Close your internet tabs

I’m that person that doesn’t close the tabs in their phone’s internet browser.

Man, can that really bite you on the arse and this story isn’t even about the time I nearly showed my mother a pretty, pink dildo I was planning on buying!

There has only been one time in my memory that I have been so embarrassed I started crying. Not just the normal, eyes-welled-and-one-drop-escaped kind of crying that normally comes with my strong emotions (it’s just rude how responsive you are, tear ducts of mine…), but full on, streaming-down-my-face, cannot-make-it-stop crying.

My boyfriend at the time was wetting himself laughing. Rude… again…

I don’t know what I felt the need to Google right at that second, but I had to. Except my phone was too far away and I was too lazy to move.

“Anth…” I nudged his knee with my toe from where we were lounging on his couch. We’d been together about 6 months and getting more and more comfortable with the other. “Can you grab my phone for me? I need to Google [inset whatever it was here].”

“Lazy arse,” he chuckled at me. He reached up to the kitchen bench by his left arm, furthest from where I was sitting. “Do you want it or just want me to do it?”

“Like you said, I’m lazy.” I smirked at him, “Go right ahead.”

He chuckled again, unlocking my phone after confirming the code.

“Holy shit, you have so many tabs open!” I think there was about 43…

“Yeah, I know. I just never know when I’ll need them again! Come to think of it actually, I never do so you can probably just close them all.”

“Clothes, books, shoes… you shop a lot.” He had yet to stop laughing at me as he swiped away the evidence of my internet travels.

“Fanfiction, such a dork… now what is this?”. Oh no. Anthony was far too elated for it to bode any kind of good for me. What had I left open?

“101 Conversation Starters for a First Date.”

I was speechless. My mouth opened and closed a few times, mimicking a fish rather spectacularly.

When we’d first started dating, I had been the picture of cool, calm confidence. At least as far as Anthony knew. I hadn’t dated in years, my last few relationships had been toxic at best and I had no idea how to act going in, just trying to keep my overwhelming anxiety at bay so as to not scare him off. It got so bad that we had a nasty fight early on as Anth didn’t think I was interested in a relationship with him at all. It took a litre of vodka between us and a lot of drunk confessions before we sorted that one out…

I remember our first date incredibly well. I was shitting bricks the entire week; I’d spent too many hours shopping for the perfect dress and shoes and all else to go with it and I had no clue how to even hold a conversation. I never did need to use those ‘Conversation Starter’ prompts in the end…

Anthony was staring at me on the couch, my phone still secure in his hand. The smile on his face was hungry, stretching from ear to ear. I don’t remember what his teasing actually comprised of, but the flush that had been creeping up my neck engulfed my entire face; my ears felt like they were being singed by a hair iron.

We get married in about 6 months now. It’s really one of his favourite stories, he told it to our family members the other day just to see if I would still blush; I did.