you please stop being so loud?

Who invented alarm clocks? I wish they weren’t necessary.

I am obsessed with mermaids. I know they aren’t real but I’d love to be one.

I wish I hadn’t gone to public school.

I am an amazing singer. But I’ll never admit it.

I have a love-hate relationship with my car. And scary movies. And singing in front of people.

I want to learn the cello.

Sometimes I think about what it would be like to die. Sometimes I want to die.

I have this irrational fear that only a few people know about. If you know, you know. Just know I will NEVER go to Egypt.

I wish I could just eat a meal without spilling something. Or walk without tripping. Or chew gum without biting my tongue/cheeks.

I sometimes think, why can’t you just be normal? But then I remember the amazing people I am friends with, and I just couldn’t be if I was normal.

I have this fear that no one actually likes me and they just tolerate me.

I hate my toes. They are weird.

I sometimes think I am too dumb to be a teacher.

Beyonce is overrated.

I hate going to bed later than 10.

I love Saturn. I wish Pluto was still a planet.

I sometimes wonder why I was created.

I think some people would be better off without me in their lives.

I want to be with you. All the time. I hate it! But I sort of love it.

Can humans just not treat each other like garbage? Thanks.

What is the deal with stairs? Why can’t we just have elevators everywhere? It would make life way easier. Until the elevator cable snaps. Uh. Nevermind.

I want kids. Really bad. If I don’t have some soon, I may just go buy one. Um, I mean adopt….

Tina Belcher is my spirit animal. Also Esrah Menil. Also Ron Weasley.

Why do scary movies exist? Why do people pay money to get scared? But here, take my money…

People who just bite into Kit-Kats without breaking it are monsters. We have rules in society for a reason people!

Mo money mo problems. I do not know these problems.

I hate phone calls. Please text me!

My goal in life is to be lifted in the air one time, dirty dancing style. I know I know, that may never happen. A girl can dream, right?

Can I be a Queen? I’d also settle for meeting the Queen. If you know her hit me up.

Why can’t I bake? I follow all the directions and still end up with a literal piece of garbage. But I can cook. I do not get it.

I have a problem with leaving my water bottle everywhere. Shout out to the real MVP Sarah Ross for always getting it for me. Without her, I’d die! (of dehydration).

Can it be Autumn all year round? Also, why do we call it Fall and not Autumn like the rest of the world?

Why can’t America just do the right thing and switch to the metric system already?

I think I could love you someday.

I cannot get you out of my head.

Why do people do stupid things? Like, get into a literal metal cage in the ocean to look at a shark. Or pay to get into a literal stranger’s car. That’s how you end up on Criminal Minds people.

When you lose weight, where does it go?

I love watching volleyball. I used to hate it because I couldn’t understand it. Now I kinda do. What I enjoy most is watching the server bounce the ball literally 100 times before serving it.

I say literally too much.

Don’t tell Jon, but he is right, I am very overdramatic.

Chocolate milk is the literal best invention. Also indoor plumbing. Also books. Also chickey nuggies. Also Chic-fil-A. Also, I have so many more things that I think are the best.

I have never told someone as many things as I have told Mason. He could write a book! But please don’t.

Why is there not corn in Veggie Tales? And why is there a blueberry, pretty sure that’s a fruit, guys. But Bob the tomato may also be a fruit? I’m confused.

Can we please have a live-action remake of Brave? Disney, looking at you!

I want to try my hand at acting. I think I am dramatic enough. Guess we’ll never know.

Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. That is all.

How many dogs is too many dogs? Asking for a friend. Her name may or may not be Kaytlynn.

Is 23 too old to buy a coloring book?

Is jury duty even real? I don't think I have met a single person who has been. Or maybe they just haven't told me. The jury's out on this one guys.

Has Waldo been found yet? I feel like we have been looking for that guy forever.

Why is adulting so sucky? I think I'd like to not be one anymore. Who do I call for that?

I think my blue eyes are so boring. I think brown eyes are my favorite.

I wish I could wear sandals year-round. Not flip flops. Sandals. Or boots.

Apparently, I have a babyface. Someone once thought i was 13 when I was 21. Some people think I'm 17 now and I'm actually 23. The best part of this? I've been trick or treating with the kiddos for the last 5 years and no one says anything. Yay candy and costumes!

I told someone people are really big into fantasy football and that's just made up. When they asked me how, I was confused. It's right there in the name? Fantasy.

I think someone should invent tiny windshield wipers for your glasses.

Bugs are so disrespectful.

Apparently, I've been doing fist bumps wrong my entire life? I've actually been doing knuckle touches?

I put my shoes on like this: sock shoe, sock shoe. Is that weird? I heard an entire radio segment about how to do it the "right" way (sock sock, shoe shoe). Just let me live my life.

Since no one ever asks my favorite dinosaur anymore, I'll tell you: it's a pterodactyl.

Why can't adult shoes light up? I miss stomping on the ground for no apparent reason.

If you see me running ever you should probably run too because something is chasing me. But tbh do I really want to spend the last minutes of my life (if I'm being chased by a killer or a bear) doing something I hate? This should tell you that if you see me running you need to run too because I will not run unless I absolutely have to. And even then, probably not.

I danced on a table today for fun. No, I was not drunk. Yes, it was recorded. No, you can’t watch.

I love puns! But apparently, people think I am weird. I’m also super bad at them. I usually think of something better later.

I almost died on a bouncy house. I thought I was going to have to stay up there for the rest of my life.

My hair is so disrespectful.

One of the weirdest sentences I’ve said in my life was: “Do you think Madison has earned her teeth back yet?” Gotta love camp.

I wish I could stay at camp year-round. I bet it would be so pretty in the Autumn and Winter!

I don't think that it's fair that Mason knows mine and Sarah's irrational fears but we don't know his. He "claims" he doesn't even know them, but I don't know if I believe that.

I start listening to Christmas music by September at the latest. Don’t judge me!

Who even invented fun-size candy bars? Why is it more fun to eat less of a candy bar?

Baking competitions are so stressful to watch. On that note, my favorite one is The Great Brittish Baking Show. They are all so nice to each other! Except for that one lady, but she got disqualified so it’s okay.

I’d love to be a judge on a cooking or baking show and get paid to eat things all the time. But if there was something I didn’t like, they would be disqualified. For example: if it had onions I would think EW! And immediately disqualify them. This is probably why I am not a judge on one of those shows.

I love musicals. I'd actually love it if life was like one, and we just randomly burst into a song with a perfectly choreographed dance routine to go with.

I love to dance! I have rhythm, but I don't always look the best when I dance. I probably look like I'm trying to swat bugs. But I don't care because it is so fun!

Can we just take a moment to thank God that spiders can't fly?

Speaking of spiders, why did God think that we needed them? I mean what kind of animal needs 8 legs?! And creepy eyes? And that can shoot literal sticky string out of their butts?! Like I know people say they help keep bug populations down, but I still see plenty of bugs! And why did he make giant ones?! Like I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that Australia has spiders that will just chill on the sides of houses and take up the whole wall. That house and anything in it (including people) now belongs to the spider.

Octopuses apparently also needed 8 legs and to shoot a substance out of their butt. Why?

Australia is another country I'll never visit. Giant spiders, spiders floating from the sky, giant crocs, stingrays, weird lizards. If your name is not Steve Irwin you don't need to go there. Also, RIP Steve Irwin.

"Jon needs to stop telling me how to live my life". Me after he wouldn't let me sing Let it Go in youth group.

Why do swimming pools close after Labor Day? It's still literally 90 degrees out here!

Chocolate is my fave flavor.

Did anybody else ever try to figure out how many licks it took to get to the center of a Tootsie pop? I tried once. I can't remember how far I got, but the number is right there on the tip of my tongue! (okay even I know that one was awful) I never thought I'd become the owl, but really aren't we all the owl? We all lick and eventually bite. If you have actually licked all the way through let me know how many licks it took though.

Sarah may or may not have tried to talk me into ditching school to come watch a volleyball game. Maybe I should.

Why are kids always begging me for money to help fund their various activities? But yes I'd actually love to buy some cookie dough. Or pay 1 dollar per lap to watch you run 20 laps. Yes if I'm paying for that, I want to watch!

I'm so glad I have some kiddos at church that like me and invite me to their school events. If not, I'd probably just go to them anyway. And I'd go to random schools and pretend I knew someone. Is that weird? Good thing I'll never have to find out.

Sometimes I look at how much gas I have in my tank and wonder how far I could get. Would anyone miss me? Probably my boss since he wouldn't have anyone to do my job.

430 am is way too early. Every morning when my alarm clock goes off I rise from my bed like a literal swamp monster that has been sleeping for years and I climb out of bed like some sort of creature and wonder if it's worth it to call in. Then I take my monster hair and try to tame it. Most mornings I look like the human equivalent of garbage. Hair thrown up, bags the size of luggage under my eyes, no makeup (because why would I wake up even earlier?), and a look in my eyes that says don't even think about talking to me right now. I have decided that I may not be a morning person.

How many more days until summer? Asking for a friend.

I went to the Texas State Fair once and they were literally selling fried sticks of butter. Ew! Who would pay to eat that when the real MVP of state fairs are Turkey legs and funnel cakes?

We made it to 100! 100 thoughts. That's too many. My brain hurts. I hope you enjoyed the peek into the brain of Kaytlynn. I totally understand if you never wish to speak to me again. I know I'm weird!