An Alien, Here, There And Everywhere!

Sunday, 1 October 2023 (originally written on Jan 18, 2021)

By: TB Obwoge

This is my view almost daily, walking through life! I've never earned much money in my life. I've seen such horrible levels of poverty, not only in my own country but in African countries.

As far as credit score and those Americans standards for having wealth ot money I didn't have any either. I did however near my forties earn a second wind, as far as my credit was concerned, I was able to start a fresh. I was doing well of course until Covid-19 hit as I was hitting my end.

I wanted to leave America’s insanity, hatefulness, violence & racism. When income shrank, as well as the number of jobs I was able to hold, I fell behind.

I was blessed with the ability to travel. South Korea was lonely for me as racism there was extreme. It caused me to be isolated, yet I found that those who were not the perfect looking Korean Ken & Barbie were the nicer people.

Those with imperfections, overweight, were kinder, helpful folks in South Korea. I went back to my first love, Kenya. Now I have been there several times over four years, even living a short period of time there. They were predictable, rude from time to time, touchy, pushy, jump in front of you in line.

I have been hit, hard by strangers almost every trip to Kenya, stalked by taxi drivers, hotel staff, relentlessly never expected.

It still felt like home in a sea of people skin color dark, safe, Black like me! I took time to learn the language which I feel has faded so much from lack of use. Here I am today January 2021 in Ghana, I’ve been here for three months, I’m truly an alien.

Living in America I found it hard after forty-five years of life to ignore the overt, annoying, standing on my neck, I can’t breathe, bother you daily racism.

It has been such a draining experience. Even working within one of the most racist, wealthiest, whitest school districts. Exhausting being beaten with the fact you have skin that is not even darker than most White people in American. Makes me cry for those with beautiful darker brown skin or Black than my own.

So I had decided even in poverty, I was going to find another country to call home, even with the disappearance of my Kenyan husband, I decided on Kenya. I thought surely I can make a way here, having been so many times as well as having a husband.

Living in Kenya in areas that unhealthy folks lived in was tough, the constant stalking, staring at you even following, Bolt drivers calling your number begging to marry you. Asking you to take them to America despite the fact you lived in Kenya and were already legally married to a Kenyan. It was too much.

The being called “Mzungu” all the time (Kiswahili meaning White person), no matter if you even tried to point out your weren’t in fact White, they didn’t care.

Back to the oppressive racism, murdering of Blacks by police officers led to the wild protests & some riots from those pretending to be part of the BlackLives Matter movement. It was always something reminding me, “I don’t belong here”!

I can’t breathe is something I feel everyday, every moment I'm awake, I'm alive, I can’t breathe, it hurts so much. Sitting on the edge of my bed or chair I search for the oxygen.

I learned to lean foreword it gives the illusions of air making its way into my chest. I’m already panicked so it’s hard to feel relieved at the moment, crying has become an inevitable event these days. Where do I go? So then I found myself here in Ghana with a new label wrapped around my neck choking me from breathing.

So here from the country that snatched, stole and sold my ancestors off to be raped, murdered an enslaved! When you return “home” they harass you in the streets, touch you and beg you for money even in the middle of a pandemic they don’t even care that you’re not white or that you’re unemployed or that you just received a message that your car was repossessed by the bank!

They don’t care about you! It has been three months, I’ve stayed in the same place, even those that see me everyday stare as if I just arrived & not as they have seen me every single day. They ask my cab drivers where I’m going. Many are angry when they see me, like this “white person” coming to take over our home land. Then when I walk with a man they get even angrier with me.

Life has been more than a test living in Africa, with light skin, not to mention tattoos. Many would say I caused this, it’s my fault for being different. With dreadlocks too I get calls of being a “Rasta/ Rastafarian." Even I try to explain over & over again that it’s a religion and that not everyone with hair like this are a part of, it falls on deaf ears.

Being Black on earth is the most difficult, I’m light skinned and I have found that I’m hated on 3 totally different continents and it’s exhausting.

I will never discount the hatred that those with darker skin receive, however they can at least come home to Africa & not be treated the way a lighter skin person will.

Beyond race, I think & feel differently than anyone I’ve ever met in my forty-five years of life, it has kept me isolated, emotionally I’m tired, physically I am just weak, spiritually.

I want others I’m around to experience the happiness Ive never encountered my life. I have rare moments when I break into a smile from some things I’ve seen, heard come across.

I enjoy yet hate people so much it’s the oddest thing to explain or even to understand. For now I feel country-less & homeless, I have lost everything due to the pandemic & the fear to stay in America.

I’m lost & alone, only God can save me! I’m not supposed to be here!

Thank you for reading 🙏🏽 Please consider buying a coffee for Lacey’s House efforts in Gender Equality & Children’s Rights as it tries to move international.

©️TB Obwoge 2023 All Rights Reserved