Bodyache

I was able to run some errands, I took some cans in got some money, I also put all my coins in the bank. It wasn't enough to pay for my phone bill but, I feel good that I was able to put some money in the bank. I actually finished all my tasks on Habitica too.

I did visit my aunt, I heard the tv blaring but she might've been in the backyard or sleeping in her room. I guess that was a sign.

I am listening to this tarot card reader saying my ex is getting domestically violated. I don't know if that's true or not but I feel like I am not going to regret not listening to tarot as much anymore. It isn't that I don't like tarot but I get a job, I won't have the time to anymore so, I am sort of just enjoying it while it lasts.

I still will have the evenings, listening to it while writing my journal. It will be a more healthy amount for sure. I don't feel good thinking about Yuuichirou being beaten by that Latina woman he's with if that's the case.

I mean, I did slap him before but, he told me he wanted to be slapped before, but I am sure he meant in the bedroom or something so, it was out of the desired context.

I unfortunately couldn't remember my dreams again because I was woken up by a charlie horse. My mood is pretty good today, I am just tired. I really need to learn to co-habitate with my mom a bit more because I need to do laundry and re pack my red suitcase.

I'm writing my phone now via Milanote. Like I've said for a while, there needs to be the ability to post from your phone.

I'm noticing that Tarot is just not resonating anymore. Or I'm becoming less interested in it. I thinking of maybe posting some of my dreams from my dream journal.

I feel like the world is like a bunch of college students doing a last minute essay and just typing whatever to get by. It's like a collage of sticky notes were all just pasting together hoping we'll get a passing grade.

Even right now, it is a struggle to write something because, I feel like I've expressed all I got to people on Hello talk.

I had so many good conversations last night and now I wake up to sort of a bleak morning. Well, it isn't so bleak but just, I got to do the hard things again.

My back is really itchy for some reason, maybe these sheets need to be changed. I don't feel like they're dirty... maybe it is like starch or something like that that was used.

I'm switching back and forth between writing on my computer and on my phone. I know I probably need to take a shower or something but I need to write one more post. Tarot is making a bit of sense saying

There's a lack of trust.

I'm also trying to avoid looking at the auto fill on my keyboard. It used to really freak me out or when I used to smoke weed it would send me into paranoia, but now I kind of just see it as a... sort of sign or indication of where the energy flow is going. Now, I can kind of decide to follow it or go my own path rather than feel like my phone is possessed or that... I don't know, the Iblis are attacking me.

Sure it's still difficult at times but at least I can navigate it better than before.

Apparently there's a challenge going on here, I am kinda interested to join. I don't know if I'd win but I feel like the prompt is pretty relatable to everyone in the world right now.

Now knowing what I feel like I should've known in my twenties, I'm trying to avoid falling into a sort of despair.

Reading some stories on reddit about people married to narcissists makes me so sad. There was one woman who cried herself to sleep every night after her husband finished using her and she said he stole all her youth, beauty, and desire for life. Basically she was turn into just a shell... I don't know how any human could life with that.