Childhood Part II

I was born in Kentucky. Even though I have lived various places, it will always be home. It has gorgeous scenery, and I feel peaceful here in Kentucky. I used to dream that I would one day live in New York City, but I see now that all I really need is here. I spent sixth grade until graduation in Southern Indiana. I guess you can say I am a Kentuckiana girl, and I wouldn't ever change that.

I had an ideal childhood, a great family, and I remember plenty of joy as a child. My Dad was a minister, and my mom stayed at home with us. She developed her career when we were older. She was later a state worker and a Director for the state Vocational Rehabilitation Program. My sister, brother, and I were always provided for, and though we didn't have much as far as material things, we felt rich! We didn't have a microwave or VCR for years after everyone else, but we didn't really care because my parents made our home such a refuge.

I was definitely a book worm growing up. My Kindergarten teacher said that she never really taught me to read. I just picked up a book and started to read. I could read for hours, and if I was really involved in a book would finish it in one sitting. I immersed myself in music and also tended to write down my thoughts in journals, stories, and poems. My sister and I spent hours playing outside, playing pretend, and we loved our Barbies. Our Barbies usually had many different hair cuts and styles. They also sometimes did gymnastics and went swimming. Let's just say some of them were "weathered".

My mom said she noticed I always tried to do things like save sick birds or hurt animals. When we lived in Ohio, our neighbor would shoot squirrels off the power lines. I would cheer the squirrels on to safety probably much to his disapproval. I always took everything to heart, and I couldn't stand to see others hurt.

My grandmother's death was extremely difficult for me. It occurred when I was in the sixth grade. I blamed myself for not taking better care of her when she visited us. She had fallen off our porch when I opened the door for her, a few weeks before she passed away. As a ten year old, I felt like I had contributed to her death. Mom had to explain to me that she fell because she was very weak and not well. I spent hours listening to her albums, and my grief turned to depression. It took me weeks to feel more like myself again. I was finally able to climb out of it with support, but it was a battle for me. I still struggled with guilt because I always wanted to help or save everything and everyone, but only God can do that.

Friends and family have told me over the years that I have always tried to, "make things better" or "help everyone ". The thing is when I tried to do this, it was only a temporary fix. It wasn't a permanent solution to the problem or situation. I kept trying so just like the Barbies, I started feeling, "weathered ". I had some lessons that I would learn the difficult way. Helping others and trying to save others is very different. There is a stark difference between being "kind" and being "nice".

All that I had to be is what I was created to be, but I didn't know that yet.